Ok, remind me again why I'm doing this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Ok, remind me again why I'm doing this?
9
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 12:07pm

Yesterday morning I get a really nice email from a gent that doesn't live too far from me. He tells me a little about himself and that he has the week off. So I send off a reply email giving him my email addy, my IM screen name, and suggest that he could contact me anytime during the day, as I have both on my computer at work.


Nothing! I check my email all day long. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. AND no IM's over an 8 hour period.


I come home from work, totally exhausted (it's our year_end and I've been

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 12:51pm

No, I wouldn't bother. He'll probably just try to argue with you.

However, did you consider that maybe he was out and about all day, enjoying his time off?

Also, I wouldn't have necessarily read his email as saying he wanted to have coffee tonight, just that he was lonely tonight and wanted to have coffee *sometime*.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 2:11pm

<<>


You had me thinking so I went back and re-read the email. Nope, he said, " I am very lonely. Would you like to meet me for coffee tonight?"

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 3:51pm

Ok, then, that's pretty clear, LOL! I was going off what you wrote in your original post, which was somewhat open to interpretation.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 3:51pm
What's wrong with just asking the question? You don't know the whole story. Like Sheri said he could have been gone all day or who knows? The timing and the content of his email surely doesn't warrant all this ire.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 07-23-2005 - 5:52pm

<<<You don't know the whole story.>>> My point exactly. I never even got a beginning to the story...


We only just emailed each other once the day before. I know nothing about this man except where he approximately lives and what he does for a living (stuff already in his profile), AND he never once asked me

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 9:56pm

"I check my email all day long. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. AND no IM's over an 8 hour period."

You're freaked over not getting a message in an 8 hour period and HE'S the one who seems too desperate...???

Help me out here..

T




Edited 7/24/2005 10:04 pm ET ET by seamus2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 4:40am

Begin:
You two are just in different timing intervals. There is no crime in feeling lonely for human conversation and meeting over coffee...he wasn't asking you to come over and give him a bj lol...KWIM?

relax hun, no i wouldn't tell him how your reaction was. Perhaps schedule a coffee meeting. I am finding that sometimes men just don't ask a lot of questions about someone and talk about themselves alot. (LOL). (Frankly i like the talky ones).

But we all have our preferences...if you want a lil more discretion then that is what you need. If you want to try something different and through a lil caution to the wind...then go for meeting someone and doing the talking (and interviewing LOL) in person.

I know a lot of people who have been online for awhile that choose to meet quickly without a lot of back and forth online. It really gets things going in real life. Perhaps he was wanting to get to know you and ask all those questions in person instead of typing them. Obviously he knew enough to feel like asking you out.

I also know the extreme...people talking for years without having met. Sometimes ...reality is better and realistic. I am sure you are wanting a happy medium. If you had been dressed and ready to go and not in the nesting mindset and itching to go and look someone in the eye and talk...you might have gone...who knows. Think of that as how his mindset was that night.

No harm no foul...just different approaches or moods. Please don't rake him over the coals for it. I almost did that myself and missed out on one of the best encounters of my entire life this past weekend. He may not be Mr. Right...time will tell...but i had a great saturday and I feel like a million bucks and I think i actually impressed him as well at being more than just about sex. (resigned myself that he was just a Mimbo and went out anyway). Never had anyone talk so gaga about me and to me even after meeting

not in love,..yet LOL i am realistic still, he tends to wax a lil more romantic...but i was so wound up and rigid about how i wanted this all to go down...i nearly missed this opportunity to explore more with a really emotionally generous man. (need that so bad right now).

This may be a lesson in exploring our own styles vs. others and how we see it. I was tooo defensive. There is nothing wrong with being protective and cautious Begin. I am not saying that. But there is also a lesson about how others are...aren't bad...just different. That has been a huge lesson for me this year as I am pretty judgemental about some things naturally. (Its my defense and some of it will stick with me). I am not saying to be wreckless, but I am saying to try to empathize a lil more that just because you get settled and are not so spontaneous ( i am like you as well and understand), its not an issue for others at all...and I find men especially adept at that...ya know...women need to be a lil warmed up emotionally, we also like to be "date ready" and that takes way more time then men. LOL Just from that fact alone...(comical but true) i can understand things. Men can naturally be more spontaneous. Hell perhaps he is even an air sign astrologically LOL who knows. I don't think it makes them a horrible person to get riled about or have to say anything to him about. YOU DONT KNOW the circumstances as to why he hadn't contacted much. Perhaps he is someone who doesn't hang online all day at all. Sounds like he likes to be out and bout in real. Real life...what a concept huh?

I say just write him and say you are sorry ya missed the timing of this and could ya reschedule...if you are still interested in meeting him...consider meeting half way in the controlled issue. If you want to have things pan out a certain way and you are not ready for meeting this guy. So be it. You have different styles. At the least if interested, learn more about his style.
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 7:09am

<<>>


You are very wise Lizzie. Thanks for your post and insightful thoughts. Actually I did decide yesterday to write to him with a little white lie that I didn't get his coffee invite until way after the fact, and that as a rule, I would need more notice if we were to meet. Also, somewhere I had read on this site that "True" will not forward messages that have your email address in it, so I asked him if he ever even got my Friday morning email. Funny, but he responded within 15 minutes with a nice long email saying that he checked his Friday emails and found my message in his junk mail, and was miffed that it had been thrown in there.


He also apologized for the spur of the moment coffee invite knowing that the odds of my responding to it were next to none, so at least he is pitching in

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:26pm

Hi ladies. I don't post very often but do read when I get a chance.

Your subject line caught my eye and I have to say I admire both of you for doing the online thang. I'm so paranoid about the whole OLD situation that I'm scared to do it. But today, I did sign up with eHarmony because I was thinking over the weekend, I don't have a lot of time to get out and meet people. I work full time, have my child for the most part of the weekend and babysitters are expensive!

At any rate, I hope I can get over the fear of it. I tend to be too trusting....LOL maybe that's the reason I'm so paranoid!!

Any suggestions for a newbie.