Ghosts and Hot Lists

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Ghosts and Hot Lists
5
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 8:04pm
I talked to a guy for the first time on the phone Thurs and he asked if he could call me Friday. Today is Sunday, and I haven't heard from, so I'm beginning to think he ghosted (impatient, I know). But then today, I went on the site and noticed yesterday, he had been on, had viewed my profile even, and I was still on his 'hot list'. When you ghost or are ghosted, do you remove people off your hot list or find yourself removed from theirs?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 8:59pm

Once I know that I no longer have plans to communicate with someone I do remove them from my hotlist. But I've noticed that guys - even those who disappeared months ago - are pretty lazy about removing me from their hotlist. I do not hold out any hope that one day I might hear from them again. .


I can probably come up with a least three explanations for why he didn't call this weekend yet had time to view your profile. But I won't because it really doesn't matter.


To me it's a red flag whenever a man says he'll call on a certain day and then doesn't. That doesn't mean that I'll write him off right away. It just means that it's something that I need to keep in the forefront of my mind. .

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 9:16pm
It means that men cannot make up their minds. The creep who told me he was not interested in a relationship on Wed 3/30, viewed my profile on Fri 4/1.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 9:45pm
Well, I'm pretty sure I know why...he seems like he's a pretty independent guy, and when he asked to call Friday, he asked for a good time or if I had plans so he wouldn't call then. As a student, I didn't know what to tell him- there is no such thing as a good time or bad time to call me. I always have my phone with me and if I don't answer, I'm either in class, in the shower, in a meeting or it was accidentally left on silent. As far as plans go, I make my plans last minute. When I talked to him, I just had vague plans of going out, but as soon as I hung up, you bet I called my friend to see what was going on specifically- like I do every weekend. So..I told him to call whenever was good for him because I had no "plans" and my phone is always with me, and I could see how he would see "desperate" or "loser" in there. I knew I'd made a mistake saying that as soon as it left my mouth but I couldn't think quick enough to cover my blunder...I'm just recently getting back into the dating scene and his question threw me off guard. Oh well..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 10:58pm

That was the most convoluted (sp?) paragraph I have read in some time.

But I think what you said is, when he asked when would be a good time to call you, you told him any time as you had no plans for the weekend and you always had your phone with you. Right?

A. There is nothing desperate or loser-ish about that statement. Please forget about The Rules and stay honest. This will create good karma.

B. He still didn't call you when he said he would (Friday?). I agree with jh's post, that is definitely a red flag. Not a deal breaker, but wo/men can be put into two categories: those who do as they say, and those who don't do as they say.

Oh, and don't put yourself down. It's not pretty.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:52am

UGH! I'm a grad student so I can totally relate. What little time I have is more or less fluid. I never know if I am going to be working on a paper or not so I make my plans last minute. Which means if I have time, I am usually open. My friends know this so if they have plans they tell me and I can tag along if I am interested in what they are up to and can make it.

To top it off I have a full time job which I loathe and which I can get done quickly so I can talk or email a lot during the day. Alas, I cannot study because the boss would notice a big fat book sprawled on my desk. It also means I am home very early on nights that are not class nights because I am on the early shift so I can make it to class. School is 20 miles away. When one guy called me on my cell at 4:45 pm he seemed less than thrilled when he asked what I was doing and I said watching TV. Honey, if I was working I would not be answering my cell phone. The boss would notice that as well. I had just finished a very tough paper the day before. I was relaxing. I had earned it. He did not seem to get that school is work, which means I have the equivalent of 2 jobs.

OK - enough with the rant.

ETA: That loser is history.




Edited 4/4/2005 12:55 am ET ET by annonymoss