What happened?
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| Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:15am |
Hi everyone,
new to this board, been lurking and thought let me ask a question. I am new to online dating, about 3 weeks ago I got a response from a guy on True.com dating site. He kept e-mailing me and we started chatting and Im's like crazy. We would im from work all day it was nice, he called from work maybe 2 times only, all I got was im's, and gave his cell phone, said he was waiting for the phone co. to come today friday. We had cyber sex on wednesday,felt weird but did it. We had so much in common I really like him, on yesterday(thursday) I sent my g-friend a pic of him and she was what a nice looking guy, and I told him he was please they liked him. So we made plans to see each other today friday and I have not heard from him. I have left him 2 messages and an im and nothing. I won't do it again I think he blew me off I have a strong feeling, should I call again, maybe wait. He was so into me and all of a sudden he's gone. I don't get it. Any suggestions? I really wanted to get to know him.Something else when I called him tuesday nite he was in his car and we talked then he says he has to hang-up because he doesn't have good reception in his apartment, but he got online within 5 minutes, ok chatted for about 2 hours. He says he's really shy, guess i just feel really disappointed in not meeting him.
I wonder what happened?
Lisa
Lisa

Lisa,
Ahh I remember those heady days of online fantasy and faux sex. Who knows why he ghosted? Perhaps he got scared of the possibility of reality not matching the fantasy. Maybe he felt that he would not measure up... or that he really is not like his picture or what he said on his profile.
I have run into people time and time again where they hide behind the computer and never want to talk on the phone much less meet me in person. I use to get disappointed, angry, bitter, and judgmental but now I accept that is common behavior. I let those go and move on.
Have fun and take care,
Mark
I hate hate hate to tell you this, but as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but think he's probably married or has a girlfriend.
I agree with Mark and Stacey. Stacey made some really excellent points. While he might nto be married or in a relationship (although I too think that is a really good possibility), I think that he got what he wanted (cybersex) and/or had no intention of ever really meeting in person. Shyness could be a factor, but do you really want to have just an online relationship with someone without ever meeting in person? That's not a relationship at all.
One thing to note - I know True.com says they do checks to make sure that someone is NOT married and does not have a criminal record. But I've heard they're not 100%. And if he has a girlfriend, that wouldn't show up. So keep that in mind.
Stacey also has a great point on not talking too long online and on the phone and especially not having cybersex with someone that you haven't met in person yet. It sounds like you had created a false sense of intimacy and familiarity with him when he really is a stranger. You don't even know for sure if the picture he gave you is really him. It's really important to not get so attached before meeting because you don't know if the person that you will meet will be the person you've been talking to online.
But whatever you do, do NOT call him again and do NOT contact him via IM or email. You've left him two messages and an IM. He obviously knows that you are trying to get a hold of him. Anything more and you are going to come across as desperate - all for a guy who had cybersex with you and vanished. Just move on from this and take it as a learning experience for next tim.
Thankyou all, I agree 100% he has a wife or g-friend. This is so new and weird to me. I will take your advice and meet soon, no more endless im's or e-mails.
Thankyou all so much. I am sure I will need your advice again :) I won't call him again, 2 times is enough for me,I did want to send him his pictures back but I decided to delete better.
Lisa
I don't know but I have not heard from him, so I will take the advice of my friends here on the board, and just say "NEXT" lol.
Lisa
P.S. Just to let everyone here on the board know deleted everything he ever sent! YAY!