I'm taking a pounding here
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| Mon, 05-15-2006 - 3:53pm |
Well I guess I should have known it was going to happen but was hopeful that he would be able to reach beyong his fears and open up. My co-worker and crush was ill last week and I called Friday night to find out how he was doing and left a message. He called back on yesterday and left a message apologizing for missing my call and letting me know he was fine. I left it at that and today he came by to visit and mentioned the phone message and I told him I got it. I told him I was glad he was okay and that I was worried. That was my second mistake. My first misake was thinking that he and I could be friends even though I had a crush on him and sort of hoped that we could be more. We talk long hours on the phone and have begun playing games on online while talking on the phone. For hours.......4-5 hours stretches of playing and chatting and laughing so hard sometimes I think I am going to pee my pants.
Okay back to his visit today. In front of my co-workers he responded to my saying I was worried in a barrage of "don't worry about me" and "many people here have worried about me and stopped because I don't reciprocate" and the kicker..."I don't want you to worry about me". Short and to the point right there in front of my co-workers. Right before he said it he stopped....looked away and it was apparent he was trying to find the right words to say what he felt he needed to say. He was a bit choked up as he straight and to the point said he didn't want me to worry about him. I said that friends worry about friends and he wasn't satisfied with that at all. I then said oh here we go again. He didn't appreciate it but he knew it meant that he was fretting about me again (I thought he had stopped months ago and we were just relaxed and enjoying our friendship) but I guess he thinks we're getting too close. And we were. As he was walking away he smiled at me and said..."You need to buy an X-box so we can game against each other." WTF???? Then he said that he had the perfect game for us and I wasn't paying attention because I just wanted him gone so I can cry. I have no idea what he wants even as his friend.
This is how I see it. He likes me more than he wants to an he felt the need to shove me aside and he found the meanest way possible. Publicly and to the point. I think it's time to let go of him and any possibility of even a friendship which is what I so enjoyed. He deserves so much more than being alone. He is a phenomenal person with an amazing smile and a huge heart but he keeps it guarded. I find this sad.
Sorry I just need to vent.
I have made the decision to leave this board. Even though I am still chatting with my friend in Florida my life doesn't apply to this board. In the past I have always felt that I could remain but lately it just seems like I have overstayed my welcome. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice over the years and I wish everyone luck for what they are looking for in regards to online dating.
F

Unfortunately while you feel he deserves more, unless HE feels that way, nothing will change.
It is absolutely nothing anyone has done or said or anything negative at all. I just sit back and read the board every day and I just don't relate with the direction it's been going in and I have made the known a few times. It's just my direction not the board. I think it reminds me when I tried so hard with online dating and it wasn't always a pleasant memory for me.
Thanks for you response. You are right there is nothing I can do if he wants to hide but feeling the way I feel right now hiding and not experiencing pain and joy sounds like a dang fine idea. But its not reality and I want to feel the love and joy of finally falling in love with someone who can love and respect me. I look forward to that happening one day. In the meantime I will continue losing the weight and who knows what the future holds. Definitely need to stay away from co-workers at this point.
F
Well it was a pleasure while it lasted.
Maybe this doesn't apply to you specifically but my experience is this:
Guys will open up to a woman they are really interested in. That "I'm afraid" thing is just a nice way to say, "I'm not interested."
I've had way too many guys tell me the exact same thing. They sure do want to be best buds, but they tell me their ex hurt them, they're too busy, etc. And yet, when the "right" girl comes along, all those "fears" and past "hurt" seem to go by the wayside.
Don't ever accept excuses. That's what they are. If you want to be just friends with him, so be it. But it sounds like you're wanting more. My advice would be to tell him just that - 'I want more than just friends. If you're not interested, we have to stop hanging out together because I'm not looking for just friends.'
Hey Fluffy,
I haven't read the other posts, but I think you have a communcation problem with this guy. Read the book "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" by Deborah Tannen, Ph. D. I think you'll see what I mean. Men and women communicate differently. For a man, when you tell him you were worried about him, he may hear you feel sorry for him, like he's inferior. A woman thinks she's just offering support and concern, but a man may very well experience it differently. The author of the book explains it very well. Good luck and don't give-up! It sounds to me that this guy likes you.