Rookie mistakes
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| Thu, 04-07-2005 - 8:49am |
1. Paying to contact only one person online with no desire to be active with other members
2. Paying to respond to a wink (same as #1 above)
3. Dragging the email on for more than a week for whatever the reason
4. Posting a no-picture profile
5. Posting a new profile that sounds like everyone elses and not beefing it up before the "new member" shine is off the profile
6. Believing that the reason mr/ms hottie is online because they have trouble getting dates
7. Disclosing personal information / significant life history before meeting
8. Replying to a profile that has no picture and does not readily respond with one
9. Not adhering to your gut instincts (ie. A 2 week lag between email contacts is not positive)
10. Becoming dejected by those who disappear or reject you. Failing to recognize that in order to be successful online you will need to have a high percentage of people who disappear
11. Communicating with those separated or divorced under 1 year
12. Responding to profiles with one or more major item left "I'll tell you later" or "No answer".
13. Attending a first meet that is significantly longer than 1 hour
14. Responding to people who are realistically too far away to date
15. Failing to block someone who is either inappropriate or who you have rejected but who is persistent.
16. Getting stuck in a persistent email/IM/webcam cycle with no meet scheduled
17. Any type of IM or webcam before meeting
18. Ignoring red flags (inconsistencies in eithet emails or profile)
19. Not knowing your type - ignoring attributes that you typically don't match up with
20. Feeling obligated to do anything - continue emailing, meeting, kissing, more
21. Ignoring the "not ready to date" flags - typically will arise in the form of talking about how their Ex just got remarried, their last relationship ended last Thursday, etc. (IMHO a high percent of online people are socially inept, looking to make an ex jealous or using online to create a stable of friends).
22. For guys - ignore any use of "friends" word at your own peril
23. Ignoring a bland followup (ie polite) email after the first meet and interpreting it as a sign of interest.
24. Scheduling a meet after a bad initial phone call - even when your gut say's "not compatible"
25. Failing to recognize the online cuties are a dime a dozen and online sane and interesting people are exceptionally rare.
26. Failing to recognize that people with only one picture or a picture where significant portions of their body are obscured may be hiding something.
EDIT:
27. Failing to simultaneously pursue more than one online interest (in the early stages of dating)
Edited 4/8/2005 12:15 pm ET ET by lg1964

I agree with most of these and this would be a good guide for newbies and particularly for
I also completely agree with most of your points but had comments on a couple of them:
3. Dragging the email on for more than a week for whatever the reason - I live in a small community and I work full time and I am single parent to two kids under 6 - and my only dating/meeting times are on my two non-child weekends per month and over my work-day lunch break (and no one seems to want to meet then)- usually my first meets are 10-15 days after initial contact - also a lot of my contacts (about 60%) are single Dads who seem to have the same time constraints and with them first meets often take 14-20 days to schedule around our kids and their many activities, our jobs, etc. To rule someone out because an e-mail is dragging on when they have a valid reason doesn't seem right - however, when someone appears to be "stalling" with no valid reason than that is completely different. I think you need to take a persons life situation into consideration.
6. Believing that the reason mr/ms hottie is online because they have trouble getting dates - I am a single mom with a crazy life, hate the bar scene, and all my friends do not know a single male - of course I have trouble finding dates - that is why I am on-line in the first place.
11. Communicating with those separated or divorced under 1 year - separated I agree completely - divorced I do not - I know several people who took 2-3 years to get divorced after separating (and these were not ugly divorces or anything) and it took so long due to money - it costs $750 to file for divorce and most single parents do not have that lying around - hey I don't - which is why I haven't filed yet - my ex (who also has similar financial issues) has agreed to pay 1/2 but its still more disposable cash than I can get my hands on. I have been saving and plan on filing in May of this year. To discount someone because they got divorced 6 months ago (most places require a legal separation of a least one year before divorce so they would have been split up for a while) seems unrealistic - you could be not getting to know a great person. I find you can always spot a person who has unresolved feelings about their marriage or "baggage" a mile away so I don't count someone out unless they are displaying this baggage or feelings (again, in my experience its easy to spot).
That's just my 2 cents anyway.
mom of 2
This is a good list.
I do somewhat disagree with #24. I have had bad phone conversations that didn't necessarily lead to a bad first meet. By bad phone call I don't mean that the guy was rude or obnoxious . I mean bad as in awkward. Some people have a hard time making small talk, and conversing comfortably with a stranger - especially when you can't see the body language.
I also take some exception to #6 ......I do have trouble getting dates; therefore, you must be implying that I'm not a "hottie"? :-p
>>This is a good list.
Only good?..wouldn't kill you to squeak a "GREAT!" out ever few months or so...
>>I also take some exception to #6 ......I do have trouble getting dates; therefore, you must be implying that I'm not a "hottie"? :-p
The more I'm online the more I realize it's less and less about what others think and more about how we view ourselves.
>>>The more I'm online the more I realize it's less and less about what others think and more about how we view ourselves.<<<
Oh man, no truer words have been spoken.... I have been online for over a year... started OLD at the same time my divorce was final... (so take exception to the one year rule for divorce... :) I was ready since day 1... ) anyways... the one week rule on emailing, I do not agree with .... the biggest 'meet' mistakes that I have made, meaning truly incompatible people, were the ones where I met the guys too quickly and didnt find out more about them beforehand... I find that it is difficult to do that in a few short emails.... but the reality of it is actually the various responses I have had to meeting, not meeting, chatting, etc are truly a reflection of myself as you say... why does dejection feel so much more severe with some people more than others.... and why do I keep the same cycle of mistakes going???? :)
Otherwise, "GREAT" list...
#3 - definitely - never ever ever drag on emailing!!!
Hey LG, did you come up with all these!?!? Great job!!!!! I'm going to copy and paste it if it's not copyrighted.... perhaps you should consider writing a book about OLDing after all is said and done.... I think I could even help some (if you mention my name in the preface! LOL!) *maybe* - except from the POV that I maybe could come up with even more annoying newbie questions LOL
I think I've made just about every mistake that you have listed.
#19 is a HUGE thing for me, and I hae to credit YP with the new "premier" service for helping me out with that recently.
#20 - also huge
#27 - very very huge....
Here's another few FWIW:
28. Taking down one's profile in the *very* early stages of meeting/dating - BIG NO NO!
28b. Appearing very available or desperate to the other person
29. Going too fast (usually ends too fast too)
30. Ignoring the delicate balance between two people (i.e. one person is making more effort - calling more, emailing more...etc.)