How many does it take?
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How many does it take?
| Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:12pm |
How many emails does it take before you give up and cut them loose? I am used to guys asking for my number or a date within 3-4 emails. I have yet to encounter anything that goes past 3-4 emails yet, usually they ghost before then or we go out. How many is too many? and if so... What is the best way to end it?
GM

I think 3 or 4 is the absolute limit. I personally prefer IM. I have an IM name just for people I "meet" through OLD. I prefer not to give my number out first thing.
Actually, even though it goes against The Rules, I prefer to call him the first time. I will not ask for his number though. I expect him to give it to me or I ask for it if he asks for mine and I am not sure. Yes, I dial *67 before I call.
Edited 4/1/2005 11:47 pm ET ET by annonymoss
I would say it should depend on the situation...
If you are having nice comfortable email conversations with someone, why should you definately break it off after only a couple emails??
Sometimes I can get in a few decent emails to someone in 1 day depending on how they write back?
If you want them to ask you out somewhere, come up with something to do... ask them if they would like to meet at the food court in a mall or something, go out and catch a bite to eat. You don't have to actually even do the asking, just mention it and see if they take the bait. If they are interested, then arrangements can start.
I like to get to know someone through email a lot usually, so I'm in no rush to move it to the phone unless they want to do that... mainly because I'm a fairly good writer and can communicate easily that way. So if a woman is going to just "cut me off" after a couple of email conversations, I would say that probably isn't someone I would get along with anyway??
Bryan
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But that is the point in moving to the phone and to a meeting as quickly as both parties feel comfortable. Email and writing are generally poor methods of communication for really getting to know someone. When you email, you can portray yourself any way you want to. Many people can be excellent writers and complete duds on the phone or in person or vice versa. The only real way to get to know the real person is to meet IN PERSON. The email persona may or may not be how this person really is. Emailing for weeks is counter-productive and sets up expectations that are probably not realistic because you don't know who the email persona is.
As for the original question - I have let email communications go on forever before we moved to the phone. Those were usually quite unsuccessful because by the time we met, we felt we really knew each other only to find out that the chemistry or zing wasn't there. I have had plenty that we met very quickly that didn't work either, but at least I didn't wasted weeks of my time getting to know someone (or so I thought) only to be disappointed. I also think in the cases of the ones that I waited longer, I was MORE disappointed when we met and there was nothing. If I meet someone I have only communicated with a few times and it doesn't work out, no big loss. But if I have developed more of an email rapport with someone and it doesn't work, I feel much more disappointment. These days, if they don't ask for the # within a couple or three emails, I mention talking on the phone and see if they bite.
"I think 3 or 4 is the absolute limit. I personally prefer IM"
And see I'm just the opposite. I much prefer email over IM.
With email, you know the other person had to be thinking of only you when they were writing the email. Plus I don't have to be right there at my computer at the same time they are. I can write a big long email at 8am and they don't read it or respond to it until a couple hours later.
With IM, they could be having 5 other conversations with other people and only devoting a short amount of time to you or trying to "multi-task" 14 different things and not really paying attention to what you say or what you are talking about. Plus you have to be right there at exactly the same time they are to talk with them. If that is the case, why not just talk on the phone?
Bryan
I agree about meeting someone soon on in the relationship though.
I've had plenty of times I've talked with a woman on email or on the phone or both and it was just 110% on all cylinders.
Then you meet and you can just see immediately that you are not their cup of tea... even after seeing pictures and webcams and all that. If that physical attraction is not there when you meet someone in the first 30 seconds... it isn't going anywhere.
When that happens to me, I feel like it was all such a waste, getting my hopes up emailing and talking on the phone.
That is one reason I thought the speed dating 5 minute dating thing was so awesome. You got to meet face-to-face with people that actually were interested in dating or something meaningful. I knew if they were physically attracted to me, I would definately win them over personality and all that afterwards.
Unfortunately the people that were going to these events here locally all were just too picky or freaked out by it. I had zero success at it. And what floored me is all these other good looking guys that were there. During the intermissions, I could overhear them saying how much they DIDN'T like the other women there.
So here I am, I said yes to 98% of the women there, they all said no to me and yes to all these other guys probably, but these other guys all said no to them.
Oh well.
Bryan
I would never ask for a phone numner or meeting (now)
after 2-3 emails. The reason, I've heard women brag
"I got a free meal after 2 emails. I do it every day.
I had no intention of dating him"
I think its 20% that do this.
So I'm interested in getting to know somebody more now.
If they ghost off, that's fine.
I do at least say this: I think you're running a scam, and
I'm putting you on ignore. No need to reply.
So if you and I exchanged 2-3 emails and then I wrote: "Hey, I was just thinking...how do you feel about
For me if it felt like a natural progression of the conversations we've had so far, I would give them my phone number and tell them the best time to call.
Or get their number and vice-versa...
Bryan