Signals you give after the meet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Signals you give after the meet
20
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 5:46am

Hot on the heels of the "Perfect Match" question -- I'm curious:

After the first meet is over -- and assuming that it was just that - A 1 or 2 hr meet - and not a makeout or more session, what are the signals you would give to the guy that you are interested.

-Do you send an email?

-Do you call?

-Do you wait for him to email and only then respond?

-Do you tell him at the end of the meet that you want to see him again?

-Or do you just make him guess?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:27am

If he doesn't bring it up first, at the end of that first meet - right before

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:15am

<<>>

That's been my exact experience as well! So, the few that have moved on to dates, then I just do whatever seems comfortable. If the first meet was a late one (and with kids, lots of times my first meets don't start until after 9PM), then I don't email or contact him right away, but usually within the next two days I'll email or he'll email or call (this is also predicated on him suggesting the second meeting during our first meet).

Interesting sidenote, I am very old fashioned in some ways (believe it or not (-;) - esp in that I like being called, and I don't usually call guys up. Just a personal preference. So I've found that somehow working that in to the initial discussion during the first meet has been a good thing - because then, if the guy has been used to a girl calling that is interested, and I don't call, he remembers that it's nothing personal about him.....

cg

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:34am

I'm not comfortable calling men either in the beginning . I'm old fashioned that way too. But with OLD I've found that a lot of men seem

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:41am

J -

The main reason that guys do this - or at least that I do - is because when you put people on the spot and ask them to go out again - they are just polite. There really is no way for them to politely reject you. It's a tough thing to do. So we look for signals that you're being more than polite. That you're actually interested. Because we don't want to waste time - especially when scheduling around kids and work.

This is why I recommend that all people need to do is give ONE followup and it can be a simple sentence "Enjoyed meeting and would like to do it again". Period. Kaboom - ball's in his court. If he doesn't respond he is either (a) too dumb/socially inept to date or (b) not interested.

Hard to say but I'd guess about 3 out of 10 of my first meets have sincerely wanted to get together again. The remainder just seemed like they were polite - so I never ever wrote to them again. Maybe 2 out of 10 I couldn't run away fast enough and it was always because what they wrote about in their profile did not match up with their in-person chit chat. I haven't had anyone where their looks were significantly worse or better than the online photo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:45am

Really, if Lover Boy doesn't mention seeing me again and I get that awful "it was nice to meet you, take care" at the end of our first meet, I don't even waste time with a follow up email. I need positive feedback just like guys do.

If I think maybe, perhaps, I didn't absolutely bore the teeth out of someone, a follow up email will be sent and then I will wait a couple of days before writing him off.

I figure if a guy is interested he will let me know. Chasing someone gets me nowhere!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:52am

My last meet ended with him saying, "It was nice to meet you."

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:00am

I will send an email and let them know that I enjoyed myself and look forward to seeing them again. Then I let them make the next move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:43pm

Well if I meet someone that I like and would like to see again...

Generally I initiate an email the following day, telling them I had a good time, would like to see them again, etc...

But then I was told (by women in general) that this is just "too desperate" and that I just need to wait before I contact them back.

So what do you ladies say? You had a nice date with someone and then he contacts you the next day and says he would like to see you again.

Does that scare you or is that fine?

Bryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:21pm
The longer I am on old the less I want to be the one calling. I prefer for men to call/pursue. Even though I have heard that it doesn't matter who calls - I suspect it really does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 8:35pm

Ivos, you said, "...Even though I have heard that it doesn't matter who calls - I suspect it really does..."

IMHO, even though it is accepted that women can call or pursue as much as the guys do, when a woman does call first or pursue the man, it usually isn't received as well by guys, except those looking to have sex right away. I think generally guys still like the pursuit of the chase.

After a meet, if I am interested in the guy, I might send him a quick short email stating that I had a good time and would enjoy meeting with him again. If I don't hear back form him after that then "Next"! His loss!

Sunshine

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