Exclusivity talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Exclusivity talk
6
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 1:39pm
I met someone on-line and we really clicked. After a couple of weeks of dating, he asked me if I've met someone else who I'm currently dating and like. Then he told me he really likes me and wants to date only me. I was taken aback but told him that I felt the same and told him I haven't met anyone else besides him and I only like to date one person at a time as well and that would be him. He agreed but he hasn't removed his profile from the site though it's been only a day since we've had the talk. He's been on in the last 24 hours and I haven't been on for days. Should I bring it up? I would think he should take off his profile first since he was the one who suggested exclusivity. Any advice?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ising101
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 2:36pm

This is why I think it's so important to clarify what each person means by exclusivity during the talk, regardless of who initiates the discussion. His definition of "exclusive" may not include removing profiles, for instance.

But since you didn't talk about it, I'd just bring it up next time you see him. You don't have to make it all heavy, just a clarification of what each of you means by exclusivity, and how that impacts things like online profiles.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
In reply to: ising101
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 8:19pm
Yeah, I guess I assumed that being exclusive means not leaving yourself open to new dating partners. Since he mentioned the dating site when asking if I'm dating anyone else off of there now, I thought removal of our profiles was what he was hinting at. I will have the talk with him when I see him in a couple of days. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
In reply to: ising101
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 9:59pm

How do you know he was on in the last 24 hours when you haven't been on in days ??

Ok you caught me trying to play dumb . . . lol I know when I want to go in and see if someone is still active I can do so anonymously . . . just want to make sure you've got that in mind and are "checking his online activity" in a way that does not indicate to him that you are still on there.

It's that age old question in OLD - - is he still on there browsing . . . or is he perhaps checking to see if I am still on there browsing . . .

. . . that defence/argument could go for either person :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
In reply to: ising101
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 9:01am
Well actually, with match, if you save the emails delivered to your inbox from the site, clicking on the picture will let you know when the person's last been on. I logged in yesterday though since I got some new emails I wanted to view. I'll keep you posted on the conversation I have with him.:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
In reply to: ising101
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 7:23pm

Perfect - I've not used match so I wasn't sure how that worked :-)

I made the fatal error once of getting into the cycle of "checking" on a guy . . it got quite ugly but that's a whole differnet post plus it's now ancient history so not worth rehashing :-)

It sounds like you are taking a comfortable outlook to this - that's excellent - I'm finally learning myself not to move ahead too quickly with my expectations and it's made me a lot happier in the OLD scene :-)

Let me know how it goes :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
In reply to: ising101
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 10:19pm

For the first time, I'm keeping my expectations low but this is not normal for me. I've been so disappointed in the last couple of years with men and dating (flakes, liars, users, commitmentphobes, etc.) that I wouldn't believe you if you told me that it could be as easy as it's been with this guy. So far, he seems wonderful to me...and wouldn't you know he snatches me up before the blink of an eye!

So I brought it up over the phone when he called me this evening saying that it only makes sense if we see just each other to not leave ourselves open to dating others on the site. He joked that I don't want someone else to steal him away from me. That's cute considering he's the one who said he was going to win me over when I did not jump on the idea of us being exclusive, lol. He asked me if I'll remove my profile soon and I said yes so we both agreed to do it tonight and he joked that I do it first and he will follow. I have no problem with it and feel so much better about things now.:)