Manners

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Manners
1
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:34am

Hello! Last weekend I had a third date with someone I met online. Up to that night the dozens of conversations had been pretty interesting and the previous dates were good enough for me to want to see him again. Although, I must say that I didn't have an overwhelming sense of chemistry with him. Saturday, we decided we'd cook food at my place. We met up late afternoon, made a grocery list with a couple cookbooks open on my kitchen table...it was fun. Well, I was astonished at the grocery store at how very rude he was to people. I feel that treating ppl with respect is a must, and is definitely a deal breaker for me if a guy is rude to waiter, workers, etc. We went down a food isle to get something, and there was a family looking at the same things. Well, he just walked right in front of a lady and stopped in her line of vision, I mean walked 3 inches from her! He just stood there looking at the groceries. I was standing farther behind everyone and got so embarrassed at his behavior. The people were annoyed, too. He did this another time in the store as well. There was no "excuse me", slight smiles or remote awareness of other people. Then at the checkout line he was rude to the checker. He ignored everything he said, didn't take two seconds to greet the person, nothing. I actually had to answer all questions the checker asked like, "are these serrano or jalapeno peppers"? My date completely ignored him. Once again, I was embarrassed at his lack of awareness of other people. He also acted real edgy the whole time towards me, not happy and relaxed.

Anyway, I was shocked and totally turned off. I really wasn't up for 3 more hours of cooking and hanging out at that point. To top it all off, when I started talking to him 3 weeks ago, we initially had a convo about smoking...I said that I don't date people who smoke at this point in my life. He said he had been trying to quit for a while and that he finally quit. Then he said, "I promise". Annoying situation because I have no interest 'babysitting' someone making sure they are quitting before I date them, and I won't. I took his word for it. Well, his car smelled strongly of smoke, and there was smokey tar on his rear view mirror...it was obvious that he was the smoker, not someone who happened to be in his car. Ughhh... it was a disaster date!

Now, this guy thinks we are in an "instant relationship" when what I really want to do is completely stop talking to him. How honest should I be with him as to why I'm not interested in pursuing things with him? We're definitely at an ackward point where to just ghost on him would be wrong, but we are not in any official relationship. The whole situation is uncomfortable.

thanks in advance for any help!
Av

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: av1506
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:59am

I think after 3 dates, and assuming he has called or emailed and asked you out again, an email from you saying simply that after giving it some thought you don't think the two of you are a good match is sufficient. I would not go into details...it won't do any good, for one thing, and he'll probably just try to argue with you. If he does ask for details, I would just repeat that you don't think you're a good fit, and block him.

Sheri