How To Weed Through People

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
How To Weed Through People
3
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:03pm

I would like to know how other people select who to meet when doing online dating. Do you email a few times and then talk on the phone before you meet or just email onece or twice and then meet? I like to talk to someone at least once on the phone before meeting just to get to know them better and to find out if it is worth meeting at all. One guy wanted to instant message but then wanted to meet immediately and wasn't comfortable giving me his number. To me this is a red flag. It is all so confusing at times as many men I talk to I am sort of indifferent to meeting because they don't seem to be that interesting, but I want to give people a chance. I don't have alot of time, so I don't want to waste time meeting men I am not interested in. How do others weed through potential prospects and decide who to date? I am getting a little overwhelmed at this whole process because it seems so time consuming.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:09pm

Hey GF

I would call the guy 2-3 times and then I would email him and then make plans the following week however if they are quiet on the phone they are the same in person to ! I would go with your gut insticts too and make sure someone knows where you are at in case the guy is a creep you at least get back up

Have fun !

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:20pm

Well, presumably you have your list of objective criteria (maybe age, height, education level, do they have/want kids, stuff like that) and you can screen for those things up front in the profile or in the first email or two.

The other things are more subjective and I think you get a feel for things as you go. I know for me, someone who asks to IM and who has trouble taking no for an answer is an immediate "next!" Same with someone who has really poor grammar and spelling, or who doesn't ask/answer questions and put some thought into the emails. Oh, and yes, they definitely have to be interesting to me...if they aren't, what's the point???

I usually exchange 3-4 emails and then move to the phone. I don't usually spend more than 15-20 minutes on the phone and if I get a good vibe from the guy, I'll say something like, "well would you like to meet for coffee?" I prefer it if he asks, but if the conversation is just going on and on, or it doesn't seem like he's going to, I will get the ball rolling...getting to the point of meeting in person (assuming he meets your objective and subjective criteria) is the important thing, because there's only so much you can learn from emails and phone calls.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 4:27pm
I've done the online dating thing for a couple of years on and off. I actually think it's a great way to meet people. Yes, it was awkward at first, but once you learn how to weed people out it is much easier. I think it's a matter of learning how to ask the right questions. I'm big on communication and just looking at how someone communicates via e-mail is a big indicator of the interest level. Not just looking at grammar, etc, but looking at what they are asking you to see their interest level in you. Someone who keeps it relatively short, is usually not worth the time. The whole purpose is to find out more about each other. After exchanging a few e-mails, I try and get the guy to chat through instant messenger. This helps a lot also so you can ask him questions and get immediate responses instead of like e-mail where he could think and think of a really good answer. IM makes him answer immediately. I try and ask behavior based questions just to get a feel of his personality. I always ask a guy what kind of relationship they are looking for. Usually if they say "I'll know it when I see it," the guy doesn't have a clue about what he wants. I also ask what are the top 3 qualities he is looking for. That way you get and idea of what is important to him. I usually don't waste my time with men who want to meet immediately. The good guys will be understanding if you want to get to know each other a little more. Basically, it comes down to comfort level. Trust your gut on the feeling/vibe you get from the guy. I actually had a first date last night with someone I met through match.com. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple days, and then talked on the phone every night. I usually don't talk on the phone that much before meeting someone, but with this guy it felt right. The date went awesome and he's already called to set up another time to meet during the week. He is new to the online dating thing, but he totally understands how women need to be more cautious about it. Hopefully things will work out with him...he seems to be a real gentleman and has a sentimental side I wasn't expecting. I've never had a guy keep a memento from a first date(he kept the cork from the bottle of wine we shared). Bottom line is if you know what you are looking for in someone, ask questions that can give you a glimpse of whether he fits that description.