Critique This
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 04-04-2006 - 10:00am |
So I joined Match again last week and updated my profile. So far, a couple of hundred views, but no winks or emails. What am I doing wrong? Here's my profile:
So here it is the bare bones, this is who I am and what I want. So me, I'm hardworking, loyal(if I like you, I'll always have your back), I suck at lying so I don't bother doing that, faithfull if I'm in a relationship, and able to take care of myself (meaning I can change my car's oil, tune it up, drive a motorcycle, fix a fence and any other minor house type repairs). I am a tom boy to an extent and not afraid to break a nail or get dirty. I have a really wicked sense of humor and love guys I can joke and kid with. I like to laugh till I snort and like to be the first to crack a joke. I have a toddler son, who is my boy and loves riding my horses with me.
Not scared yet.
Okay, I'm looking for a guy who is hardworking, has a job that he attends regularly, knows how to operate a washing machine without supervision. And if you are home before your partner I like a guy who can start dinner at least. I like to ride motorcycles and horses and cars (ford mustang girl/Dodge truck fan). I know who Billy Lane is and I have met Indian Larry before he died in Daytona none the less. I really miss riding motorcycles with someone and having no plans just going. I have two horses that I own, train and show. You don't have to be into everything I am, just know I have my own thing and I like to do my thing. Apparance wise, I like guys at least taller than me. Otherwise, you spend the whole evening looking at my chest and that's just not cool. I'm not looking for someone who is playing multiple people at the same time either. I'm so not plan B for the night.
So if you're not scared yet and think you can handle dinner. Drop me a line. PS for some reason I can never get my headshot to load so there a picture of me and of my old bike as extras.
So that's my profile. Everyone I know that is with someone tell me they'd go out with me in a heartbeat. So why am I not getting anywhere with this?
Thanks,
Jennifer

First, I notice a few spelling errors - do a spell check and catch those.
But I am a strong independent woman and I'd rather a guy know that about me straight up then to have him run screaming into the distance when I ask what bike builders he likes or offer a tip on working on his car. That's the main reason guys are put off by me, cause I can take care of myself. If I need help I'll ask for it, but otherwise I have learned to be confident in myself and do what I need to do to get things done. That's why I joke about are you scared yet.
By playing with more than one person, I mean if you're trying to sleep with more than one person at a time, beyond just dating around. I'm not interested. I'm not a back up plan and will not be the alternative plan if the girl they are really interested in falls thru.
I think women in general need to be independent. I was abused in my marriage and if you are a strong woman it will weed out the losers. They usually don't mess with that.
Horses, cars, motorcycles and that sort of thing are my interests. Hey I have a toddler, reading is a premium in my house and that's even for short articles.
Maybe, I shouldn't have wasted my $40 bucks again on this. I thought most people don't like to read a book about you they just want to be introduced and then talk.
Believe me - I understand about being independent.
Humor is *really* hard to get across in a profile, so your profile comes across to me as more confrontational than joking around. So I would take out the "are you scared" comments.
I'd also take out the negative comments about players, etc....guys who are players aren't going to NOT answer because you have that in there, and guys who *aren't* players may be turned off by the negativity. And if you have a height range in your "match" section, there's no need to mention it *again* in the text (and that also comes across as negative).
As far as the other stuff, a guy who's right for you will be fine with what you've written and how you are. Just realize that these guys may be few and far between. That doesn't mean you should change, just recognize that your dating pool is smaller.
Sheri
I agree with sheri and vexer -- I learned this the hard way myself. Nobody is more independent than me, but you come off as defensive, like you're challenging them to like you despite all these qualities that you are TELLING them to be scared of. You sound really prickly, not sarcastic, no matter what your intent was.
Writing a profile is really a marketing exercise. Sell your good points, don't apologize or explain what you think might be bad ones to some men. Just the fact that you can do some of that tomboy stuff should say what you need them to know -- you don't have to beat them over the head with it. I like the part about Billy Lane and Indian Larry, (that was awful!)
Tell them what you DO want, not what you DON'T want.
Honestly? I think that you may sound too "hard".
Couple of specific comments I had...
and able to take care of myself (meaning I can change my car's oil, tune it up, drive a motorcycle, fix a fence and any other minor house type repairs).
This is an issue - men want to take care of a woman. It's simply not attractive if a woman doesn't need him. Believe me, I've struggled with this, I can fix my own car, support myself financially, and do most about anything, but when I'm in relationships I do let the guy do a little of it. I don't feel bad about it, and I shouldn't have to. Relationships are give and take.
I have a toddler son, who is my boy and loves riding my horses with me.
Like it or not, this will scare some men off. Not to say you should remove it, you shouldn't, but just something to be aware of.
Apparance wise, I like guys at least taller than me.
I think that if you mention height, you need to mention other physical requirements. I'm sure height is not the only one. It would make this seem more balanced.
So if you're not scared yet and think you can handle dinner.
I really don't like this. You're looking for a date, not offering up a challenge. That would be a turnoff to any man I know.
If I sound critical, I should point out that I have an engineering degree, fly planes, and am an airplane mechanic. I can definitely hold my own with the guys, but know when I need to be feminine, as well. Guys are ok with tomboys as long as they can still see a glimmer of woman in there.