? about situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
? about situation
5
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 12:05am
I've joined eharmony and while I haven't had much success I do have a man replying to me. My dilemna is that it's been since March 31st since our last communication. We are going through eharmony's communication system so we are just answering questions back and forth. With the previous set of questions, it took him 2 weeks to respond. I understand people are busy. And I'm definitely not hung up on this. I just hate being in limbo, ya know? Sometimes you just get to that point where it's not going anywhere and it's time to end communication. I'm hesitating about this because we seem to be a good match. Well, as good a match as you can be online anyways. So I don't want to close communcation if something may work out. But common sense is telling me that if we are supposed to work out, he'd be contacting me. ARG. Any opinions on what I should do?
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 12:29am
I think your common sense is right on. If it takes him two weeks to return an email chances are he's really not into you. Move on to someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 3:27pm

I agree. If he liked you, any, he'd be all over you.

In a day responding.

I'd say he's a player that tried eharmony just to see what it's like.

EH stinks that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 4:59pm

>>I just hate being in limbo, ya know?<<

What are you "in limbo" about? Are you not emailing anyone else? Are you skipping work, waiting by the computer for his email? Are you trying on engagement rings?

You get the point. For crying out loud, it's just a few *emails* that you have with this guy. There is no "there" there yet; you don't have a relationship, and you certainly shouldn't be giving some dork you've never met the power to have you questioning yourself, feeling "in limbo", or giving it more than a few moments' thought.

Yes, I know it's far easier said than done. When we match up with someone and they seem to fit us well, we get excited and want things to progress right on down the track. The problem is that we're placing far more importance on this so-called "relationship" than it really deserves!

You're not "in limbo". He almost certainly isn't into you, at least to any serious extent; if he were, he'd have written. The next time you feel "in limbo" tell yourself "I do not have a relationship with this guy" and then go do something fun, or email some other guy, or something. The more you obsess on this one the more it'll tie you up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 8:52pm
Umm...for the record, I'm not hung up on this guy. I'm not waiting by my computer for days on end waiting. I definitely won't be devastated by this. None of that at all. What I'm "in limbo" about is whether or not I should end communication or if I should give it more time. None of this has anything to do with HIM. I just didn't know if maybe I should give him more time to respond since most people do have lives and are busy or not. And if you would have read my post more closely, you would have seen that I specifically said 1) I was not hung up on this, 2) I didn't know if I should give it more time or end it since it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I'm not new to online dating. I know the pitfalls and while I used to get so emotionally tied up with all this, I've learned my lesson, have become emotionally healthier and refuse to get "hung up" on anyone until I meet them in real life. I was have trouble deciding what to do and thought I'd see what other experienced online daters thought about it all.



Edited 4/17/2005 8:56 pm ET ET by freckles79
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 11:01pm

I've done eHarmony a lot and it is time consuming. Also, I hate it when I get to those open ended questions and the first email that you have to send someone and have been known to wait several days before responding. It takes TIME to formulate those responses and sometimes, I am just not in the mood! However, that said, it is usually the guys that I am not all that into that I will take my time or just not get around to replying to for a while. If I am into them, I will do what I can to move it as quickly as possible without looking desperate. I would assume that the reverse is true too - if a guy is into me, he responds promptly and we move pretty quickly.

Yes, eH is very limiting in that once you send your reply, you are dead in the water until you hear from them. I saw their new functionality for like a day or two and now I don't see it anymore but they were changing it so that you could see if they were replying or hadn't read it or whatever.

My advice, go ahead and leave it open for another week, but don't count on hearing from him again and if you do and you do somehow wind up meeting, I wouldn't count on it going exceptionally well. Of course, it could happen, but definitely odds are against it.

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