New to Online Personals

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
New to Online Personals
8
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:03pm

Hey everyone, I'm new to the online personals world.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:31pm
There is a lot of debate on this subject and most people feel pretty strongly one way or the other. Many of the regulars on this board probably lean more toward the just ignoring the emails and winks that you are not interested but a good number of people suggest sending a brief email saying simply "Thanks for the email but I don't feel that we are a match." Done. I personally ignore most emails/winks of people that I am not interested in. I have had a few that are persistent and send a second email - if so, I usually respond back with the brush off. Many of the sites also have a "courtesy reply" that they will send on your behalf if you choose to send it. I don't know what site you are on, but on Match, the courtesy reply to winks is pretty harsh - the header says something like "Keep looking!" and the text is "So and so received your wink and is not interested". Their replies to emails are a lot nicer and allow you to select from a list of reasons why you feel you are not a match.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:38pm

Hi alsatia....welcome to the ON-LINE-DATING Board!


If the responses you're receiving are from men that don't interest you....a polite "Thanks for your response. I appreciate your enthusiasm and interest, but you're just not my type" quick note is certainly acceptable.


Two sentences are plenty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:47am
Personally, if I winked at someone and they e-mailed back they weren't interested, it would bother me a whole lot more than if they just ignored me. If you don't get a response, you really don't know why. It could be that they're presently dating someone on the site and waiting to see if it works out but still keeping their options open. At that point there's always the possibility they might contact you if things don't work out with the one they're seeing. It could be that you remind them of someone they don't want to be reminded of or maybe they've sworn off blondes and you're a blonde. You just never know. The e-mail back seems a whole lot more like a rejection of you personally and I just would prefer not to receive it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:59am
That is exactly why I and most of the people that prefer to NOT send a reply back to a wink or email don't do it. For me, if I wink or email someone and I get see a response in my inbox, I get a little excited seeing the reply. Then if I open it and see it is a rejection, it is a letdown and it stings a little more than if I just never heard from him again. I can draw my own conclusions from silence - it's pretty obvious what it means, but I can tell myself that it is them, not me! :-)

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:50am

Hi lilah_iv...


Pianoguy has the slogan: "Different strokes for different folks" running through his head today.


I must admit that I've done more than my share of winking...and haven't always received a response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 2:58pm

>>The e-mail back seems a whole lot more like a rejection of you personally and I just would prefer not to receive it.<<

So what you're saying is that you'd rather live in FantasyLand, where you can think in your head "it wasn't that they didn't like me or rejected me *personally*, they just didn't get my email or they were getting involved with someone or they might like me and be shy but will email me later..."?

Blech. We all need to accept that not everyone is going to like us. We WILL be rejected. (Women, welcome to the guy's world.) It's how it goes.

My belief is that if we can't handle rejection like that, we shouldn't even be out there asking. "Rejection" is just part of the whole thing.

And yes, obviously (and well-known), I come down on the side of "send the email saying 'thanks but no thanks'". I don't even see what's so "harsh" about Match's canned response- "keep looking" sounds *encouraging* to me, not mean.

YMMV. ;)

Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 4:39pm

Hello

Just something I wanted to point out to you regarding what you said:
"A few of which are from gentlemen that are much older than me, one is even seemingly involved (separated means still married to me)"

If you are getting responses from men that are too old or men that are still married (yes, I agree too, separated is STILL married!!!), you need to be SPECIFIC in your profile and/or narrative of the age range you are looking for and marital status. Granted, I understand there are those knuckleheads that just don't read, period. It will help with the weeding out process. Be specific about who you are and what you are looking for.

Regarding the example indicated above in your post, I either wouldn't respond at all or very politely remind them of what your profile said: "I am looking for an unmarried, single 30-40 something which was indicated in my profile, good luck to you, blah, blah, blah...".

I got a response where the guy said he liked the twinkle in my eyes. I didn't post a pic, so, the conclusion I came to was he's a member of psychic friends and could visualize my twinkle from miles away?? LOL..oh brother..

Cyclegirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 8:14pm

That's strange... I was just going to say how beautiful your eyes are too... :) hehe

But seriously, to the OP: Someone here said that seeing a message in your inbox gets your hopes up and then having a letdown would be bothersome. I agree with that... just ignore them unless they send you a second message and then let them down easy.

Good luck!