irony 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
irony 2
12
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 7:48am

Funny how we sometimes start to doubt ourselves or judge our suitability for relationships with others -- based on limited interactions with online people who are essentially strangers to us and who themselves are usually completely inept at socializing or dating....

..people online are strangers who accept or reject us based on a paragraph of text. When we meet them they accept or reject based upon an hour of idle chit-chat....

It's completely backwards to how many of us have formed relationships in the past.

I'm just starting to get this and find it rather ironic. It's also why many people get disgusted with OLD and do not last more than a month. They assume that OLD folks are all normal (and some are) -- however the OLD experience is most definitely NOT a mirror of the real world. Not in the people you meet. Not in the way you meet them. Not in how they (pre)-judge you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 11:59am

Ya know what?

Today I just don't care.

DS put me to sleep with a foot massage last night. I feel too good today to care about the flakes of OLD.

LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 2:34pm

It is ironic and very sad that we let people that are probably pretty warped themselves do such numbers on our self-esteem! Just b/c some person we meet on an OLD website doesn't like this or that about us, we think there must be something wrong with us. Very interesting.

I do think I am about done with the OLD thing though. At least I am ready for a LOOOONG break. I got a flurry of winks from guys that all live at least 200 miles away from me on Match and a couple of emails but I am just not feeling it these days. It is tough to get motivated.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 2:41pm

I know what you mean.

I was jumping my horse last night, and haven't felt that happy in a really long time.

When OLD makes me tired, cynical and cranky and riding my horse makes me feel young, happy and energetic, guess where I'm putting my time and energy?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 3:07pm

If I have learned one thing from OLD, it is to not take anything personal. Everybody is attracted to a certain type of person. Just because someone rejects us does not make someone unattractive. It took a few months to understand this and not take it personally.

It is interesting to hear this coming from you LG...I thought only women thought this way. But I have realized that lots of men feel the same way we women do. And they take the not calling back right away really personal. I have been guilted for a half hour if I didn't call someone back within the same day. Guess what? I was tired. I can call back and be cracky or wait for the next day when I am feeling better. If I was barely attracted to someone before, that conversation surely did it in.

It has really made me look at what happens when the shoe is on the other foot. I do believe online dating can be good as long as you continue on with the things that you enjoy...not wait for that special person to come along to fill that void. That just won't work and a person will get down on the whole OLD thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 4:51pm

<<..people online are strangers who accept or reject us based on a paragraph of text. When we meet them they accept or reject based upon an hour of idle chit-chat....>>

I totally agree which is why when I would meet someone I was never a fan of the "20 minute" coffee "date". I really don't see how one can possibly get an accurate impression of someone in that short a time...other than some gigantinc, glaring red flag. Like if he wipes his mouth on his sleeve! LOL

Also, in some cases, I was happy to have a second date as first dates can be rather nerve wracking for some and a person's true, best self may not always be apparent.

I think this could be a lesson that maybe we shouldn't judge so harshly based on so little information?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 9:27pm
You've spoke my mind!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 9:44pm
I think you all know how completely off the OLD train I've gotten.
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 11:50pm

>>But, my experience lately has been insufferable. I have a couple of contacts, but I can't even bring myself to actually get past the email stage. I've become an OLD flake! I just figure they are like all the rest, and cannot raise my level of interest beyond emailing them. And then I feel guilty for being so flaky.

Same here. I think once I hit the one year mark the novelty of emailing back and forth completely wore off. I swear if Pam Anderson emailed me I'd think long and hard about replying. It has become NOTHING more than "ok, here we go again".

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program of : email,email,email..phone..email,coffee,wait,wonder,wonder,email,next...

Repeat 3 or 4 times per month...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 7:39am

<>

Which is exactly why if, God forbid, my current r'ship goes south I will NOT return to OLD. He was my "last ditch effort" on OLD. When he contacted me I was on my way out, but deicded to give it one more shot. But I swear, I don't have the stamina for all that "stuff"! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: lg1964
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:02pm

Something to read, lg, while you're thinking long and hard:

http://entertainment.sympatico.msn.ca/celebs/articles/1112091.armx

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