Says he will call but doesn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Says he will call but doesn't
8
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 11:47am

How do you guys feel about people saying they will call on a certain day/time and then they don't?

How many times can they do this before you end it?

In the beginning how important is it to you that people keep their promises?

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 12:19pm

This is a big sticking point for me. If a guy doesn't call when he says he will, he had better apologize and have a good reason for not doing so when he DOES call. If there's no acknowledgement of his failure to call when he said he would, then that's a definite black mark and possibly a dealbreaker.

Even if he does apologize, if he does it *again* soon after the first time, then I probably won't continue to see him. Being a person of your word is important to me, so if he's the flaky type, we're probably not going to be a good fit.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 12:31pm
Consider that he is not interested or flaky and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 12:37pm
If I say I will call you later then I will. I seek the same. I understand things happen once in a blue moon but have a good excuse (car accident, family emergencey) Plus, we live in an era where we have cell phones where you can phone someone or text message them (lets say your at dinner with a friend, client or family member) you can send a text message which I've had many times from boyfriends or men I was dating... or blackberries -- it would be a deal breaker for me if it happend a few times in a row especially early on.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 1:17pm

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In those scenarios, it's not appreciated cause usually I will make myself available for the call. Not respecting my time is a big dealbreaker for me!

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I have a 3-strike rule for specific behaviors I don't like!! After the first incident, I will mention the dislike (in a nice way) and then future mishaps I say nothing; but realize this is who the person is and if it is something I can deal with.

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Very important!!! Broken promises are usually dealbreakers for me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 2:08pm

I don't deal well with people who don't follow thru on what they said they will do. I'll usually give one pass, and expect a good reason, followed by an apology and I'll keep it in my file of possible red flags until proven otherwise.

To me it doesn't matter whether it's in the beginning of a relationship or not, it's just not acceptable.

Phone guy and I were planning to have a BBQ last Sunday. When he didn't call like he said he was going to I began to worry because it was totally out of character for him. It turns out he was not in a cell phone service area due to dealing with his houseboat that had gotten stuck on a sandbar. He apologized several times and said he'd make it up to me. He totally understood why I was a little upset and said that he didn't blame me and he appreciated my concern. I used that as my opportunity to let him know in a very gentle way that I expect people to show me the same respect I show them, and that is to follow thru and do what you say you will do. All was forgiven and we're both smiling again. :-)

Libra




Edited 7/14/2005 2:41 pm ET ET by libraclass
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 5:01pm
I have only recently jumped into the world of internet dating. I have been burned already. I corresponded with (quite sporadically) with a guy who lived only an hour from me. I don't think long-distance relationships work at all. We instant messaged for a while and did meet in a town in between both of our residences. He works almost 24/7, but he was another one who said he'd call and didn't. We had talked about getting together on Sun. (several weeks ago now). He was going to let me know if he could get someone to cover for him on his job. He never let me know. I did e-mail him later and told him that I didn't think he was like that and that I would have appreciated a call. I think he is still wanting a "fling" type relationship and he knew from the beginning that I wanted more than that. I honestly have to say that if a man (or woman) is not interested in anything long-term or doesn't want a commitment type relationship (as the majority seem to want), then they have no business on a dating web site trying to misrepresent themselves. This guy's profile was misleading and he didn't have the guts to tell me he was interested in someone else (if that was the case). Ultimately, it is wrong to lead someone on...whether you meet them online or in person. "Liars need not apply" is what I think I'll put in my new profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:51am

Hi Mitsy,

Sorry that guy did that to you, but it does happen in OLD (online dating). People should be respectful and not misrepresent themselves by lieing or with older posted pics, but they do it, unfortunately. It's all part of getting used to doing OLD. There's a FAQ page on this site that might help you to learn more about OLD and some of the postings in the archives. But stick with us here and you'll soon be a seasoned OLDer! Best of luck to you in your OLD endeavors.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 07-15-2005 - 12:55am

Hi GM,

I don't like people who say they will do things and don't. I give them a chance to explain themselves if they haven't followed through with say a phone call that they promised to me , but I am watching to see if it happens again. I usually give no more than 2 or 3 chances. People who are like this just are not courteous people and many times take advantage of others. Next!

Sunshine