JUggling multiple contacts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
JUggling multiple contacts
3
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 5:33pm

I started off with only contacting one guy at a time, I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself and my time is limited.

THen I realized that moving from the moment you like a guy's profile to the day you actually meet can take a really long time! This weekend I was feeling guilty for rejecting a few guys based on picture alone so I sent out seven emails to winkers and some of the profiles I'd bookmarked. One deleted his profile rather than respond to me (I'm not THAT scary!) Five emailed me back and 2 have not yet done so in 3 days).

One of these five guys seems PERFECT for me. Number Two seem meetable, and the other three I'm leaning towards not meeting, or meeting only with intent to gather experience, not with any actual hope that I'll like them.

The best prospect is currently out of town; I even Googled to find out when the conference he is attending ends based on clues he gave me(Tuesday) so I'm sitting on my hands until Wednesday---will he email me? Or are we history already!

Meanwhile, I have these other four to correspond with. Two have asked for a meet.

How long do I have before I have to return these emails before these guys get their feelings hurt (assuming they wait by their inbox like I do to get a response). 24 hours is a great turnaround time, 48 acceptable-trying not to seem desperate. 72 hours just seems lame. To me, someone who makes me wait 3 days isn't interested.

And how long can I keep up an email correspondence with guys I'm really not connecting with just in case Number One pick doesn't pan out?

And how much time should I devote to emailing five guys at once?

I think I've only got time for one meet this weekend. I'm afraid that if I hold out too long for Number One to get back in town, things won't work out with him and I'll spend another weekend cleaning out closets.

And would you meet two different guys in one day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:55am

You're my hero! Wow, I was breathless reading your post... & I aspire to get to the point where I can juggle multiple contacts and not sit at my computer in my free time wondering who's gonna reply (if anyone, ha!) Have you been OLD long? Any advice? I got the "dump" on Friday & was sooooo pleased to have 6 new matches on e-harm when I woke up Saturday, that I fired off replies right away! So far I have received one response (not feeling a connection tho), got closed out on one and have not heard from 4... My batting average is pretty lousy, huh!

I like the anonimity of OLD, but I'm kind of impatient too. Well, I hope your first choice contacts you...keep us posted :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 1:57am
Look who is escaping the convent! I was so pleased to read your post, you go girl. Please tell me your profile is as funny as these posts.
"One of these five guys seems PERFECT for me. Number Two seem meetable, and the other three I'm leaning towards not meeting, or meeting only with intent to gather experience, not with any actual hope that I'll like them." Very much my experience, and definitely do those dates just for the experience, no pressure- correct me if I'm not remembering this correctly, but I think that you are another person like me who is really dating for the first time having met the X so young. Those low pressure dates really help prepare you for keeping your cool when faced w/ someone you really want to spend more time with.
"How long do I have before I have to return these emails before these guys get their feelings hurt (assuming they wait by their inbox like I do to get a response). 24 hours is a great turnaround time, 48 acceptable-trying not to seem desperate. 72 hours just seems lame. To me, someone who makes me wait 3 days isn't interested." I agree, that seems to be the OLD norm.
"And how long can I keep up an email correspondence with guys I'm really not connecting with just in case Number One pick doesn't pan out?" As long as you want to, til they ghost, til you meet and it is certain you'd rather be cleaning my closets than go out with this guy. (Warning, I'd get thrown out of Interior Design school if they saw my closets- hey, in AZ we don't have basements or attics)
"And would you meet two different guys in one day?" Certainly, BTDT, gotta make the most of my limited time w/o DD2. Coffee w/ prospect #1 and dinner w/second guy. And yes, I made sure I was clear in my head who I was meeting each time.
Keep your head in the game, have some fun, enjoy dating with no future expectations- love finds you when you are ready.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 7:59pm

I wouldn't worry too much about hurting a guy's feelings from a slow response on your part. Men aren't as senstive to these types of things as women are (and I'm like you - I get bummed if I don't hear back from a guy within a couple days but we have to keep in mind that many people are busy and it can take a few days to respond at least with the first couple of e-mail exchanges.) I say get back to them at your earliest convenience and not worry if it's 1 day, 2 days or 3 days.

I'd say keep all your options open even if you've actually gone out with number one and things went well. Never put all your eggs in one basket or you'll increase your likelihood of being disapppointed.

As long as you can keep up with 5 guys at once, go for it. Here's a tip that I use in order to keep all the men straight - I print out their profiles and write notes on them about things they've mentioned in e-mails (i.e. what they do for work, info about their family, etc.) Then I can refer back to my "notes" when I e-mail them in the future or we speak on the phone or ultimately meet. Being organized is key!

I'd say try not to hold out too long for #1 or else you could end up with no dates for the weekend. Plus you don't want to accept his offer too late or else you'll seem to "available" to him. Not to play games, but you don't want to accept a Saturday date the day before.

Yes, I have met more than one guy in a day. Given that I always keep first dates short (either coffee or a drink) it's easy to fit in 2 in a day. Good luck!