I've Had it With OLD!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
I've Had it With OLD!!!
32
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:44am

Ok, that's it...I'm burned out with OLD! I have tried several different sites over that last three years and have only found a handful of guys that were not liars, cheats or just out of a roll in the hay....lol.

And the few that I ended up dating for awhile where nice guys, but there was no chemistry and it was like dating my brother! :)

Oh well, I tried, but I'm burned out on the whole thing. I'm going to enjoy my peaceful life and forget about men for now. And like they say, if it's meant to be that I meet Mr. Right, then it will happen.

Misty

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 10:34pm

Dating can definatly be frustrating and I find online dating especially leads to people you have no chemistry with. If your extremly discouraged in dating you may very well be ready for a break. I think it is very true that men are attracted to women who are happy with who they are; and if the whole dating process is making you unhappy you may be a lot more likely to find someone when your not looking. Good luck with the not search.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 7:05pm

MOVE!! You know what I've noticed Mitsy? That in my city it's a typical beach front community...it's pretty well-off...a lot of money here...I notice that I don't get as much attention here at all...but when I drive to Los Angeles to visit relatives, I'll be at the stores, in downtown L.A., etc...and I get sooooo much attention. It's so wierd. I don't know why that is...I don't know if it's because there's a larger ethnic community in L.A. or because it's so diverse. But I definitely notice that I seem to be the 'L.A. Type' for men as opposed to my own city which has a lot of surfer types. I think the 'California Girl' is the ideal here...super fit, young, minimal makeup, casual, etc...

I go to Santa Barbara or San Diego and men don't look at me. It's those 'California ideals' that I notice men go for...but I go to Los Angeles and men look at me there everywhere I go. Why? Who knows. Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know if the people in L.A. are a little more bold because the life is faster there so maybe the men from L.A. aren't shy. Maybe that's why they're more direct about their interest? All I know is that in my city, the guys act stupid.

Now let me make this clear. I have dark long hair, brown eyes and I do dress well. I'm not this ravishing beauty and I'm not tooting my horn here, but I get told A LOT that I look like Catherine Zeta-Jones. I can 'sort of' see it because she does look hispanic. I love clothes. So I dress conservatively but pretty tailored. I have long hair and I do wear make-up. But even with that, back home men are like 'whatever' towards me. But in Los Angeles, men seem to be drawn more to that 'hispanic look'. That's my un-scientific conclusion but that's what I think.

So my advice to you is move...maybe you're in a section of your state or nation that isn't really your niche anymore. You'd probably get more attention or better luck somewhere else. Or maybe you should expand your dating area...put your profile up in a larger city near you (not too far, maybe an hour or two away) or start looking at profiles for men in those areas. Sometimes a few miles makes the difference. Each city has it's own vibe, it's own personality--maybe the type of women men in your area are looking for isn't who you are. It's worth a try!

Good luck!




Edited 9/24/2006 7:20 pm ET by amerissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:50am
I think if you are fairly young and have no ties to the city you are in and do not mind moving, then that is a good option for some. When you get to be in your 40's, it's a different ballgame though. Most people are well established in their careers by then, many own homes and have family in the area, so moving on the small chance that you might meet someone is a huge gamble. It is one I would not be willing to take at this stage in life. I mean, I'm less than 10 years from receiving full retirement benefits. If I cannot find a guy within a reasonable driving distance to where I live, then I will remain single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 7:44pm

If I had the funds available I probably would move; the area I'm in is mostly pig farmers...well, not that bad (and hey, we need bacon, right?). I'm in the midwest and I'm very sorry to say that most of the photos online are not that attractive, a lot look like ex-cons! LOL

I'm just going to hang it up for awhile, for right now life is more enjoyable and relaxing without a man in my life.

Thanks for your comments! I have no idea what the west coast is like as far a what men want...but I'm really sorry that you have to travel to los angeles to get guys to notice you. are you going to move to LA?

Misty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:30pm

I don't have to travel far..I'm only 2 hrs away from L.A. and I go to Los Aneles often because I have most of my family there...but I definitely notice the vibe and the people are much different. More people, more action...much more of a selection that's for sure.

Now, I definitely believe that a long distance relationship where it's impossible for you and a potential partner to be together is pointless. But a distance of only an hour or two away isn't bad at all. It's do-able and definitely worth it if you find a person you click with and fall in love with. I also believe that if you keep doing the same thing and that hasn't brought you much luck, you're going to get the same results. If we're continuously unsuccessful in the area we're in, then maybe we should look elsewhere. The person we may have a fulfilling relationship with may not neccessarily be in our back yard.

As far as moving, I used to think EXACTLY the same way you do...my job, my job, my security...I refused to give up my freedom or security, I was pretty rigid in regards to that. But I won't be so hard on myself, because maybe I thought that way because it was just me. I was single. That's all I had so yes, I made my job my ALL. I worked tons of overtime. I volunteered to get in good with my supervisors. I worked my way up the career ladder the way we do it. Well, you know what, I'm 36 years old, I've put in 16 yrs at my job and what the hell do I have to show for it? A house? An empty one at that. A job isn't everything. A job is just a paycheck. It doesn't hug you at night. It doesn't make you totally happy. I've put in a good chunk of my life and dedicated it to my job and here we are, not really satisfied with our love life, so what does that tell you? That maybe at this point in my life, the personal life should take precedence. It's time to nurture that.

Now don't take me wrong, I like my job, but it's not a priority for me anymore the way it used to be. Meaning, I'm a smart girl, I believe in myself. I can find a job anywhere. I can do what I do now somewhere else. I don't have to lock myself in this box and just stay here. To leave a job or leave my particular city doesn't neccessarily mean I'm letting go of my retirement and letting go of 'everything'. Maybe I'll be getting more than what I'm actually 'losing'. Retirement can can roll over depending on your retirement system you have, your 401K too or you can leave it there and let it accumulate. You can take a leave of absence with the right to return. There are so many options. I know people who have lived in 2 or 3 other cities and they didn't let a job pigeon-hole then in one place. I have two friends who married military men and they quit their jobs and relocated with their husbands and got jobs elsewhere. People do it all the time.

Point I'm making is that if I met the right man, I would definitely move. Before I would've said no way, but not anymore. Life is too short to just focus on a job. For me family is more important. An hour or two commute isn't far in regards to dating. If (and that's a big if), I met someone and fell in love,maybe I wouldn't even have to move. Maybe he'd want to move here--who knows. It's not that far. I don't want to overwhelm myself with all the 'what if's' and jump ahead of myself. But what I'm trying to say is that I'm much more open to different options now and I'm not just looking at dating only in my city. If it's not too far, I'd be willing to date a man if there was a short distance between us.

Here's an article I read today...it made perfect sense...good luck!

http://www.tangomag.com/tabid/89/articleType/ArticleView/articleId/123/Default.aspx

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:42pm
I think that's the main thing, having the distance be reasonable. An hour or two isn't bad. Now if we're talking about you and the man being in different parts of the world or thousands of miles away, forget it. That's not really an option (I wouldn't do it) because I've been there, done that and big distances like that are hard to sustain. But 1 to 3 hours away isn't bad. I have a friend in San Diego and she met a man in San Francisco at some conference. For the past year he has been flying down every weekend to San Diego to see her...he's there in San Diego in an hour and a half by plane. I met him and he's a great guy. He's madly in love with her. He's older, settled, has his own restaurant business. He's 52 and she's 39 (with 2 teenage boys). He's already proposed to her too. Unfortunately, my friend doesn't want to marry for at least another year because her divorce just became final and she's not ready to take that step again. But she has told him that in a year she'll do it. I hope it works out for her because I know how hard it is to find someone who's a good fit in this day and age..I'm really happy for her. Point is that Mr. Right isn't always in our city.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 2:09pm

Yep, that is true, and I hope things work out for your friend. I am pretty attached to the house that I worked so hard to buy and also my family who live here. I would not, under any circumstances, move from my elderly Mom at this point. Too many family obligations with my family at this point in time. I have many, many friends and quite frankly, at 46, I am simply not going to start over somewhere else. Too big of a gamble and I would be giving up far more than I would be gaining. A man would be nice, but it is not enough to throw everything else in your life away for by moving--at least not for me it isn't. If you are younger, your mindset is different. You don't have as much invested and you are not thinking about retirement like I am. My retirement would not be transferable if I moved anyway.

I do not even care to do the long distance thing. I tried dating a guy via OLD who lived an hour away. Is very hard to do and ultimately the guy oftentimes does not want to make much effort. Maybe some guys are more willing to make the effort--I never got that lucky.

In the meantime, I HAVE met a decent guy who lives locally. We have met at a local restaurant. He is a farmer (something I swore I would stay away from), but he is good looking and great to talk to. Is far too soon to know where this might lead though. Had my hopes up too many times before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 2:06pm

'Dating can definatly be frustrating and I find online dating especially leads to people you have no chemistry with'

Why do you think this is? I have been finding the same thing (only been online a month though). I thought online dating was supposed to help this sort of thing? lol...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:02pm

I LOVE your posting Misty! I gave up on OLD too....just got tired of all the lies and BS that guys can dish out. But hey, we gave it a try!

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 2:39am

I haven't done OLD that long but one brief exposure to it and I am done with it. It seems so unnatural for me to meet people this way. When I connect with close women friends, it isn't through shopping in a 'friends catalog'. We meet when somewhere in our day to day living our lives intersect and over time we develop a close relationship. I don't know why it can't be that way with dating too. This idea of trying to connect with complete strangers just goes against my grain. A friend of mine does it and has met more men than me. I am not impressed with any of them.

Back to organic for me.

Pages