Three Dates and Overkill

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Three Dates and Overkill
12
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:18pm

Hi everyone,

I came here a while ago asking for advice on my first OLD experience and now I'm back again asking for more.

I met this man online, we chatted for 3 weeks, met, we went on 3 dates. The first two were fantastic and I was really beginning to like him. However, on the third date, I was completely put off for a number of reasons.

Firstly, we had scheduled to meet at 7:30pm, go to dinner, a movie (dutch, always!) then head home. He knew that I had family over for most of the day. He called at around 5pm and we briefly talked, at which point I told him that my family should be leaving here around 7pm. HE SHOWED UP, unannounced, at 6pm. I was clearly uncomfortable since this was our 3rd date, I was just trying to get to know him and not at ALL comfortable with my family meeting him at this point.

I asked him why he was here so early and he told me that he got off work early and he wanted to meet my family, and proceeded to tell my sister that he had plans to take me to meet his mother the following Saturday. Wow, I thought. How nice of him to include me on the making of those plans.

Secondly, during our date, he was literally ALL over me. At one point in the movie, I needed to use the restroom and I went to get up. He grabbed my hand, asked where I was going, I told him I needed to use the restroom...at which point he tugged hard on my arm, forced me to sit down, put me in a HUGE bear hug and, in the most poutiest and childish of voices (imagine this) he says to me "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO, I don't wanna let you go."

WTH! In response to that, I told him that if he didn't I was going to have an accident and I needed to use the restrooms, now. He still wouldn't let go. I almost took off out of the theatre at that point I was so turned off.

Finally, at the end of the date, he planted the biggest kiss on me. It would'vew been fine if I was still interested at that point, but my demeanor had changed and I cut the date short. He pushed himself into my apartment and asked if he could stay over on the couch because he was afraid of falling asleep at the wheel. I declined and told him I need to be up early to head out with friends.

So, after that horrible 3rd date, I told him I was no longer interested. Since then, he's called no less than 15 times. I belong to a relatively small dating site with a forum, and he's plastered how 'hurt' he is and how his heart is shattered over the woman of his dreams. He emails me no less than twice daily and I no longer even respond. I finally picked up the phone last night when I saw that he called and told him to move on. Following that, he plastered more messages all over the forum how he is 'waiting patiently' for his 'love' and is convinced that I'm feeling this way because there are some pressing family issues that I am dealing with right now.

I have remained silent for the most part, allowing him to say whatever he wishes on these boards. Now, however, I am angry. We had 3 dates, and he's making it out to be like we were hot and heavy in some serious relationship. His persistence is p*ssing me right off, and I told him so yesterday.

I'm feeling unbelievable pressure from him and now his friends on that same site are chimming in to add their 'two cents' according to his version. They don't even know me.

I thought that after last night's conversation with him, I'd not hear from him again. Not so, since I've already received two emails from him...thus why I'm posting here.

Has anyone had to deal with something similar to this, and should I just continue to ignore? My back is up, I'm on edge, and I'm ready to tear into him, but not sure that this is such a good idea.




Edited 6/30/2005 12:22 pm ET ET by dbl007
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:48pm
He must have seen the movie Hitch. That's the way Will Smith's character acted after 3 dates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:53pm
Hmm, I've never seen that movie. Thanks, I'll go rent it and see how to deal with this person then.
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:57pm

Yikes!!!! I would block him from emailing you, and if getting "call rejection" is an option for you, block him from calling you as well.

ANY response from you is going to be seen as encouragement (ridiculous as that may seem), so hard as it is, ignoring is the best thing to do, I think.

If he continues for more than another week or so however, then you might want to consider filing harrassment charges. Save the emails and caller ID records for that purpose (although hopefully you won't have to resort to that).

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:05pm

Did he? I rented that movie Sunday night but it was so bad, I've blocked out most of what happened, I think!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:13pm

He might have. He's a movie buff, and his email to me today was that he had bought me two DVDs a couple of weeks ago and wanted to drop them off.

He knows when I read my emails on that site because it will indicate to him that the email has been 'read'...but I'm not responding.

I'm pretty well known at this site, since I have a lot of friends there. Yet, I feel like he is running me off. Perhaps I should hide my profile and get a real life for a while.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:18pm

Does the site not have blocking capability?

If not, yes, maybe taking a break from it would be a good idea. But in any event, I'd suggest that you don't even READ any more of his emails.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:29pm

Yup, it does. I didn't want to resort to that because then he'll just make another stink about it in the forums, but I am going to do that to get an even stronger message across.

It isn't his emails that are making me feel like running off the site for a while - it's his constant PUBLIC posts that are, quite frankly, embarassing me.

Also, whenever he sees me online, he calls me. So far he hasn't today, likely because of the conversation I had with him last night - but still. This was another reason for me getting turned off. He was clingy beyond belief and I found his behavior (like we were a couple when we clearly were not) a little disconcerting. I felt and feel smothered. I told him that last night. He made a post about it. Luckily his posts have kept my name out of it, but since a lot of people know me, they know who he is talking about.

I'd like to scream a big EFF U to him right about now.

Oh, just to add. He took down his original profile after our first date. When he told me he did this, I told him that that was a little presumptuous on his part. His response was that he knew that I was the one for him and he won't be needing the site anymore. THen he recreated his profile and has been using it for pour his heart out on the forums that he knows I frequent often.

Edited 6/30/2005 1:32 pm ET ET by dbl007




Edited 6/30/2005 1:35 pm ET ET by dbl007
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:35pm

I can understand why you might feel that way ;-), but I'd urge you to resist and continue to ignore him. As I said earlier, ANY response is going to be seen by him as encouragement to continue.

Yep, I think blocking him is the smart thing to do here, and as I said, if you can block him from calling you, do that too. My phone company offers a "call rejection" service that is well worth the $4.95/month, IMO!

As far as his posts on the forum, those who know you well are not going to judge you for things that he says about you. Blow it off, maybe take a break for a few weeks, and hopefully he'll move on to another target ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:40pm

Yes, let's hope.

I suppose my anger comes from the fact that I feel he is trying to emotionally manipulate me.

I think I'm going to take a breather from that site. This is getting way too personal and I don't like how I'm feeling right now.

Thanks for your 2 cents. It's helped me calm down somewhat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:25pm
Someone like this could be harmless but annoying, but he could also turn into someone obsessive and dangerous. Did he really show no signs of undesirable behavior during the first two dates? A warning bell would have gone off in my head when he came over early just to meet my family WITHOUT an invitation. Since I'm very adamant about no talking during a movie--as well as no stupid behavior--his little trick of hugging you and protesting "nooo, don't go" when you got up to use the restroom would have done it. I myself would have ended the date right then! As it is, see if totally ignoring him leads him to turn his affections (obsessive and socially undesirable as they are) elsewhere; but if you find he stalks you at all, take legal action. What seems romantic in a movie (not talking about the one already mentioned, but about old movies), is often dangerous in real life.

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