Ohhh, the waiting can be...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Ohhh, the waiting can be...
5
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:42pm
Hola! to my compadres on the board :)
Okay guys, I'm starting to really wonder if I made a "bad impression" or something along that line. Its now been a full week since I did the first meet/coffee thing with the very nice & handsome guy who I thought I shared alot of similarities with.
The over analytical part of my personality is starting to take over and I find myself asking the question, "why hasn't he called or emailed me ?"
As some of you will recall, I had posted a message earlier in the week in which I had indicated that I was going to heed the advice of waiting for him to initiate the next contact. ( I'M STILL WAITING... ) and quite honestly the temptation for me to want to write him/call him has been on the forefront of my thoughts. I should add that I was raised under the traditional old school of 'dating' that says the man should take the initiative.
So, I want to throw out a question to the guys & gals on the board; when you meet someone that your're attracted to (via old), how long do you typically wait before you make contact with them again ?
Interested in your thoughts > LM :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:49pm

You've been ghosted.

I know it's hard, but you have to blow it off.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 12:55pm

Most of the people I've had first meets with did NOT initiate any type of followup after the meet. I do believe most follow your line of thinking which is to let the guy pursue after the initial meeting.

Personally I think it's a good idea for the woman to send a brief (one to two sentence) thanks, had fun, let's do it again - type email.

If you don't hear from the person within a day or two they have super low interest. That's not to say that they won't come back after as long as a month -- but you can pretty well assume you were passed over the first time for another who didn't work out.

It can be tricky as well if either party is in the process of meeting/dating several people. At some point they may decide to become more exclusive and you really wouldn't know the reason just from the coffee date (most people won't talk about their OLD experiences in any specifics with a first meet).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 6:22pm
Thanks for the guy perspective LG :) Your honest feedback was greatly appreciated.
Nevertheless, I've got to say that I have this terrible hollow n' empty feeling going on right now, which totally S_CKS ! I'm starting to feel myself drift toward anti-guy mode again...
I probably only have myself to blame for these feelings > because I forgot to keep telling myself the 'old' motto of Expect Nothing. I guess I put way too much energy and thoughts into this 'old' stuff.
LM :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:39pm
Did you send a "thankshadagreattimeletsdoitagain" email? If not, he may not think you were interested in him. I don't personally go past the one thanks etc. etc.. email. If he had a good time and wants to do it again, that is enough to let him know you are game to. After a week it may be a little late to do that if you haven't done it already. otherwise, live and let live and don't repine on it too much. Go out and have fun doing anything you want.
Best wishes,
J
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:59pm
I would refrain from calling him. Looks to me like he is not that into you or he would of already called/contacted.