Frustrated with Jerks and OLD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Frustrated with Jerks and OLD!
6
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:44pm

The story goes that we emailed for two weeks and finally talked on the phone a few times. I explained that doing email/phone too long can lead to unrealistic expectations and create impressions that are not factual. Two weeks of email is about my max and I indicated interest in meeting, which he agreed. He wanted to meet for dinner, which lasted two hours (I don't consider this being in a hurry to eat and leave). Appeared to me we had a good time, interesting conversation, I emailed him the names of a couple books he indicated an interest in reading and told him I enjoyed meeting him and would like to do it again. He emails back "thanks for the titles and wishes me best of luck." OK, figure this one is gone based on the "best of luck" statement. FYI, he is an educated, successful professional who claims to be a good Christian, blah blah blah....Now here's the next email I received from this guy...
Dear Judy,
I don't expect you to respond to this letter, but it will help me by writing it.  I want to apologize and ask your forgiveness for my sending that harsh e-mail to you recently saying you were self-centered, superficial, shallow, etc.  I had no right to make any judgement about you or anyone else.  If I turned those words toward myself they would fit me much better.  I'm the one who needs to lighten-up and have fun, and appreciate the good in other people.
You did not deserve to be the recipient of my frustration or disappointment.  Actually, it was my problem.  I have never allowed myself to meet anyone after communicating for only two weeks.  I like to know someone much better (vice-versa) through e-mails/phone calls before meeting in person.  And I let you influence me to "rush things up".  To be honest, I thought there was no "chemistry" between us, and it was obvious you thought the same since you were in a hurry to eat and leave.  So I was angry at myself for meeting you so soon and spending my time and money for us both to have an unhappy experience. 
You did not deserve to be criticized so harshly. 
I'm certain you are a wonderful person who has your own aspirations and struggles in life, and didn't deserve someone like me acting like an idiot and unjustly criticizing you.  You appear to have accomplished a lot in life and should have a healthy self-esteem, and I hope that you received what I wrote to you just as it was:  unjust criticism from some guy who obviously doesn't have his act together in life.
I'm a Christian, and I'm ashamed of myself for being such an a**hole.  I sincerely hope you will soon meet that perfect man for you!
Sincerely,
Jxxx

I have to laugh at this email, since I NEVER got the first email he sent where he obviously blasted me! Maybe he sent the "blast" email to one of his other OLD girls or maybe he is getting senile~~! I think OLD offers me exposure to lots of guys and I'm realizing that MOST of these guys are real JERKS, this was just one more. I want to give up on OLD because of these JERKS but I also know that if I don't take any action I will never meet a decent guy with potential for a LTR. Guess I just wanted to blow off some steam, and am very aware this guy has major life issues and I just happened to be a convenient person for his crazy comments! I'm just frustrated with OLD now and thanks for listening to my whining.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:55pm

OMG!!! What a putz! I'm so sorry you had to go through that...as you correctly note, he sounds like he's got some serious issues.

But that is kind of funny (ironic funny) that you never got the email he refers to.

Anyway, I can totally relate to your frustration...you know how many frogs I've kissed!!! And now I've met not one but two guys who seem like good guys...of course only time will tell and who knows if anything will work out with either one, but it does give me hope after all the frogs.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:34pm

I have actually come across a couple of these guys on OLD in the last 2 years myself. They come into dating with so much unpacked baggage that they project all of this stuff onto the people they date. Don't let this guy with all of his problems sour you on OLD. There are a lot of great guys out there!

YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 5:06am

Would you like cheese with your whine? LOL, sorry, just couldn't resist. There are good men out there, and sometimes we have to wade through the jerks before finding the right man for us.

Yes, scratch this guy off your list. I wouldn't even reply to his ludicrous e-mail, and if he called I would just tell him that we were not a match....thanks for dinner, yadda, yadda, and then move on. Or, not even take his call and let it go.

OLD is worse than blind dating since we have no one who knows these guys.

Take a break from OLD and give it a rest of awhile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 8:49am

Oh Judy, that e-mail is precious. What a jerk! I really feel for you, I too wonder why OLD seems to attract so many dysfunctional men. But the e-mail is such a joke because he didn't send you the e-mail he is apologizing for. (And do you notice that his "apology" still includes a share of "your fault"?-- you made him meet too early, you rushed out at dinner, etc.) This one is for the Hall of Fame. ;)

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:21am

WOW.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:40pm

Jammin Judy, this is your mother talking. Don't let this lost turd keep you from finding the love of your life! I've been through so many odd things in OLD, but I keep telling myself, ah heck, they are the freaks, not me. So NEXT!!

Stay positive. You will absolutely laugh about this some day, I promise.

PS have you checked your spam filter? Maybe that's where this dude belongs!

Chick