My 2 cents on the weight discussion

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
My 2 cents on the weight discussion
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 3:16pm

I haven't been on for a few days and MAN I didn't get into the discussion! lol

PART of my story sounds a lot like some of the women on here. I had always been a chunky child but thinned up when I got to high school. I was 145 at 5'4", athletic, and I still thought I was fat. I look back and think.. "you were so wrong!" :) I had/have an "hourglass" figure so my weight distributes everywhere when I gain weight but especially to my hips and boobs!! lol Anyway, I've always had weight issues. Growing up in the south, food is everywhere and everyone thinks you should eat it all! lol About 4 years ago I lost 65 pounds after having my son. I felt great, I was in the best shape of my life. Then I went thru my divorce, got depressed last year, now I have back problems that keep me from doing any endurance exercising and I like to stay active. Needless to say I have gained about 25 pounds back in the past 2 years. However, I am over all of that now, and am back in the frame of mind I was 2 years ago. I HAVE been dating off and on the past 2 1/2 years though. I DID notice that more men winked or emailed me from Match when I was 25 pounds lighter. I think I was too thin even at the lowest weight and CONSTANTLY got comments from family, friends, and coworkers that I was going to "blow away with the wind". You could feel bones but I was no where NEAR anorexic nor would I do anything like that just to lose weight. Now, being back on Match, I don't get as many winks or emails (and some of you may have seen my profile from the previous post about looking at OLD profiles from others) but I have rearranged my whole outlook on dating and how I view myself. No, I'm not thrilled that my body looks the way it does but I'm slowly getting back on my feet after my divorce and my mind set is different. I know I will never be skinny because I have a curvy figure. I have accepted myself as being who I am and yes, I will try and lose at least 15-20 pounds to make MYSELF feel better about my body. Now, my personality is upbeat and I have always been known to make people laugh and I care about others. That has never changed. I have also become more outspoken and honest with people. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not. lol But that's who I am.

This time on Match, my mind set is that I am who I am and I know I will only get better as time goes on. No, I'm not 23 anymore (I'm 30) but I have a wonderful son, a new house, and a bunch of things that a lot of other people in this world don't have. I feel very blessed. If guys don't like what they see, they can keep going. I know that there is a guy out there who will like me for me. I'm not seeking a buff, 20 something but I don't want a man who doesn't take care of himself. For example (and y'all will get a kick out of this lol): I met a guy last Wed. night for a drink. He was 6'3" and had some weight on him but not so much that he was huffing and puffing for breath. lol That didn't bother me because I like guys who are like teddy bears and it seemed he took care of himself. lol Anyway, we had a great time, started talking about people we met online, and he told me about a girl he had dated a few years ago who was drop dead gorgeous but that things didn't work out and after 6 months of dating they broke up. He said he had dated other women after that and he said he found himself comparing them to his drop dead gorgeous ex!!! I then politely asked "Then why I am sitting here talking to you then?" lol He told me that I looked fine to him and that there was nothing wrong with me. And you know what, it didn't bother me. In previous years when I didn't have self esteem, this convo would have ended or I would have felt soooo humiliated. But I took it with a grain of salt and just bluntly asked him why he had chosen to talk to me. :) He just came across as one of the guys that you all talked about earlier that isn't in the best shape of his life BUT he wants the perfect image of a woman on his arm. That's why I was straight up with him. I don't want someone who is superficial because I'm not. He ended up telling me later that he thought I was curvy. lol I ended up seeing him for a few minutes Sat. afternoon before he left for vacation for 2 weeks! Ugh. He seems very interested but I'm not waiting around for him to get back from vacation.

He's not the only guy I have seen since being back online but he's the only one I've felt a connection with. We'll see where it goes.

I guess what I've been trying to say in this post is that everyone should feel blessed that they have what they have because there are some people who have less. There is someone out there that is perfect for you (cliche I know). lol Hold that head up high and don't settle for anything less than what you KNOW you deserve! :)

Jennifer