having trouble reading him

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
having trouble reading him
14
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 11:04pm

I've been emailing a man for a few weeks...we seem to have many similarities and good conversation.

    

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 11:32pm

1. He is not only interested in your looks! This is a good thing!

2. Why not email him back and say, I'm available on Thursday, here's my number, please give me a call to discuss the time & place. Then ALL your bases get covered. And in the meantime, just breathe and relax! The more you overanalyze, the more frustrating it will be. Just let it happen as it happens. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 2:55am

I think that you are over analyzing it too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 8:17am

Hmmmm - it may be

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Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:13pm

Thank you all for your advice...I haven't done anything yet, but I think I will give him my phone number so we can discuss meeting on Thursday...I will let you know how it goes :)

    
Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 12:39am

Well, I gave him my phone number yesterday and asked him to call me to discuss the specifics of tomorrow's date...so far, no phone call, and no emails either. I guess he doesn't want to meet me too badly, huh? :(

    
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 9:38pm

Chances are, you didn't do a thing wrong - don't blame yourself!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:50pm
I felt like you seem to, that the guy should email back right away if he's interested. However, this last time around, I'm relieved when the guy doesn't email for at least 2-3 days. If I were dating him, I wouldn't want to see him more than once a week and maybe talk a couple times a week. This is because I'm really wary of someone wanting to get involved too quickly. I like a guy who can stay interested in me even when he doesn't see or talk to me everyday. It's my opinion, from experience and reading, that people need to form mental images ("object constancy") of people in their minds. Object constancy is when you can believe in the good qualities of the person and their existence in your life even when they're not there all the time. That's hard to accomplish when you're always together, partly because the old information doesn't get sorted before you have to take more in. People who are insecure generally feel the need to be together all the time in the beginning, because they don't really believe in the goodness of others, or themselves. They need to keep the "other" "nailed down". I don't know what to think of this guy you're talking about, but if you pursue too hotly he'll probably get the feeling that you're too eager. Understandably, you want to hear back from him about Thurs., but pursuing a guy very much generally makes them run. I guess you need to balance your needs in the situation and his. However, I think a man only making contact periodically can be a good sign, rather than indicate a lack of interest. It's the ones who have to pursue every second of the day just about, then fall-off just as quickly once they've lost interest, that concern me. They're not seeking a relationship, IMO, rather to fill a void in their lives. As far as telling you you're beautiful, you haven't even met. Pictures can be very deceiving and when a man tells me I'm beautiful from a picture, I just think he's dumb. Good luck.
Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:31am

Update--the guy did call me this afternoon, and we met this evening--all was going well (even though he didn't say anything about my appearance, other than he liked my sweater), until he started hinting about sexual things, and then admitted that he has a stash of porno...he also said that he has had girlfriends in the past, but they were just "friends" to him, so he asked other girls out at the same time he was dating someone else. I used to date a pornography addict who cheated on me, and this guy kinda felt like "deja vu"...on the other hand, he was honest about the porn, and he even offered me his jacket when I told him I was cold...no other man has done that for me before...in a way, I think I'm trying to cast out the bad stuff and only see the good stuff, because I want someone to call my own...tunnel vision.

    
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 2:22pm

"...he started hinting about sexual things, and then admitted that he has a stash of porno...he also said that he has had girlfriends in the past, but they were just "friends" to him, so he asked other girls out at the same time he was dating someone else."


And you actually have to ASK? This guy sounds like trouble. Yikes. What do you really think will happen if you ignore these giant red flags? He told you right up front he's into porn and cheats on his girlfriends, don't expect anything different. He was honest about being a liar? And this is a good thing?


"because I want someone to call my own...tunnel vision."

Avatar for cutiekitty516
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 6:02pm

I'm just torn...he told me that he doesn't like cheaters, because he has been cheated on before; he said he has never cheated on any of his past gf's. Then he basically told me that he won't

    

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