my email to ghost

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
my email to ghost
11
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:50pm

Hey,
Monday I post a message about “what should I say to ghost”. Thank all of you for your replies to my question. I felt much better after reading your replies.

I read other threads; it seems “ghost” happens quite often on OLD. This is the first time I haven’t been ghost. I understand other people’s reply. I should just move on. I just want to write an email to him that I could accept that he didn’t want to see my any more, but I did not accept “disappearing”. I wrote the email below. English is not my native language. I would like someone give any advice and revise on it. Thanks very much!

*****************************
I didn’t hear back from you over a week. I took it as a sign that the way you want to end up it is disappearing. I don’t think any wrong on me or you if we decided to stop seeing each other. I understand people change their mind constantly. I just don’t like the thing: “disappearing”. If you disappeared within the first-three dates. It won’t bother me to write this email. I don’t like to write a good-bye email. I just want a closure on our two-months seeing each other. You are a great guy, wish all the best luck to you!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 6:14pm

I still would personally not send it. He ghosted. Chance are, you are not going to get an answer anyway or at least not the answer you want. But if you are determined to send it, I would modify it this way (I am a little grammar nutso so while I understand English as a second language being a barrier, it still is one of those things I feel a compulsion to fix!). I changed it while keeping your same basic structure and thoughts in place:

Since I didn't hear back from you for over a week, I took it as a sign that you decided you didn't want to see me anymore. I understand that people change their minds and am not offended that you decided you didn't want to see me anymore, but I would have appreciated it if you could have told me instead of disappearing. If it had happened early on, that is fine but I think after seeing each other for two months that we owe each other a little more. I don't like to say good-bye over email, but the situation made it necessary. You are a great guy and I wish you the best of luck.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 11:34pm

I wouldn't send a thing. What's the point? If he comes back with a lame excuse - it will be only for a few more encounters. And if he ignores you --- what do you gain?

There's no benefit to sending this letter - because what you're hoping will happen -- that he'll come running or phoning is HIGHLY unlikely....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 9:38am
vexer_hw, Thanks you for the revises.
I have decided to move on no matter he replies me or not. So I don't care what his reaction is. I just like to have a conclusion on whatever I did. I won't have any wondering feeling in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 9:56am
The point is that I don't like the thing: "disappearing" after seeing each other for two and half months without giveing any hints. I consider it is rude.
One moment I was thinking to send an email just saying " go to the hell". I know it was not mature if I did that.
Anyway, lg1964, thank you for your suggestion.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:01am

Then why say he's a "great guy" in the email? IMO, a "great guy" doesn't disappear without a word after dating for over two months!!! It's more than rude; it's cowardly and an indication that he lacks character and integrity.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:06am
That is just a fake polite way from my heart.
In my mind, objectively I do think he is a nice guy except for "disappearing" action he did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2005
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:10am
oh, I will revise it as " you are a great guy except for "disappearing", it is totatly unmature for a 39 old man. I wish your the best."
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:21am

I believe the word you're looking for is "immature". And I really don't see how someone can disappear and be a great guy except for that, but that's just my personal opinion.

I wouldn't bother with the email, although I understand the desire to send it. It won't do any good and I can say from personal experience that you WILL almost certainly feel worse after sending it regardless of whether he responds or not. Just write him off and move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:35am
What on earth is the point of this? He's NOT a great guy. You're trying to make him feel guilty? For what? it happens every day. Just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:39am

Well, then I am with lg and Sheri. If you don't care what he says, if I were you, I wouldn't send the email at all. He really ISN'T a nice guy for ghosting after almost 3 months and doesn't deserve to be told so. He'll think he can get away with it again. What he did was immature and cowardly. And you won't get the answer you are looking for anyway - what you are doing is just something that is an attempt to give YOU closure. While there is something to be said for that, chances are it won't give you closure because you still won't get your answers. It just gives you the "last word" so to speak.

Good luck no matter what you do, but I wouldn't send it if I were you.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

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