Should I give him a chance?
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Should I give him a chance?
| Wed, 06-29-2005 - 9:31am |
I talked to a guy for the first time on the phone last night after a few emails, and he seemed nice enough, but he was a little overbearing and very opinionated. We talked about getting together but didn't make actual plans. We live a little over an hour away and if he does call again and wants to meet, I don't even know if I want to go through with it. He's new to OLD and said that recently 2 other girls haven't returned his phone calls, which leads me to believe that they got the same impression of him as I did. I would feel bad being the third girl to avoid him since he just started doing this - I don't want to give him a "bad taste." And I don't feel comfortable telling him that he just needs to tone it down a little bit. It would be easy just to avoid his phone call, but should I at least give him a chance and meet him in person?

iv, please listen to your instinct. It has told you this guy is overbearing and you are not the only one who thinks so. He could be the type not to like hearing the word no, so in your place I would fire off a quick email: upon reflection I have decided that we are not a match. Good luck to you" and then block and ignore him. It would be a politeness to let him know you are not interested, but you still need to protect yourself.
Good luck!
amjay
Ugh, he sounds like a guy I had a couple of "phone calls" with.
First off, you don't OWE him anything. Just treat him the way you wish to be treated.
Also, maybe he was having a bad day-thus his bad attitude. Wait and see if he contacts you again. If his attitude is the same, pass and say no thank you.
Just my 2 cents...
It has told you this guy is overbearing and you are not the only one who thinks so
This is going on the fact that two others 'ghosted' on him? There's no way to know why they did - could be many reasons. Does the OP have anything to lose, save an hour or two, by giving him the benefit of the doubt that first impressions may not always be right?
It comes down whether she has the least interest in the guy on other fronts I would think.
A woman must do what he can't.

MSHi ivdaisy,
I have learned to trust my instincts, and if you felt he was overbearing and opinionated, and you don't like these things, then I wouldn't meet him. You can't worry about him feeling bad that you'd be the third girl who has not returned his call, it's his problem.
If you want to and feel strongly about it, maybe you could email him and tell him why you aren't getting together with him, but I'd also block him after that, otherwise he'll argue with you about it and try to convince you to meet him so that he can show you that you are wrong. But if he has your home phone (which I never give out just a cell #) I wouldn't email him. It probably won't do any good to email him anyway, since these kinds of guys think they are fine the way that they are.
I used to feel sorry for some of the guys doing OLD and would talk to them hoping to make them feel better (when I was a newbie to OLD), but learned I was wasting my energy where it could be directed elsewhere to things that were more in my interest. I wasn't doing OLD to be a counselor, but to meet a guy for a possible relationship.
But meeting him is completely your call. Good luck in your decision. Keep us posted...
Sunshine
No, this is going on the fact that he even mentioned it to the op. This is a classic pre-date guilt trip some people send others on.
And he was successful, as she is considering not saying no because she feels sorry (or something) for him.
Difficulties tend to arise when one ignores red flags or instinctive messages.
Just my (now) 4 cents.
amjay
Have you heard of the gut feeling? Don't meet him he sounds weird. If you are curious bring a girl friend or two with you. If you like him tell them see you later. IF he is weird you can always use the excuse that one girl just broke up with her girlfriend and needs you write now. Their are just too many weirdo guys out there be careful. My girlfriend and I always have a signal for each other like a code word. We say something like "sista" if he is o.k. and "don't forget to go to the band tomorrow" if it is a no.
Good luck!