Out of your league?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Out of your league?
16
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 8:23pm

When looking at profiles online, I hate to admit that I find myself passing over some of the guys because they're really good looking, and in the back of my mind I think, what would a guy like that want with me? Granted, I'm no ugly ducking, but I'm not malibu barbie either. I don't know if it's the fear of rejection or what, but does anyone else find themselves lowering their standards (I guess that's the appropriate phrase) in the chance of getting responses?

Di

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Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 9:12pm

Di,

Your post REALLY hit home because I feel I sometimes get the case of the low self-esteemies a lot & sometimes feel like there are guys out of my league. I know, though, that if a guy judges me by my looks alone, I don't belong with him anyway. I do tend to shy away from the totally gorgeous guys (who fit my criteria in every other way as well) because I do often feel not hot enough, I suppose.

Of course, I was 250 pounds when I was 24, & even though I've lost 100 pounds since then, I still want to lose another 30 pounds to get into a single digit dress size (damn hips). Even when I get to my goal, I will NOT date a guy who wouldn't have at least given me a look when I was a few extra pounds. But I have decided to take a break from OLD for a couple months while I focus on my figure & my mindset, too, so I never feel self-conscious again. I am a dynamite catch, but I want to be able to wear almost anything & be attractive to any man that I like. I don't want to worry for days before a meet about whether he'll think I'm fat. Plus, there are so many fashions out there that I can't pull off right now with my shape. Plus, the sheer satisfaction of going from a size 24 to an 8 will be my greatest accomplishment. Granted, being a 12 right now is damn good, too.

I guess the thing is that you should present yourself truthfully & even some hot guys WILL find you attractive. Not all model types are that shallow. But, don't stay with an arsehole because you think you can't do better either. I was in a 4 year college relationship that was awful simply because I thought I couldn't do better at my size. A month after I had my epiphany to lose weight, changed my mindset & hadn't even lost a pound, I met a totally hot guy who ended up being my fiance for a time. We never married, but still remain close friends. He was attracted to me because of my inner beauty & the attitude that had changed inside of me. Yes, we all have those moments of low self-esteem. I think even the Uma Thurmans of the world get them. Just remember that if he won't even talk to you or return a wink JUST because of your looks, he's not right for you anyway.

Rah! Rah! Cheerleading mode done.

Annie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 1:33am

Ladies I think the anonymity of OLD is what makes it so great! In a bar or something we would never, or at least I would never, do something like wink at a guy or make the first move. But being online makes it so easy!! Nobody sees your rejection and it doesn't feel so bad. I winked at one guy I was dying to email me. Or at least wink back. He never did!! I thought his profile was awesome and I thought he was really super cute! But there are so many others, I didn't think about it. I still check out his profile every once in a while, but he wasn't interested in me. Why? I don't care really! I do, but I just don't think about it. When I do, I look at all the other winks and emails I have gotten from great guys and I feel a whole lot better! But I would have never known if I didn't wink, right?

The guy I am meeting with Saturday wrote me an email, when I first saw his picture I thought "not so sure". He wrote a nice email so I finally decided to write him back. Turns out to be a great guy, I think. Now I have been forewarned that he may be a player. So, I am keeping my options open, not getting too excited and taking it in stride. But I came really close to not emailing him. So if you think about it, we do the same thing. I will bet you that a lot of guys see your profile and think the same thing. There are guys that think you, yes, you are way out of their league. So chin up girl!! Take a chance and go for it, what do you have to lose? OLD is taking a risk, it is putting yourself out there. So I say...Go for it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 6:55am
Way to go girl! That is quite an accomplishment and not an easy one either. May I ask how you did it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 8:24am
Great topic, and one that hasn't been discussed much around here. I definitely see pics of guys I think are way out my league and I usually won't send an email or wink, mainly because I figure those guys get tons of attention and won't respond to me. I know it's a self-esteem issue (I'm working on it :) One time I did wink at a guy I considered out of my league and I was totally shocked when he responded with an email. We went out for a month, he ended up ghosting but I'm still glad I took a chance. Hey, guys who aren't all that have ghosted on me as well. Hmmm... not sure that's something to brag about :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 10:52am

Believe in yourself
To the depth of your being
Nourish the talents
Your spirit is freeing.

Know in your heart
When the going gets slow
That your faith in yourself
Will continue to grow.

Don't forget ambition
When others may doubt
It's your life to live -
You must live it throughout.

Learn from your errors -
Don't dwell in the past.
Never withdraw
From a world that is vast.

Believe in yourself;
Find the best that is you.
Let your spirit prevail;
Steer a course that is true.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 10:56am
I think you should go for it and e-mail/wink to people you think are interesting to you. The worst is - they won't e-mail back and so what. Not everybody is into looks by itself. I am sure you have many talents and smarts that men will find desirable.
We are all doing old and so are these guys. I think we are all valuable human beings :) You might be surprised so why not try and wink at someone you really like?
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 11:46am
I did it the old fashioned way, by cutting out fast food & exercising like a bat out of hell. Of course, the last 30 have been holding on for dear life, so I have jumped onto Weight Watchers for the last push to give me some help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 11:50am

I always did that, too, for two reasons: one being the "out of your league" reason; the other being that I'm a girl who is "a few extra pounds" and most of those "hottie" guys wanted "slim, athletic, fit, or average."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 12:00pm

I've been losing weight, too (not as much as you have), and I think a BIG part of the reason why is because I haven't had the money to order food out as often.

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Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 12:16pm

A lack of finances does help with the weight loss. It's the bum diet! LOL!

Seriously, one of my secrets of success is having bare cupboards & fridges. If I feel like a snack, I would have to go to the store to get something. Then I have to decide whether my craving outweighs my desire to move my butt. Usually by the time I decide, the craving has passed. :)

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