Emotional
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| Sun, 04-09-2006 - 9:00pm |
Today was an okay day for the most part and then for a few hours I just lost it. Kevin could tell that there was something wrong with me, but I wouldn't tell him what it was. I didn't want to tell him because he would probably think that it was nothing but to me it was a pretty big deal. Well he got pretty mad, well maybe not mad just irrated with me. He was getting ready to leave (yeah it was that bad) and then I finally broke down and told him. At first I was just really nevervous about tomorrow (I start a new job tomorrow). Nervous that I am not going to do well, fit in...all the what if's you know. And then I was just mad at myself for not telling him, and seeing how upset he was about it. I hate, I mean hate anyone being mad at me for any reason. I will do anything in the world to make the people around me happy. Kevin even said, when I get like that, and don't tell him what is going on with me, he wonders if I really do love him, and how I feel about it. I think after I am done writing to you I am going to write to him and tell him exactly how I feel. Sometims it is hard for me to tell people exactly how I feel. In school when I was hurt or upset I would keep it all to myself because the kids would use it against me and see it as a weekness and it would only make things worse. I think that may be why I tend to keep things like that to myself. I have to keep telling myself that he does really love me and really cares about me and only wants the best for me. He is not going to hurt me.
Cheryl

