irony..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
irony..
15
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:17am
Does anyone but me find it ironic (and perhaps a bit telling) that many of the online profiles stress how important good communication is to them. Yet their primary method of communicating with us online ........... is to stop communicating.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:36am

Actually, when people say they are good communicators, I figure they really mean that they like to talk a lot. Communication is a learned art.

I am straight forward, tell it like it is, yet have often been told that I am very blunt -- and not in a good way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:43am

I have also found that when people I've met spend time telling me about their negative experiences and how the only people they've met wanted to be friends or were match-aholics or players or hung up on exes ---- that ultimately they wound up describing THEMSELVES.

It's been very odd but I swear that whatever I hear them complain about, I actually see as a personal characteristic of themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:52am

The story of my life -- people will tell me their problems! I find it very tiring.

I wonder if they ever realize what a turn off it is? I mean, I expect that people will have SOME gripes in their life, but couldn't they save it for the time when I give a sh*t?

Hah hah!

PS -- the worst ones are the ones whose profile says, "love to laugh"!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 10:32am

damn.

mine says "love to laugh". I'd better change that right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:09am

"It's been very odd but I swear that whatever I hear them complain about, I actually see as a personal characteristic of themselves."


Yes, this is rampant out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:35am

Yep - that type of behaviour is called projection. It's

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: lg1964
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:54am
I once heard or read the statement, "we despise most in others that which we despise in ourselves." In other words, we're most critical of qualities in other people that we see as our own weaknesses. I think it's very true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 12:20pm

"I'm a great communicator" is such a myth!

My previous gf honestly believes she's a great communicator... but she's one of those people who thinks that "communication" is whatever SHE thinks it is.

For example, let's say we were planning our weekend evening. I might say "I'd like to go see Finding Nemo."

She might say something back like "I like watching movies at home," or "I don't always like seeing movies in the theater."

Now, to me, a literal-minded guy, she hasn't said ANYTHING about whether or not she wants to go that night and see Finding Nemo! But she honestly and truly thought that was "good" communication, and she would get upset when I would go ahead and continue planning for going out.

We ran into this time and time again. I tried to learn how to listen to her, but failed; and she never even bothered to try and speak directly to the point (after all, she believed that she was a great communicator).

So many people have never learned that communication is a two-way street; it not only means that you have to try and send your message clearly, but you also have to try and ensure that the receiver of your message heard and understood it correctly and in the way you meant.

Granted, sometimes when you say something as clear as a bell, the receiver's preconceptions are going to block it no matter how hard you try; in that case, the best bet (IMO) is to go find other people to talk with. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 1:02pm

Tuning in late to this one but EXCELLENT POST idea and so true. Communication is “key” .... yet so many of us are afraid to “rock the boat” so we hold it in or that seems to be the theme on the board this week.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 1:04pm

>>Look, if you’re having sex with a man which to me is ONE of the most intimate things two people...

Not yet - but I will file this message away in case the desire arises.

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