another 'nothing there' date

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
another 'nothing there' date
7
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:55am
I had been talking to a guy for a few weeks over email. He had several pics on his profile, he looked cute. He seemed really nice in his emails, I really had a good feeling about meeting him, I was looking forward to it. I started to get that, oh no, feeling when we first talked on the phone on the way to the date. He had this really wimpy, geeky sounding voice. Then i saw him and once again...not at all what he seemed to be in his pics. His face looked sort of the same, i remember liking his hair and thinking he had pretty eyes...but aside from that...he had really slouchy posture and had sort of a skinny fat body. On top of that he seemed conceited. I was sort of turned off by his behavior in the restaurant, he immediately asked for rolls and butter to the waitress, they didnt have butter and went on and on to me about how he couldnt believe they didnt have butter...then they way he ate grossed me out. He got something with a cream sauce and he kept getting the sauce all over his lips. It was just not a fun time. At the end of dinner he asked if i was into politics, i said not really, but he started talking about iraq and the two people in our state who just ran for governor. We finished with dinner in about an hour and that was it. I dont think he was that into me either which was fine. When we left he gave me a hug, said it was nice meeting you, give me a call sometime.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 10:54am

You can at least say that you felt like neither of you were a match for the other. Not another deal where one is really interested in the other and then it doesn't go anywhere--no date set for another time.

I agree that this guy sounds lazy both in his social manners and in his level of interest in dating. I can imagine the scenario you describe. Most generally, at the very least, you would expect a guy to use his "best" table manners when eating. Yes, that would be a huge turnoff for me if he was a messy eater and did not seem to even try to use some etiquette. Some men (and women) were not raised with proper etiquette when it comes to dining out. Some were not even raised with manners period!

I know the letdown of when someone is just not a match. I had a blind date (not from OLD) where the guy was nice enough, but we did not have a lot in common, physically he was not attractive to me (but not repulsive either), and he lived over 3 1/2 hours away from me. What really made me realize he was not someone I wanted to see again was the fact that he had just gotten out of a really bad live-in situation, which my friend who set us up failed to mention to me. I later told her that he was nice but I did not feel like he was ready for any kind of relationship and the distance was too great as well. I did not lie about either thing but I did not tell her that he was unappealing otherwise. So, I know how disappointing evenings like the one you describe can be. I remember thinking on several dates..."just get through the evening..it's just ONE night". :0 Yes, it is very uncomfortable though. Been there. Hopefully your next one will be better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:00am
Ewww, food on his face during the date... That's gross! LOL
I think the most surprising thing about men when we finally meet them in person is their physique. I have been let down numerous times by not quite getting their proportions right in my head by looking at their pics.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:14am

yeah it's just weird because i had a good feeling about this one...i thought, hmm ok even if there is no chemistry on this one or i'm not totally attracted to him, he still seems like fun-nope, not even! lol. I am starting to become convinced that you just cant get a good feel for someone in a few emails and a few pictures. I think ive said before that my picures really do look like me, lol. They are just me sitting in my kitchen. I figure if someone likes those, then it should be all good with no suprises. They are not me glammed up or anything...but many of these guys seem to be putting pics that just dont look like them, or are from a few years ago or were at an event where they were looking their best...of course we love pics of ourselves where we look awesome...but unless people look like that all the time, then it's probably best not to put them in a dating profile

i am not really getting discouraged...i am still having fun with this. I have stopped worrying about being single (i once did) and am just going with the flow. I guess i am a little amazed that i've met like, 7 or 8 people now and i havent really like any of them. That seems odd...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:13pm
"I guess i am a little amazed that i've met like, 7 or 8 people now and i havent really like any of them. That seems odd..." In my OLD experience, and in reading posts on this message board, I'm not at all surprised you haven't hit it off with anyone, yet. I have found for me it is best to e-mail at least 1 week, then move to phone contact for a week then meet IRL. It is good you are keeping an open mind, not being picky, and having fun with OLD. That whole mutual chemistry thing is totally unpredictable.
When I was active in OLD, I initially chose a soso picture, one that has guys shocked that I am way better looking than they expected. On my latest profile I have that one, a full body shot in typical date attire, a casual face shot, and one extra just for a better idea. I have found guys don't update pictures often, or their profiles. I always try the Match sort that shows how long the profile has existed, newest profiles are first. If a guy shows up towards the end of the group, I know to not have expectations based on the picture.
Continue to keep an open mind, have no expectations, other than to have fun. New people turn up online all the time. But also keep your eyes open in the real world. Even though we both were on Match, my current BF and I met IRL at the pool our kids swim at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:21pm

yeah my mom tells me that it sounds like i'm being too judgmental in only having one date with these people. I do think you know from meeting someone once if you'd want to go out again...that's just me. I have even gone out with a few people based on pic and profile that dont seem like my 'type', etc...so yes i'm trying to have an open mind. I finally contacted some people over the weekend and was happy that many of them wrote back...I had one poor experience with a perv that i wrote about here though, lol...aside from that it was ok. I am going out with someoen else on friday, then another guy i've been chatting with just asked to make plans...so it's good as far as email/contact goes...but the kicker has been when we meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 2:29pm

The problem for some of us is that if you live in a fairly "rural" area, you simply do not get the number of matches that you are getting. There are few people signed up for such services within a four or six-county area. Get out much farther and we're talking trying to correspond and eventually meet someone who lives several hours away. The long distance deal has never worked for me and it is almost a no-go from the beginning for me if they live more than an hour away. In fact, I did try to date a guy who lived right at an hour away and that did not pan out either--I think part of it was due to the distance. While that might not seem like a long ways away, it is very hard to juggle jobs, family life (if they have kids) and all other issues while trying to date someone who does not live fairly close. Most men I've encountered do not have the stamina to try to maintain a relationship that is not "convenient" for them. So, I no longer have any interest in men who live too far away. No point in getting my hopes up.

One reason I have not signed back up for yahoo is because there were so few matches for me. It seemed pointless to pay their fees and continue to get the same few guys over and over again. Some of them even forget that you were not a match before and contact you like you are someone new. :0 Amazing that they do not remember a profile from before. So, for now, I am kind of lying low but I have unhidden my profile from yahoo but have not signed up for the service. I may change my mind later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 3:04pm
yeah, i imagine online dating (or any dating) isnt the greatest when you live in a very rural area...heck even meeting people in a big city isnt the easiest. In college it was so easy to meet people...i guess because people surrounded by plenty of folks in the same age group. But then after that most people get jobs and there arent necessarily people of the same age group...or people that you'd be intersted, plus they say it's not good to date people at work. I guess i envy people who really kept up with college/high school friends...one of my friends has lots of friends left from collge, they all live in the same area, many people that attended her college still live near her, so she has lots of connections. Hence she meets a lot of people this way. I unfortunately, have my college friends scattered all over the country, lots of them are married. I also was enagaged right after college and stayed with ex about 2 and a half years after graduation...i lost touch with a lot of people. i never thought i'd be back out there in the dating scene so i didnt worry about having 'connections' lol.