What if he wants a killer bod

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
What if he wants a killer bod
16
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 1:09am

I'm not obese nor have I lied about being razor thin (I'm average weight). I met a guy online and sent him a picture I took back a few months ago. He knows the picture is several months old. We lost touch and now several months later he has started calling again, he thinks we should meet. He knows that I dance. He thinks I have this hot body but I told him that my body needs work, that I dont' have a tight drum stomach and my bottom stomach is soft. He said he likes a woman who takes care of himself, since he goes to the gym and works out. I told him that I do try and take care of myself but I don't want him to think that I have this hot little body. He kept saying he would be turned off if a woman has a belly (I have a soft little one), etc. He keeps insisting on meeting me. I'm starting to think I should just cancel since I do have a little body and have told him that I dont' have a tight drum belly. What's the use of meeting him when he will probably find fault with the fact that I don't have a killer bod?

I would appreciate any suggestions and/or comments.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 12:36pm
I honestly wouldn't waste another minute on that clown. You don't even know this guy and he's making you feel insecure. Not good.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 12:58pm
While he is entitled to want what he wants, it sounds like he is being a jerk about it.
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 1:00pm

Good grief. I agree with Michelle. I wouldn't spend anymore time on that guy. He sounds like a jerk and you don't need to feel self-conscious about yourself. You should feel comfortable on a date and with a guy. You deserve better....

Jennifer

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 3:26pm
If he has seen your photo, then he knows you are not obese. If it is a supermodel he really wants, then I doubt that you would want this guy anyway. Most women are not a size 6. If he thinks that most women have no stomach flab whatsoever, then he is living in a cave as to what is normal and what is not. He cares more about the package than the person. He should not even be talking about such things really. He's wasting his time, and more importantly, yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 4:41pm

Let me share an online experience. Mind you I made TONS of mistakes! (smile)

When I first started OLD, I chatted w/a guy for several months and it seemed as if we had great chemistry! We talked for 3 months before we met. Anyway I had sent pictures periodically and the conversation just flowed. Our first meet was actually going to be a weekend vacation to the beach. Two weeks before the trip, he kept commenting on the fact that he couldn't wait to see me in a bikini and how much fun we were going to have. I would kindly remind him that I don't wear bikinis cause I don't have a bikini body! Even though he had ALL these pictures (full body too) he was just so into me mentally that irregardless of my pictures and conversation, he was visioning me in a bikini. Well the week before the trip I was feeling a bit awkward and decided that we should meet half way. He lived in Fla and I was in Ga. We both drove 3 hours and met in the middle. Awesome encounter; people thought we were either married or engaged -- chemistry was there; but the following day via email, he sent me an email stating that I was "too large". His exact words were "even though I didn't deceive him, he got too caught up in the moment and started visualizing all these things and how I would look," blah, blah, blah. Let's just say I was devastated.

****************

Just sharing my story, and not sure how long you guys have been chatting. I would follow my gut; cause I don't like feeling insecure. If you want to meet him set up a quick coffee meet cause this guy just seems excited (which is a good thing) but he is not hearing you about your body type! He's too caught up in the fantasy of what he thinks you will look like irregardless of your pictures and/or conversation OR he is a jerk and is looking for a trophy-gal.

Then again, maybe his perception of a Hot Bod is YOU!! Either way when you meet him be confident and strut your stuff! I always do!! (smile)




Edited 9/14/2006 4:45 pm ET by tstephnic
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 5:39pm

Dont meet him.
And make sure he knows why you wont meet him.
Stating that he wants someone fit and athletic is one thing and talking about the little flab on women's abs is details you dont need to know. The guy sounds too superficial so even if he might like your body there is still this shallowness about his character and his lack of respect to the other person he is chatting with.
Think of how many girls he hurt by simply stating how disgusted he is with flabby abs!
I certainly feel it is right to state what you are physically attracted to but not to offend those who dont meet your criteria.

Also he disappeared for a while so he was not that interested in the first place. He may be having hard time to find Miss Universe who will accept him this is why he started looking in his old files.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
Thu, 09-14-2006 - 11:15pm

Your answer makes a lot of sense. In fact the responses I have received are all true and I agree.

You are correct he disappeared for a while and then sent me a long email when I didn't answer his phone calls and told me not to hold his past against him (the disappearing). He said he believed that "we had something" and wanted to see me. In fact he asked if he could see me that very day. I told him I was busy.

I'm not a gym person but I do believe in exercising. I belly dance, salsa and do pilates and yoga. I went on vacation over the summer to Hawaii where I overate and gained a few pounds (I am a size 6 but a size 6 with a soft belly). ButI had the soft belly before I went to Hawaii. I was annoyed with a comment he made about my belly dance instructor. Firstly, she is an amazing dancer who really knows how to isolate her body. He said he was disgusted because her belly was hanging over her pants. I explained that belly dancers come in all sizes, shapes,ages as well as dance styles (tribal vs. cabaret, etc.). She has been dancing for 10 years and gave birth 2 years ago. He said that the point of bellydancing was to have a nice belly. I told him he had a Hollywood idea of bellydancing. Even the costumes are different depending on the style of bellydancing (Egyptian, turkish, etc.)

I forgot to mention that he sent me his pic via cell phone and he is an average looking joe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 2:01am
Yeah, that's the funny thing about belly dancing...you have to have a belly;-)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 4:43am

My opinion: scratch this guy off the list! He is more interested in looks that anything else, and to me that is a very shallow attitude. He has already criticized your appearance and you don't need that kind of treatment.

Who you are is so much more important that what your body looks like. You deserve much better than what he has to offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 4:03pm

He told you you were "too large". WTF??? :0 Did you respond to his e-mail? I think I would have responded "I think you are way too shallow for me, so we're even". It's these kind of guys who have profiles online for years. They are always looking for the perfect woman and they are too impressed with themselves to see beyond their nose. They are actually losers who don't know it, and they will probably continually be looking for the perfect woman and finding fault with whoever they do go out with.

Out of all my online meets, there were two that I absolutely had no interest in seeing again after I met them. The second one was not too long after Mark left, and I was not emotionally ready to meet anyone, but the guy was trashy, unkept, unattractive, not appealing in any way, shape or form. He got too physical with me as well; kept trying to kiss me. We had talked off/on since I had started online dating, and I had reservations about meeting him, but I was trying to move on with my life. Anyway, he and I were NOT a match.

The first guy is my best "story" though. He had a profile on Match and lived in the same area as me. His photo looked nice and he had 2 kids he had on the weekends. Seemed like a nice guy overall. This guy and I talked a couple times on the phone, and I found out that he believed his "sex skills" were his best trait. I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. He proceeded to tell me that he did not think "morals" should be connected with sex. Almost like he could have sex with anyone and have no feelings or attachments to it whatsoever. I was pretty clear to him that I did not feel the same way he did, but I tried not to be judgemental. We ended up meeting for dinner (against my better judgement) where I found him extremely hard to talk to in person. He was also a very small guy (talking short, slight of build but with muscles that I'm sure he thought made him look much bigger). Ever hear of "little man's syndrome"? This guy was the poster boy for that label. Anyway, I got through dinner and it was one of the most uncomfortable dates I have ever had. It wasn't so much due to his distorted views about sex as it was that he talked very little and gave me nothing much back to make conversation with.

After dinner, I told him it was nice to meet him, thanked him for dinner and left it at that. When I got back to my computer, I had an instant message from him asking me "what I thought?". I responded back to him that I thought he was nice, but that he was very hard to talk to. I also told him that I had had some time to think about his views about sex and that I could not date someone who had such a casual view about sex. I told him if he truly wanted a woman long-term, that he might have better luck if he re-thought some of his issues about sex. Most decent women looking for a long-term committed relationship are not going to be lured by his idea about sex. Anyway, I told him we could chat anytime he wanted, but that I was willing to be friends but nothing more.

About a couple months later, I see him and a girl at this same restaurant we had eaten. I had no reason to avoid him and went up and said "hi" to him. His date said "hi" as well and we chitchatted about things..I think it was near Thanksgiving last year when this happened. I SOOOO badly wanted to ask this girl how she felt about "casual sex". I actually felt sorry for her. She might have been fine with him thinking that was his best quality, but I was not impressed with him or his moral character. Since then, I have seen him at the store where I work part-time, but he didn't see me. Interestingly enough, he has not had anyone with him any of the times I have seen him since then, and he still has an active profile on Match. Imagine that. LOL




Edited 9/15/2006 4:21 pm ET by mitsy2

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