Phone chemistry, but not IRL?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Phone chemistry, but not IRL?
19
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:35am

Hi all,

I'm new to this board, but not iVillage. I'm also new to OLD. (Took me reading a few posts to figure out that term! :))

Based on your experience, is it a normal occurrence great chemistry over the phone and be able to talk like old friends with a man and then meet and have no chemistry? What has your experience been?

Thanks for your feedback.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:38am

That's exactly my experience. Although, I have to correct you about "chemistry". Chemistry happens/does not happen between two people who meet face to face. Online, it's about fantasy. Any feelings you may get about another onliner are not based on reality.

This is why the number one rule in OLD is to meet as soon as possible. I have been very disappointed in the past and I would spare anyone that if I could.

Welcome to the board, BTW. Please post often.

amjay

Edited to add: this rule includes phone contact.




Edited 3/26/2005 10:39 am ET ET by amjay45
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:46am

Hi, there, welcome to this board!

Yes, it is absolutely a normal occurence! That's why we suggest meeting in person ASAP, and not having any expectations going into a first meeting.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:53am

So help me how to handle this... I met someone online, both of us lives states away and won't be able to meet until at least May. How would you manage expectation, etc? We get along well on the phone, have exchanged numerous photos, etc. What else can I do here?

Thanks!

And thanks for your welcome. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:57am

Hi Sheri! Nice meeting you here as well... :)

Please see my post to amjay. I'd love your opinion as well. Thanks!

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:57am

Well, my best suggestion is don't get involved in a LDR ;-)!!!!

But if you're determined to do this, I'd keep phone and email contact at a minumum until you're able to meet (2-3 times a week, max), and keep meeting and dating other people *in your area* in the meantime.

And make sure he comes to you, not the other way around.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:59am

You can decide right away whether or not you can handle a LDR (long distance relationship). Believe me, they are NOT for everyone!

If you absolutely have to wait until May, keep those emails/phone calls to a MINIMUM. You do not want to build up unrealistic expectations.

Also, keep dating. It really helps to keep things in perspective about one guy when you are seeing others.

Good luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:01am

Oh, goodness, do great minds think alike or what????

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:05am

:) Nice to see you're both giving similar answers. So far, so good. I've been keeping it to like 2 calls a week, maybe 3. I told him I'd like to meet on neutral ground. I have a friend in the state we agreed on who is like a brother to me so I have a security blanket. :) If he were to come up here, it would just be me. He did offer however. ;)

Thank you for all your advice. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:13am

Happens ALL the time. I've learned that I can talk to anyone for hours and I mean anyone. Then I meet them in person and it's a total blah. I remember one guy I met in Minnesota - we talked for an hour and then met that weekend at a very nice restaurant called Ciao Bella. We talked about our favorite wines. He said Pinot Grigio and I'm like "Get out! That's mine too!" Then he asked my favorite Pinot Grigio and I said "Santa Margharita" and he said the same thing I did previously. I remember telling my roommate at the time that this guy must be it. How often do people like the very same wine!?! So naive was I! Great chemistry on the phone, met in person and nothing. Total let down.

I also learned that no matter how much I like wine, I am not sophisticated at all. I'm a biker chick and I never met a biker who was a wine afficianado so no wonder this meeting didn't work out. He had no bike, no facial hair, total white collar kinda guy. Not me at all. I'm sure I wasn't his cup of tea at all either.

I have experience with the whole LDR thing too and that sucks. What if you meet in May and you got all this built up excitement/expectations and he's a dud? But what if you meet and it's AWESOME? That happened to me and blew up like the 4th of July six months later. So be careful and date anyone you can in your area!

KITB

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 10:29am
Well, I won't add to the great advice that Sheri and amjay have already given you b/c it is right on. I think the compromise of meeting in the middle where you have a friend that you can turn to (and stay with?) is great. So if it works out, you have your brother-friend to tell all your good news too and if it doesn't work so well, then he can hold you hand and be there for you too! Have fun and good luck when you meet this guy. LDRs can be tough so I hope it all works out the way you want it to.

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