OLD Newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
OLD Newbie
13
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 1:23am

I'm a newbie to OLD (e-harmony) and Ive just had my first heart-wrenching experience...I need someone to assure me that they're not all gonna be like this!

I met someone for the first time in my life (& I've been married twice!) who I felt really understood me...It was a whirlwind of emails, dates, hours of talking on the phone and finally sex. I'm totally into him, making plans, we're enjoying talking to each other daily, you know the drill. Then on Friday he calls to tell me he's canceling our date & he's not in the same place as me, but wishes he was. It's all too fast, & he's freaking out. What!?! Okay, so it's only been a month -- a little fast for me too, but I THOUGHT we'd both really connected.

I know I just need to be brave, put on my "big girl panties" & move on...My question is how to trust anyone these days? Has anyone else had an experience like this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 5:03am
Yep, I just went through it. It could have been me writing this post. Except I didn't have sex with mine. I have learned that at least they don't get that even if they come on too strong and the chemistry is incredible. Other than realizing that it's a red flag when it seems too good to be true in that short of time, there's nothing else you can really do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 11:18am

flalola,

You have been married twice and you still think 1 month is long enough to make a connection? What is even more surprising is you claim that it’s the first time you felt someone really understood you...after only 1 month...!?

....Married twice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 3:03pm
You mock me?!? Have you ever tried e-harmony? That 29-dimension matching crap is not to be taken lightly... I know, it's immature to have expectations of anything after a month... So, maybe you can tell me why a guy acts one way and says another.... hmmmm? For your information i was married at 19 to my daughter's father, and my second marriage ended after 10 years, & I feel my ex & I were never ever truly "compatible". i just thought if I tried hard enough, for long enough, we could make it work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 4:42pm

Oh, don't let hal get to you.

Yes, one month is fast. I guess the hard lesson we learn is that just because I'm clicking and feeling like we really get each other, does not mean that he is.

The trouble is, maybe the problem is that it WAS really great and that is what scared him off. Men are so lame.

My goal: always go slower than I want to. Always.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 4:59pm
Wow, I could have written that exact same post. The same thing just happened to me. This was my first real OLD connection, and this guy romanced me like I have never been romanced before, I really, really believed it was real. Live and learn; why does it have to be so painful though? I was trying to learn how to think more positively, but the lesson I learned from this experience is just what another poster said, if it seems too good to be true it probably is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: flalola
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 9:59pm
Lesson Learned... I too get the feeling he got scared. Oh well... Thanks for the support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:27am

After being married for 9 years, I found myself being single again and I was very skeptical of OLD but I went through a very similar situation as you. Like you I thought that E-Harmony would be great because of the compatiability factors, but I found that some of the guys did not want remotely the same thing as I wanted.

I also tried match.com (most people I know did not have much luck with this site) but
I figured what do I have to lose. Well, like what my friends said I went out on a couple of bad dates, but no one could not have predicted the wonderful man I met. Believe it or not, we have only been together for 9 months and already bought a house together. I know this sounds unreal, but when you are in your mid 30's you know what you like and what you don't like.

In my opinion, when you date someone for a month (like you) you know if something is there or not, (it sounds like he got scared) you will find the right person! Good Luck he is out there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 2:54am

No flalola I am not mocking you. I'm just not part of the bleeding heart brigade. Sure, it's easy to blame men or E-harmony for your predicament but you are not 19 anymore. Do you honestly expect to go through life holding everyone but yourself accountable for what happens in your dating life? If you know it's "immature to have expectations of anything after a month" why should you care how a guy acts when you've already admitted that YOUR actions are the problem!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 6:39am
Sheesh, Hal, do you get many dates with that mouth?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:01am

>do you get many dates with that mouth?

Ironic that a comment like this comes from someone who thinks men are so lame.

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