When do you bring this up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
When do you bring this up?
9
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 8:22am

How soon do you find out what type of relationship the other person wants?


I generally know by the end of the first meet - if not sooner. Sometimes I'll ask in the first email but I've also found that men are just as likely to bring it up first.


And because I'm on a religion-based site, I also find that the issue of "how religious are you?" and "what kind of religious education would you want your future children to have?" come up fairly early too.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:53am
I'd like to know within the first few dates. I don't want to waste my time or theirs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:56am

If doing OLD then the first email or two or phone call – otherwise why meet them out?

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 10:52pm

First Email. however w/ this last guy he said some day he wanted marriage kids all that, but at 3months tells me he has committment issues.. andnot sure when he will ever want to get married.

take it w/ a grain of salt..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 12:03am

I do believe you have to take it with a grain of salt also. If someone said the wanted marriage right off the bat, I would be worried that they were only looking at the outcome and not the person. I believe if we really want to be married, we would have no problem doing that...it's just finding the right person.

What are your main reasons for wanting to get married? I guess I think I want to get married to share my life with someone else. However, you can also share your life with someone without being married. Being married, I guess, is a form of security...but the same stuff happens in marriages that happens when you are dating someone.

So, let's hear from everyone else. If you are online to potentially meet a marriage partner, why is it you want to get married?

Thanks for your help with this...I am looking for some solid reasons to actually get married. Not that I am against it...I guess it could just go either way.

Avatar for barbrocks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:12am

I am not against marriage. But, I don't know if I want to get married again.

Marriage comes with a lot of crap... in-laws, combining households and lifestyles, finances, etc. Sure, I suppose if you meet the perfect match for you, it's great. But, in my personal experience, it was WAYYYYYYYY bad. And, I've seen it be so bad for others, too.

Now that I have my own home, my own schedule, my own life... I don't know if I'm ready to give it up or compromise it! I'd love to have a serious relationship, and be able to go home alone, if I want.

So, although I haven't written-off marriage... it's not high on my agenda, either. I do not go into a relationship thinking,"I want to marry." Been there, done that, it was bad.

Barb

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:42am

Hi Barb,

Thanks for that info. I feel the same way. I have everything I could want...beautiful daughter, nice home, good job, condo at the beach, cute cat and dog. I just can't put up that white picket fence due to the home owners association(lol).

But I do get a lot of pressure from my family (mother) to get married. I think she has finally given up, but will still throw jabs in there every once in a while. I go back and forth with having anymore children. I love the baby stage...it's when they turn five and start rolling their eyes at you that I have the trouble with. (maybe I should stop teaching). But I do hear a lot of stuff from friends and I see that I put up with the same stuff (just not as intensely as they do). Then I hear stories of their friends marriages and think why would I ever want that.

Anybody else have pros and cons of getting married or staying single but in a long term relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:15pm
You brought up an interesting topic. If you don't mind though, I'll start a new thread for this discussion.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:20pm
That's great...can't wait to read the responses. Hopefully, I can figure out what I want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:31pm
Glad you don't mind cuz I didn't wait for your response. I already started a new thread. Ha! . :-)