New here and would like to say "Hello"
Find a Conversation
New here and would like to say "Hello"
| Sat, 07-16-2005 - 10:14am |
Hi everyone,
Well, I just signed up on an online dating site after 3 years of first ending a relationship and then spending time healing from it. It took the wind out of my sails, and for the last year I just needed "Me" time and getting to know myself again.
I was happy to find this site a few weeks ago, as I did the online dating thing several years ago, and found nothing but frogs in my pond ;)

Cool! Welcome to the board! Hope ya stick around and add your experiences to the mix.
Welcome to the board Begin,
It sounds like you now have the right frame of mind for online dating, especially since you took the time to heal. After my divorce (married 25 years) I thought I was ready to go right out there and date and so I started doing OLD, but learned I just wasn't ready for it emotionally. So I also took time to heal then, so that when I did start doing OLD again, I was much more prepared for the stuff that can get you down so easily if you are not in a good emotional state and don't feel good about yourself to begin with.
I tend to avoid guys who are just newly divorced for that reason. I find many guys don't take the time to heal and so quickly replace one woman with another and they think that will solve their problems. All it is is a bandaid to temporarily cover up their hurt and pain, but later when the band aid comes off, the pain is still there and they end up repeating the same mistakes with the woman they rushed right into a relaionship with.
I have become more selective in narrowing down the type of guys I want to meet and don't meet with as many of them as I did earlier in doing OLD. The processes of doing OLD can really get to you sometimes, so you have to be able to just say oh well and move on when it doesn't work with a guy. All of the people on this site are very supportive and it's nice to have a place to vent or share things with others who are in the same boat as you are. I don't always agree with everytthing they say, but that's ok since we all come at this from different walks of life and through different experiences and how we process them.
I met a decent guy from OLD that I dated for about 5 months, but ultimately we had different ideas of what we wanted and needed in our lives and I also found out that he was a commitment phobic type guy (which he covered until near the end of the relationship), which was a new learning experience for me. But I try to learn something from every experience so that I don't repeat it again. But I found that it's not only important to find a guy that you have chemistry with and click with, but one that is on the same page in life as you are for what they want in their life (LTR, marriage eventually, casual dating, or just sex).
It sounds like you have done well in your recovery from your last relationship and will do well with your OLD endeavors. I wish you much luck and want to say welcome again!
Sunshine
Thanks ladies for the warm welcomes.
Sunshine~
Your words are wise and I can see a lot of myself in them as far as BTDT, and moving forward. I am no spring chicken, with grown children, but I am tired of spending so much time alone, although I am not lonely. There is a difference, right ladies? I'm not ready to take the nestea plunge by any means and plan on spending a lot of time sifting through the sand, and trying to find those diamonds in the rough. They are out there....pealing back the layers takes time and patience, or so I have learned.
I'm going to approach my OLD experience with open ears and eyes, and not allow my heart to follow until it is ready to accept whatever may happen. IOW, just have fun for now and meet as many gentlemen as time will allow. In all honesty, I haven't even dated in years, so I will look at this as just another adventure in the life of "Begin".
This time I will be smart though, and not let my nosey darlings (kids) know what Mom is up to. I used to share my
Welcome begin!
You will definitely find a home here and will learn a lot from these folks--I have learned so much reading their advice! Please feel free to post as often as you'd like and share... we're all here to help each other and I welcome you to the mix!
Kerry
For great info on OLD, visit http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/
If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown