What's the deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
What's the deal?
1
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:05pm

Hi all!
I met this guy about three weeks ago via Yahoo! Personals. He's a really nice guy; we've been out only once, because I've been so busy with work, school, and my business. We talk nearly everyday, and our conversations are usually pretty good. Well, today he said to me, and I quote, "I don't mean to sound like a creep or something, but I'm starting to care about you....like a close friend" ("like a close friend" was delayed). I thought it was sweet...he explained that he didn't want to come off as weird, since we hardly know each other. So, here's the thing: I do like him, but I don't want to move too fast. Again, he seems like a good guy, but it is true that I really don't KNOW him...after three weeks, you really don't know a person enough to make any decisions. His declaration of caring about me doesn't necessarily mean that he has really deep feelings...you can care about someone without being head over heels...I don't want to make something out of nothing. It's just that I do miss being in a relationship (it's been over a year), and I don't want to get involved with this guy just because I'm ready to be in a relationship again. I've also been celebate for that same length of time...and I'm not sure if I even want to change that EVEN if I do get involved. I'm afraid that he won't want to even consider being with me if he knows that there may be no sex! What do I do about the whole situation? 1. How do I keep from moving too fast; 2.It's a bit early to tell him that I'm celebate, as no sex talk has even come up....how do I tell if that would be acceptable to him?

Edited 1/23/2007 3:09 pm ET by rivegauche25




Edited 1/23/2007 3:11 pm ET by rivegauche25
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:00pm

I would limit the interaction you have until you can see each other in person on a regular basis. Surely you can eek out an hour or two to meet for coffee or go for a walk once or twice a week! Get this relationship into real life and keep it there. The reality is, you've had ONE date, and you need to keep that firmly in mind.

As for the celebacy issue--unless there's a religious or similar reason and you are SURE that you are going to stay celebate until marriage, then I don't think that's appropriate 2nd date conversation. That's for down the road after you've had a bunch more dates.

Sheri