i did a bad bad thing... any future now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
i did a bad bad thing... any future now?
24
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 7:10pm

i had my first date with an online guy yesterday, he came from the city (NYC) on a subway to my area, took him over an hour to get there (and usually city boyz try to stay local, lol). before we met, he joked that if we hit it off, i would have to come to the city for the second date.

we had a few drinks in a nice lounge, we had great time, he kept saying that I was cute and funny, then he suggested to get out. when we walked out he jokinly asked whether I had HBO... he said he was harmless...oh well, i know the rules (no sex on the first date) but i figured some making out would be OK... what did i know?..
we got to my place, had some wine, watched Sat Night Live and kinda ended up by having sex.... in the middle of it i started freaking out that i was making a mistake and we stopped.. he said it was cool, he understood that i wanted to get more comfortable with him first, he could see that i was a "good girl" and asked whether he could just stay over and cuddle. I figured it would be very awkward in the morning so I sent him home (turned out, it took him 2 hrs to get home). before he left, he said he would like to hang out sometimes next weekend (he lives and works in the city, takes some classes after work) as his week is very hectic, i agreed.

i thought that I messed things up and i would never hear from him again.. he called me next morning joking that i took advantage of him the other night, asked whether he could see me next Saturday and said that he is willing to come to my area again and even go to the same lounge... but this time he said he would stay on the couch or kitchen floor as it's a suicide to go home that late with the commute. i suggested a daytime date, some activities like a park or a zoo but he just laughed at it... i even suggested meeting in the city after work but he said that I was weird as I would not stay at his place and would insist on going home...he said he would be in touch over the next couple of days to schedule something for next Saturday....

so, do I officially have a F%ck Buddy now or is there any way to turn this into something more meaningful? in the worst case, a FB is needed sometimes too....
and, BTW, i am 29 and he is 33...

guys' opinions would be great!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 7:58pm

It sounds like you had fun. He even followed up and asked you out for next Saturday. He doesn't sound like an F buddy but someone who interested in getting to know you. I know plenty of people who do it right away and spend forever together, you can't change it, it happened but at least now you don't need to worry about what the sex is like looking at the bright side, LOL. Oh well right? We can all go by guidlines from past experiences to protect ourselves but once in a while THINGs happen ey?

Good luck!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:20pm

<<...asked whether he could see me next Saturday and said that he is willing to come to my area again and even go to the same lounge... but this time he said he would stay on the couch or kitchen floor as it's a suicide to go home that late with the commute. i suggested a daytime date, some activities like a park or a zoo but he just laughed at it... i even suggested meeting in the city after work but he said that I was weird as I would not stay at his place and would insist on going home...>

Sorry. I disagree with small_peanut. This paragraph speaks volumes. No doubt in my mind he's hoping for an exact repeat of your first date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:43pm

The only thing that bothers me is that he's not taking you up on the daytime date. If he calls, I would suggest meeting in the middle... where do you live? (I live in Bklyn.) And I would suggest a day date. He may think that because he got a taste the first time, he may get lucky again. Most of all, if you want this to mean more than an FWB then I would suggest staying away from each other's apartments...


Hope this helps. Let us know how it pans out in the next few days!

Kerry


For great info on OLD, visit http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:48pm
Yes, I am in Brooklyn, Sheepshead Bay area... So you can appreciate the subway travel time between UWS and Sh Bay :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 8:55pm

Ha! I'm in Brighton Beach... :)


Ok, suggestion... Park Slope. Or, meet in lower Manhattan--East Village, Little Italy, wherever. I definitely agree with joy thinking that he's looking for a repeat...

Kerry


For great info on OLD, visit http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 9:31pm

Thanks for pointing that out - I sort read it quickly - had just came back from the beach and aparently too much sun, LOL

I take that back, it does sound like from that paragraph he is looking for repeat and yes possible booty call - if that's what you want great and if not then I'd pass on this one.

Cheers,
Peanu

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 9:49am

well, after calling me Sunday morning, the FB called me again at night.
he basically said that after getting home from the date at 5am, he was a mess all day long, he had to get a nap and then missed out on all the work he had to do, had to catch up on work at night. he also said that he liked me and wanted hang out and to get to know me, however, he wouldn't last long with those commutes. he suggested us to be adults about it and allow him to stay over next time after the date (again, couch, kitchen floor, etc.)

he said that it was a 2-way street, if he is willing to go out all the way to my area hang out, then i need to be an adult and provide the shelter afterwards... he suggested that if we hung out in his area and it were 3am when the date was over, he would offer me his bed and stayed on the couch so that i wouldn't have to take a train at night...

i finish work at 5pm, and twice a week i am at the gym after work until 7pm, so I suggested him to meet me afterwards and then i would go home around 10 pm. he only finishes work at 7pm and he is 30 minutes away from where my gym is, plus he said that this week will be crazy... then i suggested spending the day on the beach but he said that that he was a night person and usually had tons of things to do during the day (chores, homework, gym, etc.), but it's still a possibility (and this entire week is supposed to be raining, no beach on Sat).

i mean, if i change my attitude about it and just see it as a FB, then maybe it will be less complicated. we both know that nobody will sleep on the couch but all this dancing around is really weird.

i guess if i want to see him, he is to stay afterwards, so technically, it is a FB, right?
oh well, i am setting my own trap...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:06am

I'm not sure what it is you may be seeking but this guy seemingly is truly only interested in having sex. It's blatantly obvious!!

If you are comfortable with an FB (don't make excuses for it) and also comfortable with HIS scheduling, then I say go for it! Personally it seems you are "dancing around" not him -- possibly thinking "what if?" -- since we connect sexually possibly he will change and want to see me more seriously! Sometimes folks initially have sex and then end up in LTR, blah, blah, blah. Could happen -- but YOU have to decide if this is something you are comfortable doing and/or waiting for.

If you are seeking more of a friendship with the potential for more (without the sex) then this guy is NOT for you and I would NEXT him!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:24am

I'm sorry, I don't like the things he said here:


"he suggested us to be adults about it and allow him to stay over next time after the date (again, couch, kitchen floor, etc.)


"he said that it was a 2-way street, if he is willing to go out all the way to my area hang out, then i need to be an adult and provide the shelter afterwards... he suggested that if we hung out in his area and it were 3am when the date was over, he would offer me his bed and stayed on the couch so that i wouldn't have to take a train at night..."


Sorry if I sound judgemental, but I found his statements there to be very condescending and controlling. What does letting or not letting a stranger spend the night at

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 10:29am

The more you write about this guy the more I dislike him. C'mon - you want a friends with benefits - I'm sure their are thousands of guys w/in 20 miles of you that would gladly take you up on that offer. Toss this guy to the curb, his tone sounds controlling the way he spoke about you being an adult, please. Sorry, he left a bad taste in my mouth. Focus on fiding a boyfriend in your area, you don't need this guy - seriously.

S

PS I will ad if he had any class he'd suggest getting himself a hotel or staying with a friend. I had a guy drive out from Bakersfield almost 2 months ago and stayed at a hotel, the thought didn't even occur to him to ask to sleep on my couch. But you and I both know he's looking for just sex.




Edited 7/11/2005 10:33 am ET ET by small_peanut2005
 
 

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