Contacting OLD guy from the past again?
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| Sat, 04-22-2006 - 9:49pm |
I first started OLD a year ago in March, literally, as soon as I left my husband (yeah, I was THAT ready to get back on the horse! LOL) Well, there was this guy named Jay that I went out with once right at the very beginning, that I didn't keep talking to, alothough I think he wanted to, because I was at the point where I wanted the "stars in her eyes" excitement thing, and I thought that I had this big sea of exciting fish to go through, and at the time, he just didn't do it for me.
Well, I've been dating for a year now, and had my share of good and bad, and I think I've finally gotten to the point where the dazzle no longer dazzles me, and my wants are a bit different.
I looked up match.com today for the first time in about 6 months, because I got creeped out when they added all those big brother type things (seeing how many times someone's looked at you, etc.). And he was on there (still or again). And I started thinking that maybe I should contact him again.
I mean, we had fun when we went out, it was very comfortable, and he was very laid back--we even took his dog for a walk. And I think I might like to contact him again and see if maybe we could go out again, but I'm afraid that he might be pissed at me. I can't remember exactly how it ended between us, if I actually said I wasn't interested, or just slowly stopped taking his calls or what, so I'm nervous about trying to contact him again.
What do you think?

Nothing ventured, nothing gained...but of course there's a pretty strong chance he won't be interested in trying again, so you risk rejection.
What would you say to him if you did contact him?
And another thought...I would caution you against thinking that he's going to "do it for you" this time if he didn't before. I'm sure he looks great in the rosy light of a year of dating later...but I think that if he were really right for you, you would have stuck with him back then. I guess I'd urge you to think about how it would feel to you if you were in his shoes...if he said yes, and then you decided not to proceed again.
Sheri
The truth was, Sheri, that I honestly didn't give him a chance. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I was that shallow, but I was. I had just become single in a new big city, and was looking for someone that dazzled me, because I thought that it would be easy to find in a new big city.
I've finally realized that it's not all about glitz and glamour and what he does for a living and what kind of clothes he wears...so I think I'm ready for quality men for the first time, and am hoping that I can redeem myself and see what he's really all about...if he'll let me...
Are you planning on *telling* him that? I'd advise against it, if so!
Sheri
Telling him what? That I was in a bad place at the time we met, and wasn't in the right frame of mind to date, so I took time out and learned about what I was looking for, and was hoping that we could try to get to know each other better now at a better time?
I don't see anything wrong with telling someone that...or at least, if a guy said that to me, I'd be OK with it...it just means that they saw something in me they liked, but maybe weren't ready for/looking for at that particular time...
Am I wrong in that assumption?
No, I was referring more to you saying you weren't "dazzled" by him...what you wrote here sounds fine.
Sheri
A male friend of mine was over last night and told me that a woman he had met through OLD and gone out with a couple of times a year or so ago had e-mailed him this week. His reaction was to think she had probably just ended a relationship and was feeling alone and/or lost and was trying to reconnect because of it. He wasn't too positive about it and said something to the effect that he felt that she wasn't interested before but was low and needed someone now.
I think you should hold out for the whole package. It sounds a little bit like you are looking to settle after a year of not so successful dating.