From an old chicken-in-the-barn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
From an old chicken-in-the-barn
4
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:12pm

Some thoughts about online dating from an old chicken-in-the-barn (67 years) to you young chicks:

I just finished reading the messages regarding the "stigma" of online dating. I live out in the country close to a small town smack in the middle of the prairie, and a lot of people here think online dating is a good idea, as well as a most interesting way to meet someone. Our church organist, who is as old as I am, met and married an old gentleman about her age from a small town in the Canadian Yukon several years ago. At first they traveled back and forth between the two countries, but eventually he sold his business and moved here to the US. Apparently, in his remote town in Canada, the townspeople are heavily into online relationships.

However, getting to my main point, over a period of time I have concluded that online dating DEFINITELY favors intelligent, articulate, nice people over totally shallow, gorgeous ones. You may hoot with laughter at this remark, but I firmly believe it is true--especially for people who are older than twenty-something. Truly good qualities in people eventually shine and rise to the top. And the desirable people who are older on these dating sites are definitely looking for good qualities in others.

(Note about older guys.I have read some of your messages about old guys hitting on those of you who are much younger. To present the other side: there are plenty of old guys looking for someone close to their own ages. And I always give extra points to men whose age range includes women who are a few years older than they are. And many old guys do that very thing.

But, back to my main point, NEAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO CONNECT WITH OTHER NEAT PEOPLE! Period. That's why online dating is such a great idea. When you attempt to connect with people in real life (bars, churches, clubs, schools, meetings, etc.), the physical appearance is always going to stand out more than anything else. Male and female hotties will always have a big advantage over average lookers. After all, this is America, the land of Hollywood, youth, and extreme makeovers. However, in online dating situations, while the pictures are important, the impressions that stand out from the written words are really more important and carry more weight (in my opinion) in the long run. Therefore, I say again, when trying to put together good relationships, online dating gives nice, kind, neat, mature, intelligent (choose your own adjectives) people a BIG, BIG edge over a male or female hottie in a bar or on the street who is not nearly as nice, kind, neat, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to pass on these motherly/grandmotherly observations. I have gotten into the habit of reading some of the messages on the Online Dating site about once or twice a week, and I have found your notes very thought-provoking. Also, living way out here by myself I get a little down sometimes (not often, but occasionally), and when I do I have found that reading some of your messages online perks me right up. I think the reading of the notes makes me feel like I'm sort of connecting with some very real people out there.

Again, I think online dating is neat. Let me end by saying that I have met some super-neat (yes, and they are old) gentlemen through online dating.

I hope you are all having a good day.
From a grandmother on this site.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:50pm

I'm glad that you're enjoying our board and I'm happy that you came out of lurkdom to offer your perspective. I hope you post again.

 

 

 

Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 4:43pm

Wow..thank you for your post...I am one of those over 20 somethings, actually, I am over 30 something! LOL..I completely agree with the two statements you made below I pulled from you post..

"Truly good qualities in people eventually shine and rise to the top. And the desirable people who are older on these dating sites are definitely looking for good qualities in others. "

"while the pictures are important, the impressions that stand out from the written words are really more important and carry more weight (in my opinion) in the long run."

I didn't realize the above until I did get into the now 40 something category. Physical beauty fades with age (well, for those of that can't afford the cosmetic surgery!). If your insides are right, it won't matter what you outsides look like. I would like to think of myself aging like a fine wine:)A little dusty on the outside, smoothe and sleek on the inside.

Thanks again for your input.

Cyclegirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 04-10-2005 - 12:32am
Thank you! You said things I've been thinking for a long time. I think you do meet ppl who are just showing who they are... :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 12:48pm

Hi tea4all,

Your post was great! I'm so glad you enjoy this message board - I do also! The people here are great and I do agree that there are good people on OLD. You just have to do some weeding to find them sometimes!

I do feel that OLD is great for any age(45)! Where else are you going to be exposed to so many different types of people?! Some people cut down OLD, but I think it's a great thing. I am so glad that you have met some good people through OLD.

By the way, my Mom is 65 and in her group they are the "young" seniors, as they call themselves! So I'd still say you are a young one also!

About the older guys and younger girls thing, I am dating a guy 8 years younger than myself now and it is going great (into our third month). We have many things in common and enjoy being together very much... you just never know what will work sometimes!

I want to welcome you to the board and hope that you post often! I'm a grandmother also and my second grandchild is a week overdue now.

Sunshine