So discouraged!!!!
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| Wed, 10-11-2006 - 2:49pm |
I posted once before about how I have just started online dating and I feel like the reason alot of men do not follow through with me is because I have a child, which as I said before is okay because the man I want to end up with is one who GLADLY accepts my child. However, I am 31 and most of the men who seem okay with it are 45. I am getting discouraged. A ton of men click through on my picture and don't follow through and I am guessing it is because they see divorced with child.
My point is, I am getting discouraged. I can't even get a date online. I am cute too ! :) I would love some feedback on my profile but would rather send it to actual people then post it on here so if you are game to look at it, please give me your email address.
sigh

Maybe, if you ask a few of the women who post on this board who have had a lot of success (like Rebecca "rich") to let you check out their profiles as examples you can tweak yours to get better results. I'm game, my Match profile will be up for a limited time for your perusal. It's deedee857. I had an annecdote in there, but it was from Xmas vacation so I removed that part in June to freshen it up, but I would put in a new annecdote if I wanted to post it for real.
I also found that Chemistry has a good advice section with tips on writing a great profile.
Hope that is encouraging.
I think 3 months is some kind of relationship threshold, by then the initial intense infatuation has worn off, both people stop being on their best behavior and you start to see the other person more objectively. I'm sure there are commitment phobic people out there who typically don't hang around after 3 mos, but mostly I think it's the realization that this person isn't "the one".
My current BF & I are at 3-mos now. We'll see if we get past this hurdle. IMO many women try to make things work and ignore the red flags. I am very tolerant, I can make things work with about anyone, but I have learned from my disaster marriage and short dating experience. I am trying to stay in the present and not weigh down my current relationship w/expectations for happily ever after. The guy isn't perfect, but neither am I. Right now we both feel we're better together, the good more than outweighs the bad, what bad I've allowed myself to see. LOL He may be "the one", may be not.
Thank you for expanding on what happened with your 3-month guy. What you said really rings true in a lot of ways for me and probably many women. I, too, wanted to make things work with Mark. I also ignored some of the red flags. I rationalized that even though it was not perfect, that the good outweighed the bad and that he was going through some rough times. I planned to stick it out with him and remain supportive. When he bailed on me, without even a phone call, I was shellshocked for months.
Unfortunately, I do not get over relationships like the average woman. Maybe being a Virgo makes me more over-sensitive when I should just realize that I deserved better and not wallow in self-pity. Easier said than done though. Maybe I really dodged a bullet with Mark since there were several issues that I believed would cause some problems down the road, but I simply did not want to think about that at the time. However, I am finally trying to move on. Hearing stories from others really does help in the healing process. I hope some of mine have helped someone else maybe. We live and learn, but sometimes lessons are hard for us. I know they are for me.
So I won't do that again. I do think that a lot of guys don't get past my daughter's age, as most guys in mid 40's - early 50's are done raising kids or close to it and would rather not get involved with someone who has a toddler. Perhaps not, perhaps I have a scary profile. But a couple times I actually asked guys who didn't follow through after viewing my profile and who seemed perfect fits why they weren't interested and that was the answer both times. The right guy has to accept I have kids, and they live with me most of the time. Glad I got lucky with M.
Don't get too discouraged Honey. You have to kiss a LOT of toads ... believe me, Im kissing them!
I think it is good to look at the other profiles, see who the competition is, see who else I know IRL is on Match, make sure I seem like me, not just another divorcee. Funny, there's a whole thread on one of these message boards about how guys say they won't date chubby women, even when they themselves need to lose a ton, yet, guys also don't try for women they think will turn them down because they perceive the woman to be "out of their league". Sheesh, just can't please them can we?