Need mature advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Need mature advice....
4
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 12:13pm

Here's the background.

I live in a relatively large metro area. I am going through a divorce. I met someone online that I connected with intellectually. We had mutual acquaintances, personal and professional. We talked for hours and had great conversations. Then we met in person.

We ended up having sex. We backed off. Then re-connected by phone and e-mail. Then met again and were intimate again. I told him I couldn't have just a sexual relationship. It's not my style. He said he thought we should take some time to figure out how to be friends. Maybe he was blowing me off, maybe not.

He's a business professional and something of a community figure and somewhat image-conscious. I think he was concerned because my divorce is not final and because we met online. I think he was embarrassed by that. I'll admit that I was smitten. Was he? Maybe not. If he was interested in me, he would probably call.

So, here's the dilemna. He's on the board of an organization that I have recently become involved in due to my work. I will be participating in an event that he might attend. I don't want him to think that I am stalking him or make him uncomfortable with my presence. I also think that if we met at an event like that, he might be open to a relationship. But, if not that's okay too.

Should I give him a simple "heads-up" e-mail that I might be there? I know it's not a venue where he would expect to run into me. He might not attend. But, I know he liked me as a person and there is the slight possibility that he might make it a point to attend to "legitimize" our meeting if he knew I might be there.

Or, I could be completely wrong and he could think I'm just sleazy. But, I don't think that's the case.

I'd like some opinions, please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 12:52pm

If he was really interested in a relationship, he would have called. I think this is a classic case of HJNTIY.

As to the social event, I think you should go but not bother with the warning. Why let him know that you are still thinking about him if he isn't thinking about you. In fact, it would probably make what could be a casual meeting a bit uncomfortable. You have a legitimate reason for attending, so attend, have fun, and don't worry about him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 1:49pm
Thank you. This is the kind of mature response I was looking for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 2:29pm

i agree no reason to tell him. who cares what he thinks or if he thinks you are stalking him that is his feelings and you are not responsible for his feelings. I am tired of us women worried about what he thinks.. what about us???

go and do what you need to do..if he chooses to talk to you sure talk to him and be nice.. again it's what you would do in any business setting right?

but I agree you don't owe him anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 6:56pm
Hi!
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