Having kids at my age a real liability?
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Having kids at my age a real liability?
| Fri, 09-15-2006 - 8:49pm |
I am 53 with an 11 son and 14 year old daughter. I am a fit, athletic, educated, professional not having much luck with OLD or IRL either. I was wondering if my having kids at such a late age in life is a turn off. Let's face it, most men in their fifties are done with raising kids. I wonder if that is such a strong turn off that I should just give up and wait until my youngest is a junior in high school when any man could at least put 2 and 2 together and realize that within a few years I would be free.
Any thoughts?

I am a 53 yo non-custodial dad of a 13 yo daughter & 17 yo son who I see weekly. I figured when I got divorced 6 yrs ago that I would need to date someone about 10 yrs younger in order to be in the same life situation as I, i.e. having kids around my age. Most women that are in my age bracket are empty nesters or soon-to-be ones. They don't want to deal with kids anymore (been there, done that) and want to step out, travel, etc. I am not in that place in my life.
When I do a search, I usually put in the range of 43 to 53. I have been in relationship with a woman 12 yrs younger and several years older. I find it hard to find women (in general) that keep themselves in shape, especially as they age so that is another reason I look to younger.
The women friends I have (49 to 55) have gotten involved with older men.
I think online is especially hard for it is harder to get to know the "real you" and all we got to go on is .. your face, your age, and all the other things that don't mean too much if the person really gets to know you.
BTW, I've seen so many women here on iVillage say that they are educated, have a good job, house, etc. which implies makes them a more desirable catch. For me (not speaking for men), it is how the woman looks and their values are most important. I think the other stuff such as education, house, car, profession is more important for men in order for them to be desirable for women than visa versa.
Mark
You know, while it might seem like that is a drawback for you (when it comes to dating), I think it depends on the man and where he is in life. I am 46 and never had children and am past wanting any. I always "thought" that that might work in my favor, however, after 7 years with no one special in my life, I am still single with no real prospects. And yet I see people get married who have kids still at home. I personally have always thought "blended families" were hard on kids (at least when both people involved had kids from previous marriages).
The last guy I dated had custody of his daughter. I did not anticipate any problems with that, but during the time we were dating, her Mom decides to sue for custody so he ends up going back to wife #2 (who he wasn't quite divorced from yet) in order to up his odds of keeping his daughter. He apparently thought that this looked better to the courts somehow. Now, I would be a bit gunshy of getting involved with another guy who had custody of an underage child. Girlfriends who try to date guys with this battle on their hands are in for a rocky ride as far as romance goes. In my case, I was a casualty of the stress involved with the custody issues. It has been 4 months since we have been together, and I'm just now even considering trying to go out with someone else. I was not prepared for the pitfalls of a guy with kids because most guys in their 40's either do not have custody or the kids are grown. It was not the kid's fault, but I am hoping I will not have another scenario such as this one ever again.
I think it takes someone special to take on a ready-made family. I would not be up to raising someone's child at this point in time--at least not on a full-time basis. But, I do believe there are guys out there who would not have a problem with it. I have seen it work before, so I believe anything is possible.