Confused at to what I should do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Confused at to what I should do
5
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 7:59am

Ok, here's the scenario...

I contacted a guy on-line. The site I'm on has an option to click yes, maybe or no to a person based on their profile. When you click yes they send that person 5 profiles and tells them one clicked yes for them. They then can click yes back (not knowing which one) and if you both click yes then they e-mail both of you. This is what happened with this guy.

I sent him an e-mail and he responded a couple of days later with a very nice one telling me that I shouldn't be shy. I then responded and didn't hear back for a couple of days. I noticed he was on line and e-mailed (being forward which is not like me) and asked him for coffee or a drink. He said yes, and thanked me because he didn't get out much. He e-mailed me the next day and gave me his number to call him. I did and we had a nice conversation for about 1 1/2 hours saying we'd meet on Saturday. Nothing for the rest of the week about details until Saturday morning. He suggested we do dinner, I picked the place and everything went great. We had dinner, chatted easily and then went to the local pub for a drink. He left around 11 because he lives about 1/2 away. I get the sense that he's very cautious which is fine. We had a really nice long kiss and I asked if I'd see him again and he said yes starting as friends which I'm totally cool with. He also said he wanted to swap real e-mail addresses. It's now Wednesday, he's been on-line and no word from him. My gut is telling me he's waiting for me to contact him again but I don't want to seem to pushy. I really like him and given signals it seemed he liked me too.

Here's my question. Should I just wait and see if it dies or should I make one final attempt giving him an out if he isn't interested. I get the feeling that he's been really hurt before and therefore not wanting to make the first move. I'd really hate to lose contact because we were both waiting for the other to make the first move....

HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 8:51am

No! Don't contact him - as it is you've run after him more than he's run after you! I think that when a guy is truly interested, they don't have any problem asking a woman out. If he's not confident enough to ask you out, you have to wonder about his level of interest and/or his confidence. I think you should leave the ball in his court.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 5:02pm
Let me get this straight...so you kissed and after kissing he answered that yes you'd see each other again "starting as friends" ? That's odd.
I don't kiss on the first date so that I can actually get to know the real person without jumping right into a superficial intimacy. My guess is that he felt like it might be moving too fast and wanted to just space things out a little. If I were you I would wait until he contacts you, especially because you have already jumped into being the initiator. It is his turn to initiate. :)
Sunday to wednesday flies by when youre really busy. He may have only been getting a few minutes here and there to check his online dating accounts. Just give it a little longer. I would definitely consider it a die-out if you don't hear at least a nice quick hello by Friday.
Just my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 6:00pm

Men just suck at this stuff!

What would be wrong with sending a brief email: Thanks for the dinner! I had a great time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 6:17pm

If he wants contact with you, he will contact you, whether you keep sending him e-mails or not. You said he's shy and he has a perfect way of contacting you the shy way...via e-mail! Sorry to be blunt, but there's no excuse for him not contacting you except that he doesn't want to.

I would suggest not trying to get too attached to this one too quickly which looks like is already happening. After all, he said he just wanted to start off as friends. If it was meant to be, things will go further eventually, but it can't be you initiating everything. Is that the kind of relationship you want going forward? Always having to be the one to initiate everything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 7:51pm

I agree with what everyone else has said on here. Wait for him to contact you. I was in the same situation as you recently. I kept initiating contact with a guy I met online. He would call me some, but I was really hurt that after we finally met in person he wouldn't even respond to a brief e-mail I sent him letting him know I had fun. Then I called him to touch base and felt silly for even doing that. I thought to myself that if I have to do all the work to even get him to communicate with me, then we probably aren't meant to be. I can tell you that when I didn't call him for about five days, he did finally call me. Sometimes being patient is the best thing, even though it's so hard. If it's meant to be, this guy needs to take the next step.

On the physical thing, be careful with that. I got too physical with a guy really soon one time and it scared him to death. And looking back on it now, I can't blame him.

Good luck! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! :)

Michelle