What Makes him "Too Nice"
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| Sun, 10-22-2006 - 9:34am |
I think we've all said it or at least heard a friend say it - He's too nice!
I met a man through online dating last spring. We met two or three times and talked on the phone a few times and then both were busy and it fizzled. He is about the same age as I am, is intelligent and articulate, is reasonably fit, has a solid career, is connected with his children, and doesn't seem to be bitter towards his ex-wife even though he readily admitted that it was her choice to separate. There was no great spark which is likely why we didn't make a great effort to continue to see each other.
I noticed he was on msn a week or so ago and sent him an e-mail to see what he'd been up to over the summer and yesterday we met for lunch after talking on the phone for a while. He is a very nice guy and after I left, I was thinking maybe "too nice". I've read quite often that women don't want the nice guys, they want the bad boys and started wondering if I was falling into that trap. I mean, here is a nice, intelligent guy that seems to have his life on track, who isn't searching frantically for someone but would like to be in a relationship and I was thinking about it. Could it be that he seems to be too sensitive which comes across as not masculine enough? He isn't effeminate in any way, in fact he seems to be a natural in sports.
When making friendships with other women, we would never consider a person to be too nice. So what is it that makes women put a man into the "too nice" category? Are we just using this phrase to mean something else?

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I think it's generally either a way of saying there's no physical/sexual chemistry (which is what it sounds like with this guy) or that a guy is too much of a doormat.
Unless you have seen a pattern in your life where you choose men who treat you poorly, I wouldn't say it's a matter of nice guys vs. bad boys. You just don't have chemistry with THIS particular nice guy, that's all.
Sheri
I love this topic only because the past year and a half of dating I have ran into this problem myself.
Tough one!
Lately I've been thinking about how dateing is like job hunting. WHen you start a new job you are on your best behavior until you see what the place is like. When you are dating someone new you are on your best behavior also.
Maybe Mr. Too Nice is just polite enough that he seems boring? Maybe a beer or two, or some time spend in a relaxed environment, actually doing something other than dining and talking, or maybe with people he is more comfortable with would help him feel more himself.
I drove to Mr. Write's town yesterday because he seemed hesitant about a meet and I wanted him to feel at home. Could he be too nice? Yes, but I was also very conservative with him, so the same could be said about me. Don't want to offend and step on toes. Next time I'm going to have to let my hair down a bit to help him do the same.
Maybe Mr. Too Nice goes home and wishes he were more interesting but isn't sure he knows how to do that within the constraints of good manners.
*I* am SO thrilled I think i finally turned that BAD BOY corner!
My past relationships? BAD news. B/w addiction or abusiveness, I am not sure WHAT i was thinking!
My BF "M" is like that, but I wouldn't say he's "too nice". I now expect that as a bare minimum, after the misery of 28 years w/my abusive, acoholic X- being a decent guy is key to my sticking around. I also worried I'd be drawn to another bad boy, that it'd feel normal. But I think I've grown a lot as an individual through this whole divorce process, so maybe I'm ready to appreciate "nice".
Yeah, i bet if i was in a "different place", i may think Carlos is too nice as well.
Oh sheesh! Yeah, that Shakespear woudl have made me RUN!
As for Carlos in this situation, same thing.
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