Too many men at once?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Too many men at once?
9
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:13am
How do the women on here keep from getting overwhelmed by too many contacting them? Naturally, I pick and choose which ones I'm interested in but I still managed to give 4 guys I met on-line my number in the last couple of days and expect all of them to call me this weekend. Two of them I already set up dates with...one for Sunday and the next for Monday. I'm trying to keep my options open because they might start dropping like flies even before we go out. How do the other women on here handle this because I'm having a hard time keeping everything they say in their profiles and in their emails straight and I'm trying to maintain my enthusiasm about getting to know each one of them when in reality, I just feel flooded.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 1:26pm

I personally go in "waves".....one month I'm very very picky and screen really hard, where I won't even give them my phone number or meet for coffee just in case as I just go with the gut (not saying its right or wrong) and the next month I'm scheduling 2-4 dates in one week.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 9:27pm
Hi there. Actually, I'm pretty overwhelmed myself. I have 5 guys calling me right now. I feel odd if I schedule dates back to back (not to be confused with double booking like Charlotte in sex and the city :) I have to spread the dates out by a day or two. I remember a long time ago when I thought love would just fall in my lap. I never would have thought it would get this difficult! Lately I've also been getting people's stories mixed up. That is where I have to realize I'm not being as genuine. I really think 3 guys (if even) should be the max for me at a time. Not to mention, it takes so much time out of my regular life when I also need to be calling and getting together with friends and family.
Anyway, hope you get it sorted out, no pun intended :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 7:13am

Too many guys at once can cause problems, especially if you get confused and can't remember which guy wrote what and get them all mixed up. That would be embarrassing!

I have experienced having too many contacts at once, until I started making cuts right away to weed out the ones who were defintely not what I was looking for in a companion. For the ones I was interested in, I made a chart for each that listed basic info (location, age, etc), and even copied and pasted his photo on the page (this is easy to do in Word). It was pretty time consuming but paid off to avoid getting confused. For the ones I opted to talk with on the phone, I would have their info sheet with me as we talked and could make some notes. I did meet several of them, but after the first meeting I pretty much knew if I wanted to see him again. After the intial "getting to know you" conversation, it would sometimes fall flat and just sort of lay there. And if you find yourself looking at your watch too often and looking forward to leaving, then that's pretty obvious you're not with Mr. Right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 9:13am

Yeah, I think I'll start limiting the number of guys I maintain contact with because it's too much like work for me. I used to correspond with only two guys at once max. but with all the bad dating experiences I've had, I'm learning that keeping your options open is the smart thing to do. Though I think I'm going a bit over my head by not limiting my options.:) It seems to me like more guys than ever are contacting me and a lot of them seem like great prospects so I don't want to pass up a guy who might be right for me. I never thought I'd have this problem but I guess it's not that bad of a problem to have.

I tend to look at their profiles and emails before I get on the phone with them but I just forget things that I want to bring up in conversation because there's so many things with several guys. I spoke to one guy yesterday who I'm supposed to meet today and I got his job title confused though I got the industry right but that's because somewhere in my head, I thought he was an adjuster at an agency when he's an actuary in a company (both work in the insurance industry) and I didn't have a chance to reread his emails to me since I was away from home when he called. I felt bad but he didn't seem to take it badly. It's not until someone speaks to me that what they say takes shape in my head and gets memorized so those kinds of mental glitches are normal for me. I like that idea of making a chart with all the vital info. on each guy. I already started a little dating notebook to keep my thoughts organized and will use that to weigh the positives and negatives of every guy I meet on-line. And I think spreading the dates out like the other poster suggested is a good idea too because I'm usually tired the next day after staying out a bit late with a date, plus I have a new puppy who needs my attention. I'm not an extremely extroverted person and need some me time every day to recharge or I start going nuts so I think limiting dates is called for in my case.

The guy I set up a Monday date with by email this Friday called me for the first time on this Saturday night a bit after 8 and left a message for me to call him back to make plans. The thing is he asked me out for Saturday night by email on Thursday night so I told him that it's a bit late for Saturday so let's shoot for Monday or Tuesday. Why in the world then would he make his first phone call to me on Saturday night of all nights and not once but twice (though only leaving one message)? I thought he'd put two and two together and assume that I already had plans for Saturday night. I'm calling him back later this morning but some things just make me wonder especially when guys seem intelligent like this guy seems to be.




Edited 9/10/2006 9:19 am ET by ivegotsauce
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 9:40am
Callie, That's a great idea to make the lists. Aren't you organized :) I may start doing that and even write a pro's/con's column on the list to make it even easier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 2:08pm
Unfortunately, that is not a problem I have ever had. In fact, I would be surprised if that was the "norm" for most people. It doesn't seem to be by most posts on this board. Maybe it depends on where you live, but I seldom had more than one or possibly two contacts on any dating board at one time. Having a bunch of guys contacting me within the same time period would be a scenario that would just never happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 2:48pm
Well, I am on match.com and also on an alternative dating site as in not the standard match.com or yahoo personals or lavalife, etc. and I seem to be getting better results and lots of quality guys on this other site more than I ever did on any other site. I also live in New York so there is always someone new to meet. I find match.com to be a total wasteland but I'm now stuck with a three month membership, I think my last time. I rarely seem to be able to find anyone on there who is on my level (can write complete sentences and doesn't have a profile that makes me want to squirm) I'm attracted to or that I hit it off with. The men on there seem to be far pickier too and flaky...they'll wink at me and then not even bother writing to me...or they'll ask for my number right away and then never call. Out of the four guys I was supposed to speak to, two called and they are both off the other dating site. Neither of the two guys from match contacted me yet even though they said they would this weekend. So that's proof enough for me and I would recommend anyone using the more popular dating sites to find another one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 5:02pm

Hey, never say never.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 11:44am

Yep, fairly small town and right now I am not online at all with any dating site, but when I was, it was very sparse. In fact, it seemed like a waste of my $ to even have a membership. That is partly why I have not re-subsribed plus I do not want more of the same. Last time I looked, there were very few new profiles that had been added in the last 6 months or so. Some of those same faces are on there from over a year ago. :0

I am interested in a guy who lives locally - shocked about that totally. He does have my phone number but is a farmer and is in the field a lot now with harvest season, but he said he would call me and we'd do lunch or dinner when he had more time. I am NOT holding my breath, but I do find myself very interested in this guy. This is the first guy I have even really looked at since Mark left. Will have to wait and see.