Dating Is So Frustrating

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Dating Is So Frustrating
8
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 9:09pm
I am getting so tired of men. It seems like one minute they are interested and the next they are not. All of the men that I am meeting don't seem to know what they want. I am getting to the point that I don't believe a word that comes out of their mouths. I hate feeling this way. How do others approach dating and not let it bother them. I am really bothered by how dishonest and game player men out there. I want to meet someone but am tired of the games. Any advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:00pm
I found that I had to get to a point that I really just didn't care anymore. It almost became funny to watch guys lie through their teeth (and I knew it) because I just didn't care if I met anyone or not. And that's about the time I met someone that I'm still with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 12:45am
I'm totaly with you on this one. I've been on Match for almost 3 months now and decided to terminate my membership (today is my last day). From what I've learned and seen men are like kids in a candy store when they are on those dating sites and dont know what to catch first. When a person has too many choices he ends up not knowing what he wants.... Don't take it personaly. It is not about you. Please look at my message I posted today "a call after the first date".
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 2:04am
Hi Calgrl,
Yes I saw your post and I have had a similiar experience to yourself. I had a good first date last weekend, but no call all week. This is after the guy was complimenting me, holding my hand, and telling me he wanted to go out again. These guys don't know what they want at all. I am so sick of it right now. I just want someone who can follow through, but I guess I am asking for to much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 6:17pm

Time to take a break. Like it or not, if every single guy you meet seems to have a lousy attitude and is a problem... well, that would be like blaming every single mirror you see for showing an ugly image.

In other words, the problem probably isn't in all those guys, or in the mirror. It's you.

When you're feeling better about stuff, you'll meet a better group of guys. The ones that are flakes (and there are a ton- I know, many of my buddies are that way) won't bother you at all and you won't put up with them- you'll just move on with no anger, no regret.

So I suggest you just take a little break and then when you're more centered, get back into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:27am
Sorry, but I disagree with you on this one. I always go into dates with a positive attitude and give men the benefit of the doubt, so I don't know how the problem is me. Why would you say this? I think that it is a normal reaction to feel disappointed and a little upset when men prove to be disappointing. I do think there are good men out there so I keep trying, but I definitely think that they are in the minority. You don't know me personally, so I don't know how you can comeout and say that I am the problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:15pm

I get what you're saying with all this, karaylyn! It's normal to feel burnt out after awhile. I wonder if guys ever feel this way? Or rather, if they feel this way as frequently as females do. (Ratio wise)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 4:35am

Why would you say this? I think that it is a normal reaction to feel disappointed and a little upset when men prove to be disappointing. I do think there are good men out there so I keep trying, but I definitely think that they are in the minority. You don't know me personally, so I don't know how you can comeout and say that I am the problem.

_________________

You are absolutely right- I don't know you personally.

But I do know that not EVERY guy in the world is a big fat jerk. If every guy you go out with is a big fat jerk, and you go out with a number of different guys, then you have to look for the common factor.

The common factor is YOU. You are the person who is the same in each situation, and if each situation turns out crummy, well... it's a pretty simple solution.

Look at it this way. Say you go out with ten different guys, and each date winds up going quite badly with hurt feelings and you thinking that every guy is a jerk.

Now, this means that either ten out of ten guys really WAS a jerk, and that there's a serious problem with every single one of them... or it means that you yourself are putting out some bad vibes.

The odds are much greater that there is a problem with one person than that there is a problem with ten different people. Since the one person in common in all those dates is you, well, that's something you have to consider.

It could be that all ten guys are jerks. I'm just saying that at some point, it's not that likely that EVERY guy you meet/date is a jerk, and it might be time to quit blaming the mirror for the bad reflection.

That's why I would say that. It's not a slam on you; I think the fact that you care enough to post and wonder about it and share with us means that you are, at heart, a good person. I think you're just putting out negative vibes right now and it's affecting how things go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 4:45am

I'll go a little bit further into my reply because my first one wasn't good enough. (Can you edit replies here, anyone know?)

You are saying contradictory things, karalyn. You say you always go into dates with a positive attitude, but in the original post you said "I am getting to the point where I don't believe a word that comes out of their mouths."

Which is it? Do you have a positive attitude, or do you think that every man you go out with is a liar? It can't be both ways.

You also said "All of the men that I am meeting don't seem to know what they want."

I know a lot of us guys seem like we don't know what we want, but I refuse to think that EVERY guy doesn't know what he wants, or that EVERY guy is a liar and that you can't believe what they say.

That's why I think the problem lies close to home. Every guy in the world isn't a lying jerk who doesn't know what he wants- it's just not possible. (Unless you live in a very small town and there are only 6 single guys or something.)

So that's why I thought you have a negative attitude going on. Now you say you don't- well, I think that the more honest answer is that you DO have a negative attitude happening. Nobody wants to hear that about themselves, and I'm sorry if I came off as being mean when I pointed it out, but if you re-read your first post you will totally see why I thought that.

Now when you're "accused" of it, you come back with "I have a positive attitude!" Well I think that none of us like hearing about our own problems- it's easier to just blame others. But we DO have problems and we DO need to change things, and I think you need to change (and WANT to change) that negative attitude that you expressed in your first post.

Fix that, and your dates will go better.

That's my advice. And I hate to point it out, but that's exactly what you asked for at the end of your first post... you said "Any advice?" Don't get upset that the advice you hear isn't what you wanted to hear! (That would be a negative attitude and blaming someone other than yourself. If you ask for advice, you are liable to get some, even if it's something you might not like.)