Time Management & Dating
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| Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:16am |
I know I've talked about this issue before, but does anyone else have the problem with men who simply have "too many irons in the fire" with all their activities, job responsibilities, etc.? I have continued to have regular phone conversations with cop guy from Iowa. After I sent an e-mail asking basically what his "intentions" were with me, he started calling more often than he was in the weeks just prior to that. However, even with his court issues (lawsuit against insurance company), his health issues (impending surgery), I'm finding that he's now trying to install some kind of radio antenna onto his house (for reasons I'm still unsure about) and he has to take some kind of test in order to do this. Has been studying online for this test and he's even read to me some of the questions he has to know the answers to. Add to it that he's trying to re-finish a car for someone, and is also a landlord to several rental properties and..well, you see what I'm getting at here. This guy doesn't have time for a relationship even though he claims he wants to see me again. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking after his surgery is over with, maybe he'll feel less stressed, but quite honestly some of that stress seems to be self-imposed. He's supposedly trying to sell the rental properties, but it seems like this guy has too many outside things going on.
A few years ago I was not only working 2 jobs, but I had officer positions in 2 clubs that I regularly attended each month. When I made the big step in deciding to buy a house, I made the conscious decision to get out of the clubs. I found that they added stress to my already stressed life and that I was not likely to be able to just attend without someone trying to get me on a committee of some kind. While I do miss seeing some of those people, I do not miss the work involved with being an officer within those clubs nor do I miss having to be somewhere at a certain time besides both of my regular jobs. I also realized that the more obligations I had, the less time I would have to date should I ever meet someone I wanted to go out with. Common sense and logic told me that I was burned out with all these added duties that I didn't really enjoy.
I would think that the same logic might apply to a guy who has any remote interest in dating. While I know that a lot of guys really love to mess with and work on cars, wouldn't common sense tell you that you need to scale back on some things if you want to have time for dating? I realize that surgery is not a negotiable thing here, but some of these other things are. I tell myself that he's not as interested in me or he'd cut back on some things, but he continues to call and act like he's interested. So, I'm still left in confusion. I've already written the e-mail wanting some clarification about things which has only sparked him to call more, but so far no real date planned. When I asked when I'd see him again, he said he would have to take care of some financial matters first but he went on to talk about coming back to see me. I'm getting weary of this & still feel like I'm hanging here. I'm still open to meeting someone else, but I'd like this guy to get with it or get off the pot. :0

Mitsy, I think the key here is to WALK AWAY once you see that the guy isn't going to make time for you. If this guy were going to prioritize spending time with you, you'd know that already. Once his surgery is over, there will be another reason and then another that he can't see you.
And I would say he's *interested* but that only goes so far. He's not interested ENOUGH to spend time with you on a regular basis. If that's what you want from a potential partner, then you need to let this guy know that it's not working out for you and to call you if and when he has time to see you at least once a week (or however often would be the minimum for you).
Sheri
I've had some time to think about this and this guy has continued to call me but not with the consistency that I would like. After receiving some "joke" type e-mails from him yesterday that skirted my question to him about seeing him again, I finally composed an e-mail later in the day which basically asked him why he was playing games when he told me early on that he was not a game player. I told him that I was not a game player and that at our age, it should be a non-issue. I told him that if he was truly interested in me, that we needed to set up a 2nd date whether it was next week, 2 weeks or even after his surgery & that I was not content with just phone calls anymore. I ended it that he needed to think about these things and that he needed to think about what he wanted in a relationship or possible relationship. I ended it with "take care" so in some ways, I am hoping that I'm finished with this guy if he plans on waffling later. I don't need more waffling men in my life. I've had my share already.
Apparently, this guy falls into the same category as many others I've talked about. They seem interested and sometimes even continue to stay in contact without making much effort to move things along. Maybe they think you should be content with phone calls and string you along until they get good and ready to do anything more. I think almost 2 months of this is quite enough. I haven't heard back from him and I'm going to assume that I won't and that's OK because if his true colors are showing, then I don't want or need him. A guy who is not willing to make time for someone he's supposedly interested in is a player--regardless of what he says.