Still living with the parents

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Still living with the parents
6
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:40pm

The discussion regarding what is an instant turn-off in a profile begs this question, plus I have a personal stake in the issue.

If an adult guy is still living with his parents, is that a dealbreaker to you?

For me, it depends on the situation. Things happen, & if you have a parent or parents willing to help to further a goal, I think it's okay. I am living with my parents right now & I'm 31. I was laid off in March & decided I needed to change careers, but am saving up to go to nursing school next year. I already have students loans from my first college go-round, so I'd rather pay for it myself than take out more debt. So, I work full-time & my parents are so happy I'm turning my back on my past dead-end career (radio) for something more stable & lucrative, not to mention a better use of my brilliance.

I was sheepish going back into OLD with my living situation. A never married 31 year old with cats, living with her parents is not the biggest catch of the day. However, I've been surprised that this situation has not turned even one guy away. I'm sure there are other issues that have made a guy not interested, but no one has ghosted or changed their mind once I told them of my situation. The men have understood that this is just a mean to an end, a way for me to reach my goals & fulfill a dream.

Is there a double standard? Is it ok for a woman to still live with the folks but not ok for a guy? If a guy lives with his parents because it's easier & doesn't seem to do it to be working toward a goal, or have a practical reason to be doing it temporarily, that IS a dealbreaker for me.

Thoughts?

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 3:01pm

I don't know if I would use the word "double-standard!" Honestly, I don't think men have much of a problem with a woman still living at home.

In my opinion, I think it mainly is associated with the fact that men want to feel needed and women look for stability.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 3:08pm

To me I'm not okay with someone living at home unless there are circumstances. Such as job loss, debt from a divorce, high child support. And they should be contributing SOMETHING to the household even if it's small.

However, if they are just living at home because they want to save all their money for their own house (not helping mom and dad at all), lazy, just don't have the ambition to be on their own then no I don't want anything to do with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 3:44pm
And it turns the other way as we get older -- some of us (not me, but friends) live with elderly parents because they can't or shouldn't live alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:10pm
It's always been a turnoff for me, but I understand there can be extenuating circumstances. My opinion is forever colored by the number of guys I've met who live with their parents because their mother provides maid and laundry service, and they contribute little if anything financially.
I totally understand why twentysomethings, both men and women, live at home for longer periods now, especially in big cities. Real estate costs are through the roof as are student loan payments (and I thought mine were bad 20 years ago!).
Of course, I'm 43 and if a guy my age is living at home, all bets are off :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:19pm
But again that is circumstances not because your lazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:23pm
I've not run across any men in my age range 45-57 who were still living at home but, I'm sure they are out there. If they had been married or widowed and moved back to help elderly parents I don't think I would have a problem with it. But if they'd never been married and had never moved out, that would be enough for me to pass.