First meet
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First meet
| Thu, 04-07-2005 - 8:14am |
I've met a guy on match who seems really nice. He asked me to dinner right off the bat but my schedule wouldn't permit. My schedule is still really messy and he says he understands but he is resisting meeting on a weeknight because he says if we hit it off, he wouldn't want to cut the date short because we have to be at work the next morning. He's willing to wait until I'm free next weekend for a full-out date. My theory, going kinda from what I've read on here, is that we probably should meet one night next week just for coffee or drinks or whatever and maybe set a pre-determined time limit of an hour, then if things go well we can plan for Saturday night. Is this what everyone always does? Has anyone ever committed to dinner and regretted it?

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Think about it.
What if you don't like the guy.
Do you want to wiggle out of the date in the middle while he is pressing you to go out and get liquored up with him?
The first meet should be a short one because neither of you know whether you're going to like the other. A lengthy first meet is generally not a long term indicator of anything other than you enjoyed having a lengthy first meet. Just as many people never hear from their marathon first meeters as go on to marry them...
"he is resisting meeting on a weeknight because he says if we hit it off, he wouldn't want to cut the date short "
I don't know, maybe its my suspicious nature, I just wonder what the urgency to go on a full date initially is all about for him? I mean, where's the fire for crying out loud? What's wrong with just a hour over coffee? Nothing wrong with saying to him "I would feel more comfortable with going out for coffee".
And yes, I have gone out on a "full date" for dinner and regretted it, once with a "blind" date and once with someone I met at a bar, had had too much to drink to really get to know the guy, agreed to a date then, SO regretted it aftewards...2 hours of near torture..then he wanted to pick up a case of beer and come back to my apartment to "hang out".. a real class act..LOL
I have done dinner as a first meet many times; only once or twice have I regretted it.
LOL, I'm off coffee now too.
I like to grab a coffee with someone and go for a walk. It's more comfortable for me to keep moving, rather than sitting staring at someone for an hour. We walk where there are a lot of people.
And I always, always, have plans made so that the meeting is kept to one hour. If he falls for my fatal charms within that time (hah!), he can darn well go home, take a cold shower and call me for a "real" date.
This may be nitpicking, op, but he should have deferred to you when making plans for a first meeting! That is a red flag, something to keep in mind if you do decide to date him.
Please, please, please, meet your strangers where/when YOU feel comfortable!
Good luck!
amjay
I gotta agree that this is a little fishy. Even if you did go to dinner and have a "full date" per a regular first date, you would probably be done by 9 or 10 at the very latest so either this guy likes his sleep or he is thinking of a "full date" as winding up with a little extra...
I think you should keep it at just the simple coffee or drink for the first meet. But even dinner can be kept relatively short. I have had dinners that we are in and out of there in about an hour or so. But there is nothing wrong with telling him you'd rather keep the first meet casual and that if you really hit it off, it gives you an excuse to see each other again for another date over the weekend.
I don't know that I have ever "regretted" going to dinner with someone as opposed to coffee/drinks (well, once but that was before OLD and on a dating service where you were required to meet the person for dinner - WHOLE other story), but I have had some excruciatingly long dinners where I just wanted it to be OVER!
He's not very experienced with online dating. He was on for a while, didn't ever meet anyone he wanted to go out with, then dropped off. I'm guessing...and this is just guessing...that maybe he's used to the real world where a man asks a woman out and that's why he did it. I noticed he went back active again on match after we started talking. Guess I made him realize there are some decent people out there who might be interested? I don't really care at this point. I'm just looking for a darn date without having to overthink all this crap too much!
So...coffee or drinks it is. So does that mean I'm technically asking him out for that first meeting? Who is expected to pay? I know what I'll think of him if he doesn't at least offer, but I seem to recall a thread here a while ago where a lot of people said whoever asks is the one who pays...
What is YOUR policy? Or do you not have one for dating yet?
There are two schools of thought on who pays. Really, do whatever you think is right.
For myself, I always bring enough cash in case Lover Boy dines/dashes. If he's staring at the bill in astonishment, I half-heartedly offer to pay my share.
Unfortunately for LB, if he accepts money from me I will think less of him! Women, eh?
LOL
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