Do you tell you met online?
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Do you tell you met online?
| Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:31am |
I've been chatting to a guy i met online last year and after many months, he is booking a flight to come to see me!! I'm SO excited. There is a slight problem though that i've only told a couple of people that i met someone online. I haven't told my family and only my close friends know because, truth be told, i feel embarrassed about having met online. The situation is that obviously everyone will be meeting him, so how do i tell everyone how we met? I'm afraid of the stigma that goes along with internet dating. Can you guys let me know about your family's reactions and stuff? I'd really appreciate some feedback and some advice on how to go about doing telling everyone. I'm feeling unsure and embarassed.
Thanks!
Aussiegal.
Thanks!
Aussiegal.

I'm a little confused as to why your family would be meeting him already when you haven't even met him yet? But, in regards to your question, why are you embarrassed? Online Dating has become more and more common over the years. If someone raises an eyebrow at me I just explain to them that I see it no different than meeting someone at a bar, party or grocery store. In fact, in some ways I think OLD is better because you get a whole lot more information about a person things you wouldn't get about a person you met in real life until much later in the dating process such as wether they want to have kids someday, their religous beliefs, political beliefs, etc. It's sorta like a resume of the person in a way. Sure, people can lie, but so can people you meet by more "conventional" means. Just because you meet then at a bar/party doesn't mean that they aren't a lier, cheater etc. Those are things you would need to figure out over time no matter how you met them. I also usually tell them that I am careful and always meet my dates in a public place the first few times.
I've used this explaination with most of my family/friends and after I explain it this way they usually seem to understand it better and accept it. Even my 75 year old grandma thinks it's "cool" that I am doing OLD, she regularly asks me for updates. LOL Just remember you are never going to please everyone and there will always be some people that don't agree with your decision to OLD.
That all said, you should still take precautions on meeting this guy just like you would any new person. Just because you have talked online for several months does not mean you truely know him. It's easy to hide the real person behind a computer, only meeting in person will reveal the real person. Make sure that he stays at a hotel and not your house and meet him in public places. Just use common sense because in reality he is still a stranger and you do need to be cautious for your own safety.
Hope that helps and everything turns out the way you want with this guy.
Jen
Well...here is my take on the whole disclosing about whether or not you met on line...Truthfully, I dont think it matters where you met...But I have done a bit of OLD and had some very nice relationships as a result...I have a tendancy to be rather reserved in disclosing on how 'we actually met' - so if people ask How did you meet...say ohhhh we met at the Airport - I mean if he is flying in to see you and you are picking him up at the airport - you are not lying- right? Or perhaps you are meeting up at a restuarant - say that then....
FOr me...only after you have established a 'true' bricks and mortar relationship, would I then disclose to close friends of mine the circumstances on how you met. For me - it preserves the integrity that you have should the relationship NOT work. And should the relationship work..then disclose - showing the success of your OLD experience.
Cheers
Sarah
Luckily, we've never had any trouble from our friends or families with regards to how we met.
A friend of ours, however, also met his wife online, through Lavalife. She was worried her family, specifically her father, wouldn't accept their relationship because of how they met, so she had them concoct some story about how she came up to him in a coffee shop or something, that they maintained with her family for several years.
Unfortunately, we as his friends didn't know the coffee shop version, and at their wedding, a friend who was acting as emcee made allusion to the couple having met through online dating. He managed to get part of his story out before the groom's wild gesticulating cut him off, leaving everyone in the room (both those who knew the online story and those who thought they knew the coffee shop story) confused and, I later heard, asking both the emcee and the couple for explanation of the incident.
Bottom line, I think it's better to be honest with people from the start. That way, if things go somewhere, you aren't left saying, "By the way, I lied to you at first..." And if they don't work out, maybe it'll give them some time to get used to the idea before you next want to introduce them to someone you met online.
I agree 100% with jfur's assessment. Online dating is very prevalent these days and any one that turns up their nose at it or thinks that someone must be desperate to try it obviously doesn't know what they are talking about. And I might also guess that it's people that have been in relationships for some time and got lucky to meet them through more "traditional" means and doesn't understand how hard it can be to meet quality people to date these days. Online sites are just another vehicle to meet people like a bar, school, work, friends, etc. It gives you a wealth of people to choose from and you get the advantage of knowing things about them before you meet and in 99% of all the cases, it is a safe and simple way to meet people.
I also agree with jfur that you need to make sure that you keep things in perspective as well with this meeting. It's great that you are finally meeting in person, but try to keep your expectations realistic. Even if you have been talking for a very long time, the person he is online may or may not be the person you actually meet. A huge majority of online meets do not materialize into anything because you do not have the same chemistry in person that you had online. Another reason online relationships fail is because one or both people set such high expectations on actually meeting in person. When the other doesn't live up to this pie in the sky image you had of each other, the disappointment is huge. But if you keep the attitude of, "hey, we liked each other so hopefully we'll have fun and enjoy our time together" is a much more realistic one than one of "oh my gosh, we're FINALLY gonna meet and fall in love and be together forever and ever!" (or even some slightly toned down version that you are both going to fall madly in love on first sight and start a relationship). It doesn't always work out so it's better to go in understanding that but still cautiously optimistic and have it not work out than to go in with your head in the clouds and have reality cause you to come crashing down to earth.
I think i'll just have to work up some courage and tell some people, you'd think it'd be easy seeing i'm in my late 20s!!
Once again, thanks everyone!
Aussiegal.