Can I contact him again after a month???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Can I contact him again after a month???
25
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 9:46pm

I started online dating about 2 months ago. From the get go, I started chatting with 2 guys at once (let's say their names are dan and mike). Dan was alittle more agressive... so we out on a few dates and we had a great. Then, I went out with mike and we also had a great time. But things were going so well with dan that we both decided to take down our profiles. Mike sent me an email the next week, but I never responded back to him.

Anyway, dan and I never really worked out, so now I'm back online.

My question is... it okay to contact this mike again??? And if so, what do I say to him without it seeming like he's the second choice? I did have a good time with him and would like go out with him again... and I probably rushed things with dan. I learned.

Thanks for any advice!!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 9:49pm
I would give it a shot. I would tell him that you had cold feet being new to on-line and stuff but because he is so nice - you would like to talk to him some more.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 9:59pm

You could...but I would start off with an apology for never getting back to him.

I would send a fairly simple email, along the lines of, "Hi Mike, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, life has been a bit crazy but things have calmed down now. I really enjoyed meeting you, and would like to get together again if you're still interested."

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 10:20pm

Sure, why not? I would put together an email like Sheri suggested and press send, then sit back and hope for the best. Good luck!

All the best,
Libra

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:31am
If you just kind of blew him off and never emailed him again, I'd consider that ship sailed. If a guy ghosted on me after a date and then a month later emailed I'd tell him to go pound sand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 12:54pm

ITA - I wouldn't give the time of day to someone who ghosted then decided to come back and try again.


There seems to be a sort of double standard ; if someone suffers a 'ghost' there's sympathy and soothing words of encouragment, quite deservedly, yet if someone admits to be being a ghost, they're encouraged to try again! Wouldn't most here

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:21pm
I know for myself, I will not respond to someone that ghosts on me & then comes back weeks, months later. It just means that they weren't that "into you" in the first place. And I guess I would never have the nerve to try to re-contact someone I had ghosted on because you would think they could see right through any kind of excuse that you could throw out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:22pm

<

Of course! And if the guy has any self respect he'll ignore you.

But he IS the second choice! Because you have so little chance of success with mike, I would advise that you be open and honest. Try it!

<

Well, I hope what you learned is how it feels to be coldly rejected and not know why.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:47pm
bbbbrrrrrrrrr....amjay....I need a coat for that one!!! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:00pm
Hey, vexer, don’t go anywhere! The board’s spirit is back!!! LOL
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 4:42pm

I can't speak for anyone else, but I personally will give someone another shot if they are nice about it and apologize for being out of touch. I don't think there's ANY obligation to the other person before you've even MET each other so someone not continuing to email or call me before we've even met doesn't really phase me. So, yes, I'd expect to be cut the same slack.

I personally don't think it's "ghosting" until you've been out at least 3 times--i.e., you have no obligation to let the other person know you're not interested in them until you've been out that many times. That's mainly because I *hate* getting "thanks but no thanks" emails with a passion greater than the fire of a thousand suns ;-), so I don't send them myself. The only exception to that is if someone makes a commitment to call or whatever. If they change their mind, then they need to at least send you an email saying so.

Sheri

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