2 dates - STALKING me
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| Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:20am |
I need help badly. There is this guy I saw 2 times within 2 weeks. We talked on the phone for a few weeks before then (not consistently). He ended up being a weirdo so I nicely told him I wasn't interested in pursuing anything with him and that we aren't compatible. when i told him he completely attacked and insulted me about a few things. then i told him that i was shocked he could say things like that to me, he doesn't really even know me. I told him that because of how rude he was i definitely did not want to be in any kind of contact with him. So, it's been 1.5 weeks since I told him I am not interested on any level. he has emailed me 15 times and called me 10 times since then. I have completely ignored him. I am really freaked out. yesterday morning he emailed that he wanted his book (he had left a book in my car that he wanted to show me---i swear at first he seemed like a nice guy). i replied with 'give me your address and i'll mail it to you'. well, he sent me a borage of 6 emails yesterday after that all of which i ignored and he left me two voicemails yesterday. So, now i am SO freaked out and he just now CALLED ME AT 8:30AM and left another vociemail saying, "Are you sure you didn't make a huge mistake?" This guy is deranged with mental problems and has no dignity.
i had initially blocked him but this guy is freaking me out so bad that i think i should have emails of evidence incase he does something a lot worse. what should I do??? I'm actually getting scared. i am listed in the phone book so i keep looking over my shoulder thinking this guy is going to show up.
My sister agreed that the bizarre behavior of calling me at 8:30am warrants one last acknowledgement of him by emailing this :
"STOP CALLING AND EMAILING. i finished my discussion with you over a week ago. i am NOT interested in discussing anything with you. THERE IS NOTHING TO DISCUSS. i dont even know you. i saw you just TWO times in my life. STOP harassing me. DO NOT CALL ME. DO NOT EMAIL ME"
In 3 years of doing OLD on and off I have never had anything weird like this happen to me. So, do you think the way i am not responding to him is the right thing to do? If you were in this situation, would you send this last email to him?

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I had a similar situation last summer. I dated a guy I met online for a couple of months and he was too clingy and annoying to continue seeing. I let him know in no uncertain terms that I would not be in contact with him again. He didn't take that too well and started emailing, txt msg'ing my cell, & showing up unannounced. Now, I have a 6 year old and I don't take any chances. I called my local police department and they in turn called the police in his town and paid him a visit.
Some times, you have to take drastic measures to ensure your safety. Don't be afraid to use the resources you have available to you.
If he contacts me one more time, I will call the police department. Thanks for that suggestion. I didn't think the police would get involved unless I got a restraining order and from what I understand it is hard to get restraining orders. But from what you said, if it's that easy for the police to pay him a visit, then I will definitely go that route.
"Upon sending this email I will then proceed to block your address from my email, I do not wish to continue any communication with you at this time. Please do not reply to this email nor attempt to send me anymore. You may call one last time and leave a voicemail message containing ONLY the address of where you would like your book to be mailed to, if you would like to have it back I suggest that you do not waste this golden opportunity that I am giving you. Please do not call me again after that. I do not wish to make threats (such as enlisting the help of the police department) but will do so if you do not abide to this last and final request of not contacting me in any form from this day forward." Send the email to him and copy yourself. You then have good evidence of the email for future reference if needed. Then you do need to proceed with blocking him from email and your text messaging. And if the next voicemail message does not contain just the address, I would give a call to your local police department informing them of the situation and asking for their suggestion(s) as to what to do next. In my situation the last and only communication that I received after this email was a voicemail containing the statement "Keep the damned book it isn't worth it!!" (The local library was very pleased with their new book!!) Good luck :-)
I disagree, don't call him at all, don't email, don't make a move. Don't worry about the book. He can buy a new one. You have to just be still, like a stone. Interaction feeds his issues. He probably enjoys telling you to f#$k off. Probably made his day.
I was in your shoes years ago, being stalked by a calculus tutor from Serbia (I have definitely lived an intersting life). He was married and crazier than a loon. I did a few things. I called the police. I lived in a very large city, so I was surprised they came over. They took a report, for a record, but told me to be very careful. They said if someone is after you, they can't do much to help which made me even more scared, but also even more careful.
They did suggest I "surround myself with males." I know this sounds sexist, but they said it would work. So I did a few things. First, I had one of my best male friends put a new message on my answering machine. Second, he was always hanging around anyway, so while I never answered the loon's calls, my male friend did. He'd tell him he'd beat the carp out of him if he didn't stop bothering me. Plus I had a BF at the time who started to come and get me from my night classes and ride his bike home with me. And to reinforce all of it, I have a very good friend who is a tough, urban lesbian, so she got all of her tough friends to answer the phone when he called and tell him to get lost. Meanwhile, I was still like a stone, no response from me.
It seemed to work, he kind of floated off and I heard he was stalking some other poor woman. But it took time and I was scared to death. I guess with all of those people around me, I didn't seem vulnerable.
Surround yourself with males and tough girlfreinds, and call the police just to make it official.
Take care, you will be fine! As my mother would say "this too shall pass".
Chick
And MomX3, I didn't mean to discourage you from posting. I didn't realize the "disagree" emoticon was such a put down! Please keep posting!!
Chick
Do you think he left the book in your car on purpose so he would have an excuse to maintain contact?
I would be tempted to tell him he can pick the book up at the local police station!
I think that I would send the email and keep a copy of any exchange after that. Then I would drop off his book at the local police station with his contact information. Let him pick it up from them.
E
Thanks for your suggestion. I wish I got it before I sent the email to him yesterday morning, but so far so good, I haven't heard from him. I sent his book with delivery confirmation yesterday. If I do hear one more peep out of him I will contact his local police dept.
Thanks, Devorah
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